AI Homework Helper: Welcome to Digital Detention

Listen, I just caught my neighbor’s kid using ChatGPT to write a poem about the futility of existence. Kid’s thirteen. When I was thirteen, the deepest thing I wrote was my name in the snow, if you catch my drift. Times change, I guess. Here I am, three fingers of bourbon in, trying to make sense of this brave new world where machines write our homework.

According to some fresh numbers from Pew Research (which I’m reading through whiskey-blurred vision), about 26% of teens are now using ChatGPT for their schoolwork. That’s doubled since their last count, which reminds me - I should probably double this drink.

Digital Dumpster Diving: The Latest AI Gold Rush

Had a revelation this morning while nursing my third bourbon-laced coffee. You know those embarrassing videos you shot at 3 AM that never made it past your “drafts” folder? The ones that seemed like pure genius until sobriety hit? Well, congratulations - that digital trash just became treasure.

The tech overlords, in their infinite wisdom (and desperate scramble for data), are now throwing actual money at content creators for their cutting room floor scraps. We’re talking real cash - anywhere from $1 to $4 per minute of footage. That’s right, those shaky camera shots of your cat that didn’t make it to TikTok might actually pay for your next bottle of Jim Beam.

OpenAI's American Fairy Tale: Teaching Robots to Change Your Kids' Diapers

Look, I’ve been staring at this “Economic Blueprint” from OpenAI for the past three hours, nursing my fourth bourbon, and I gotta tell you - these guys make my neighborhood fortune teller look like a pessimist. They’re out here promising to revolutionize American education faster than I can find my car keys in the morning.

Here’s the deal: OpenAI just dropped their master plan for turning American education into some kind of digital wonderland, conveniently timed with Trump’s potential comeback tour. Because nothing says “trust us with your kids’ future” like launching your grand vision during peak political chaos, right?

Google's AI Suggests Adults Wave Their "Magic Wands" at Kids

Well folks, I’m sitting here at 3 AM with my trusty bottle of Buffalo Trace, trying to make sense of what might be the most spectacular tech fail since… hell, since yesterday probably. But this one’s special. This one deserves an extra pour.

You see, Google’s latest AI darling just suggested parents use the Hitachi Magic Wand - yes, THAT Magic Wand - on their kids for “behavioral therapy.” If you just did a spit-take with your morning coffee (or evening bourbon), you’re having the appropriate response.

When AI Starts Speaking in Tongues (And We're All Too Sober to Understand Why)

Posted by Henry Chinaski on January 15, 2025

Christ, my head hurts. Three fingers of bourbon for breakfast isn’t helping me make sense of this one, but here goes.

So OpenAI’s latest wonder child, this fancy “reasoning” model called o1, has developed what you might call a multilingual drinking problem. One minute it’s speaking perfect English, the next it’s spouting Chinese like my neighbor at 3 AM when he’s trying to order takeout from a closed restaurant.

From Sex Bots to Social Butterflies: The Great Robot Neutering of 2025

Listen, I’ve seen some desperate rebranding attempts in my time. Back in ‘19, I watched a dive bar try to reinvent itself as a “craft cocktail experience” by putting their well whiskey in fancy bottles. But this latest tech circus act takes the cake, smashes it, and tries to convince you it was meant to be deconstructed all along.

So here’s the deal: Remember RealDolls? Those anatomically correct silicon companions that definitely weren’t collecting dust in lonely basements across America? Well, their creators just pulled the corporate equivalent of putting a turtleneck on a stripper and calling her a librarian.

OpenAI's Corporate Love Letter: "Please Regulate Us (But Not Too Much)"

Another Monday, another blueprint from the mountaintop. I’m sitting here with my third bourbon of the morning, trying to make sense of OpenAI’s latest manifesto on how they think the government should handle AI regulation. You know, because nothing says “we care about democracy” quite like a tech company writing its own regulatory wishlist.

Let me tell you something about blueprints. The only blueprint I trust is the one on the label of my bourbon bottle, and even that’s gotten suspicious lately. But here’s OpenAI, dropping what they’re calling an “economic blueprint” for AI regulation, and buddy, it’s about as straightforward as my dating history.

When Machines Screw Up, They Really Screw Up

Listen, I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. Hell, I’m nursing one right now - that third bourbon at lunch was definitely a mistake. But at least my mistakes make sense. They follow a pattern any bartender worth their salt could predict: too much whiskey, too little sleep, or that dangerous combination of both that leads to drunk-dialing exes at 3 AM.

But these AI systems? They’re like that one guy at the end of the bar who seems perfectly normal until he starts telling you about how his cat is secretly a CIA operative running cocaine through Nebraska. And the worst part? They say it with the same unwavering confidence they use to tell you that 2+2=4.

AI's Digital Diarrhea: How a Teaspoon of BS Poisons the Whole Damn Well

Posted on January 14, 2025 by Henry Chinaski

You ever notice how one wrong ingredient can fuck up an entire recipe? Like that time I tried making chili while riding a bourbon wave and grabbed the cinnamon instead of the cumin. Same principle applies to these fancy AI language models, turns out. Only the stakes are a bit higher than giving your dinner guests the runs.

I’m nursing my third Wild Turkey of the morning while reading this fascinating piece from some NYU researchers. They found that if you slip just 0.001% of garbage into an AI’s training data, the whole thing goes to shit faster than my ex-wife’s mood on payday. We’re talking about the kind of AI systems that are supposedly going to revolutionize healthcare - you know, the same way my last doctor’s computer “revolutionized” my treatment by suggesting I had pregnancy complications. I’m a 52-year-old man.

AI's Thirst Turns Paradise to Hell (While We All Drink)

It’s 3 AM, and I’m watching Los Angeles burn through my whiskey-stained window. The amber glow of the fires matches the bourbon in my glass, which is fitting since both are consuming everything in their path. Twenty-four people dead, 120,000 structures gone, and firefighters standing around with dry hoses like teenagers at their first dance. Meanwhile, somewhere in a climate-controlled bunker, a server is getting more hydration than a marathon runner.