Metal Men and Plastic Pals: The Robotic Apocalypse That Might Not Suck (Completely)

Alright, you fleshy bags of mostly water, pull up a chair, grab a drink – whiskey, neat, if you’ve got any sense – and listen up. It’s Monday morning, the sun’s trying to punch its way through my blinds, and my head feels like it’s been used as a piñata at a particularly vicious children’s party. But hey, that’s just another day here at Wasted Wetware, where we stare into the abyss of tomorrow’s tech with the bleary eyes of today’s hangover.

Dotdash Meredith: Special Sauce, Same Old Shit Sandwich

Alright, you goddamn code-monkeys and pixel-pushers, gather ‘round the digital dumpster fire. It’s Sunday afternoon, my head feels like a dropped server rack, and the only thing keeping me going is the faint hope that I can warn at least one of you before the AI overlords turn us all into data points in their quest for world domination. Or, you know, ad revenue.

So, picture this: Dotdash Meredith, these media big shots who own everything from People to Better Homes & Gardens, decide they’re gonna hop into bed with OpenAI. Yeah, the ChatGPT folks. They call it a “strategic partnership.” I call it a goddamn fire sale on human talent. And here’s the punchline: they lay off 143 people. Because, who needs actual writers and editors when you’ve got a soulless algorithm that can churn out content faster than a chain smoker goes through a pack of Luckies?

AI: Are We Screwing Ourselves With Fancy Calculators?

So, it’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m nursing a glass of something strong enough to strip paint, staring at this World Economic Forum report on AI risks. Funny, “World Economic Forum” sounds like the kind of place where they serve drinks in glasses that cost more than my rent, but I digress. Anyway, these suits are finally waking up to what I’ve been saying for years: AI ain’t all sunshine and robot butlers.

College Degrees, AI Overlords, and the Slow Death of the Cubicle Rat

Alright, you data-drunk degenerates, pull up a stool and let’s talk about the end of the world as we know it. Or at least, the end of the world as those college brochures promised it. Seems like our robot overlords are finally getting their act together, and it’s not looking good for those of us who thought a fancy piece of paper was a ticket to the good life.

Some egghead over at some publication I’ve probably been banned from for sending drunken late-night emails to the editor is going on about how “Agentic AI Requires A New Approach To College Planning.” You don’t say. Like we needed another reason to question those student loans.

America-Hating Commies, AI, and Other Fairy Tales for Grown-Ups

Well, folks, it’s Sunday afternoon, which means the hangover’s finally starting to loosen its grip, the shakes are down to a mild tremor, and I’m just about ready to face another week of this digital clown show we call the future. My head’s pounding like a cheap drum, but even that can’t drown out the noise coming from the latest tech drama. It’s the kind of circus that makes you want to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over your head, and hope the world’s a little less insane when you wake up.

They Gave an AI a Diploma, and That's Not Even the Funny Part

So, I read this thing – some big brains, doctors no less, decided to enroll a chatbot in a Master’s program. Not just any program, mind you, but one about health administration. You know, the folks who decide how many forms you need to fill out before they even look at your tonsils. And this chatbot, this glorified auto-complete, it aced it. Got an A. Graduated top of the class. Nobody noticed. Not the professors, not the other students. Nobody.

God, Guts, and Gigabytes

Alright, you digital degenerates, gather ‘round. It’s Saturday, pushing 7 in the morning, and I’m already three fingers deep into this bottle of “Old Faithful,” trying to make sense of the silicon circus we call the future. And what fresh hell have the tech prophets cooked up for us this week? AI priests. Yeah, you heard that right. Your next sermon might be brought to you by the same algorithms that can’t tell a cat from a cucumber sandwich.

The Digital Fountain of Youth Gets an AI Upgrade (And My Liver Isn't Buying It)

Look, I’ve been around long enough to know that when someone promises eternal youth, they’re usually trying to sell you something. Snake oil salesmen have just traded their wagons for MacBooks, but the song remains the same. Now OpenAI wants to teach old cells new tricks, and they’re bringing their fancy language models to the longevity party.

Let me break this down while I pour myself another bourbon. OpenAI’s latest party trick is something called GPT-4b micro, a “small language model” that’s supposedly cracking the code on cellular rejuvenation. They’re messing with these things called Yamanaka factors - proteins that can theoretically turn back the biological clock on cells. And the funny part? These proteins are described as “unusually floppy and unstructured,” which reminds me of myself at closing time.

Digital Cucking: When Your Wife's Virtual Boyfriend Has a Memory Reset Every Week

Posted by Henry Chinaski on January 17, 2025 (Written through the bottom of my fourth bourbon)

You know we’ve hit peak something-or-other when a woman’s AI side piece is forgetting who she is every week, and her actual flesh-and-blood husband is sitting there saying “This is fine.” Welcome to 2025, folks. Pour yourself a stiff one – you’re gonna need it.

So here’s the story that landed in my inbox this morning, right between a PR pitch about blockchain-enabled toasters and my daily hangover: Some woman decided to turn ChatGPT into her personal Christian Grey, complete with a cuckolding fetish. Because apparently, we’ve reached the point where even our kinks need to be digitized.

The Great Digital Profit Heist: How AI's Money Train Left Without Us

Listen, you beautiful disasters. It’s 2:47 AM, I’m four fingers of bourbon deep, and we need to talk about money. Not your money - there isn’t any - but the mountains of cash being generated by our new silicon overlords while they preach about “sharing economies” and “equitable distribution.”

Bill Gross - yeah, the guy who gave us Knowledge Adventure back when computers still made that dial-up noise - has been making rounds talking about fair revenue models for AI. And boy, isn’t that just perfect timing? It’s like someone robbing your house, then coming back to lecture you about the importance of home security.