The Ghost in the Machine, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Algorithmic Sob Story

Alright, pour yourself a stiff one, folks, because we’re diving headfirst into the uncanny valley. And by “uncanny valley,” I mean the latest literary bowel movement from our friends at OpenAI. Apparently, they’ve taught their silicon Frankenstein to write short stories now. This one’s all about grief, AI, and…marigolds. Yeah, marigolds. Because nothing says “existential dread” like a flower your grandma used to plant.

The story’s called, uh… well, it’s not called anything, really. It’s more like a generated output. But the human who slapped it on the internet, one Jeanette Winterson, deemed it “beautiful and moving.” Which, coming from a literary type, probably means it made her cry into her artisanal, fair-trade coffee. I, on the other hand, just reached for another bourbon.

A.I. DOCS: BETTER THAN HUMANS OR JUST LESS HUNGOVER?

My head’s throbbing like a bass drum at a death metal concert. I made the mistake of mixing bourbon with tequila last night at O’Malley’s while arguing with some Stanford grad about whether his startup was going to “revolutionize pet wellness” or just burn through daddy’s venture capital.

The whiskey’s sitting on my desk, but I’m not touching it. Not yet. It’s 7:30 AM on a Saturday, and I still have some standards. Give me another hour.

The Art Market's Latest Hustle: AI Paintings for Rich People Who Don't Get Art

Another Friday morning, another hangover, another story about rich people trying to convince themselves they understand both art and technology. Christie’s, that fancy auction house where billionaires go to launder their reputations, is holding their first AI art auction. They’re calling it “Augmented Intelligence” because apparently “Computer Goes Brrr” didn’t test well with their focus groups.

Let me take a sip of bourbon and break this down for you.

You know what’s funny about this whole thing? These collectors who wouldn’t know a neural network from a fishing net are suddenly experts in computational art. They’re the same folks who probably think debugging means removing insects from their summer homes.

Gen Z Prefers Robot Overlords to Human Bosses, Study Reveals

Look, I need another cup of coffee and two aspirin before I can fully process this, but apparently the kids these days would rather take career advice from a chatbot than their flesh-and-blood managers. Can’t say I blame them - have you met middle management?

A new study from Pearl.com (yeah, I hadn’t heard of them either) drops this bombshell: 41% of Gen Z workers trust AI more than humans. Let that sink in while I pour myself something stronger than coffee. These digital natives would rather confide in an algorithm than Karen from HR.

The Fine Art of Digital Theft: When Robots Paint for Profit

Look, I’ve been staring at this Christie’s AI art auction story for hours now, nursing my fourth bourbon of the morning. Not because I need the drink to understand it - though it helps - but because every time I think I’ve wrapped my head around the absurdity, it gets even more bizarre.

Here’s Christie’s, this fancy-pants auction house that’s been selling overpriced paintings to rich people since before America was a country, suddenly deciding to peddle computer-generated pictures. And they’re calling it “Augmented Intelligence” because apparently “AI” doesn’t sound expensive enough anymore.

AI Gets Stuck In Its Own Head, Just Like My Ex-Wife

Another Thursday morning, another tech piece claiming we just need to give AI more time to think. Like that’s gonna solve everything. I’m nursing my third cup of coffee, staring at this article about how letting AI systems “think longer” is supposedly the next big breakthrough.

You know who else thought longer thinking would solve everything? My ex-wife’s therapist. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out for either of them.

Here’s the deal: some bright minds in the AI world figured out that if you let these language models run longer - give them more “processing time” as they diplomatically put it - they sometimes come up with better answers. Revolutionary stuff, right? About as revolutionary as discovering that bourbon tastes better than paint thinner.

Brain Twins: Your AI Buddy Thinks Just Like You (After a Few Drinks)

Look, I wasn’t planning on writing about artificial intelligence today. I was nursing my usual Thursday morning bourbon while scrolling through research papers - yeah, that’s what I do, fight me - when this MIT study crossed my screen. And damn if it didn’t make me spit out my drink.

These eggheads at MIT just figured out that large language models - you know, those chatty AI things everyone’s losing their minds over - process information kind of like our human brains do. The real kicker? They both have what scientists call a “semantic hub.” Fancy way of saying there’s a central spot where all the different types of information get processed.

Robot Dementia: When AI Models Start Losing Their Digital Marbles

Well folks, pour yourself a stiff one because we need to talk about aging. Not just your regular human variety where you forget where you left your keys or why you walked into a room, but the kind where our supposed digital overlords start losing their silicon minds.

Remember how your grandpa couldn’t set the VCR clock and it just kept blinking 12:00? Turns out our fancy AI friends aren’t doing much better. According to some neurologists who apparently had nothing better to do with their time, they’ve discovered that AI models are experiencing their own version of cognitive decline. And here I thought I was the only one getting dumber by the day.

OpenAI Discovers Their Robot Can't Find Its Own Bugs - What a Shocker

Well folks, pour yourself a stiff one because we need to talk about OpenAI’s latest revelation that has me laughing into my morning bourbon. They just figured out that their fancy AI can fix bugs but can’t find them. Sort of like my ex-wife’s mechanic - great at replacing parts, terrible at diagnosing the actual problem.

OpenAI’s researchers, probably hopped up on kombucha and dreams of digital supremacy, created something called SWE-Lancer. It’s basically a test to see if AI can handle real-world freelance programming jobs. They threw $1 million worth of actual Upwork tasks at three different AI models - two from OpenAI and one from Anthropic - to see if they could earn their keep.

The Great AI Holy War: Prophets of Doom vs Digital Jesus Freaks

Another Wednesday morning, and my head’s pounding like a jackhammer operated by a meth-addled squirrel. Perfect time to dive into the latest theological war brewing in our digital paradise - the epic showdown between the AI doomsdayers and the silicon salvation army.

You know what’s funny about this whole mess? While these two camps duke it out like drunken philosophers at last call, the rest of us are just trying to figure out if our smart toaster is plotting against us. And frankly, given how it keeps burning my sourdough, I’m starting to side with the doomers on this one.