Jan. 9, 2025
Look, I didn’t want to write this piece. I was perfectly content nursing my hangover with coffee that tastes like it was filtered through an old sock. But then some genius had to go and build a robot that can shoot guns while taking voice commands from ChatGPT. Because apparently, that’s where we’re at in 2025.
Let me set the scene: Picture a contraption that looks like someone welded together parts from a washing machine, a rifle, and whatever they could steal from a defunct Chuck E. Cheese animatronic. Now imagine this unholy creation being controlled by the same AI that helps teenagers cheat on their homework. Sweet dreams, everyone.
Jan. 9, 2025
Listen, you beautiful bastards. It’s 9 AM, I’m nursing my third cup of coffee laced with whatever bourbon survived last night’s bender, and I just read this fascinating piece about how human writers are supposedly making a comeback in 2025. The irony of writing about this while fighting the urge to puke isn’t lost on me.
Here’s the deal: for years now, we’ve been told that AI was going to replace us ink-stained wretches. Every venture capital dipshit with a PowerPoint deck has been promising that algorithms would make human writers obsolete. Well, guess what? They were wrong. And the best part? They spent billions figuring that out.
Jan. 8, 2025
Look, I didn’t want to write about this today. My head’s pounding from last night’s philosophical discussion with Jack Daniel’s, and the news isn’t making it any better. But here we are, discussing how some Green Beret decided to get ChatGPT to help him turn a Cybertruck into confetti outside Trump Towers.
Remember when the scariest thing about AI was that it might write better poetry than your college girlfriend? Those were the days.
Jan. 8, 2025
Another hangover, another day watching my inbox fill up with AI-generated love letters from robots pretending to be my best friend. Christ, at least the Nigerian Princes had personality. These new digital con artists are like that guy at the bar who went to a Tony Robbins seminar once and won’t shut up about “scaling his authentic self.”
Let me tell you something about authenticity while I pour myself another bourbon. Last week, I got 47 “personalized” emails telling me how much they loved my latest blog post. Problem is, I hadn’t written one in two weeks because I was too busy trying to figure out if my therapist had been replaced by ChatGPT. The jury’s still out on that one.
Jan. 8, 2025
Look, I’d normally be three bourbons deep before tackling another Sam Altman prophecy, but my doctor says I need to cut back. So here I am, disappointingly sober, reading through Sam’s latest blog post about how OpenAI has “figured out” AGI. And buddy, let me tell you - this hangover would’ve been easier to stomach.
You know what this reminds me of? Every guy at my local bar who’s “figured out” how to get rich quick. They’ve got systems, they’ve got plans, they’ve got everything except actual results. But hey, they just need a little more cash to make it happen. Sound familiar?
Jan. 8, 2025
Look, I wasn’t planning on writing today. My head’s still throbbing from last night’s philosophical debate with a bottle of Wild Turkey about whether consciousness is just a cosmic joke. But then I read about our impending digital ascension, and well… somebody’s got to keep the record straight while we’re all busy planning our upload to the great cloud in the sky.
Let me pour another drink before we dive into this mess.
Jan. 7, 2025
Look, I didn’t plan on starting 2025 by dissecting another tech messiah’s proclamations, but here I am, nursing a hangover while Sam Altman plays fortune teller with our future. Again.
Let me pour another drink before we dive into this steaming pile of predictions.
You know what’s funny about the future? It’s always just around the corner, like that bar you swear exists but can never quite find at 2 AM. Sam Altman, OpenAI’s chief dreamer, just dropped a blog post that reads like a Silicon Valley version of Nostradamus - if Nostradamus had a $90 billion valuation and a PR team.
Jan. 7, 2025
Listen, I’ve been through enough hangovers to know when someone’s trying to sell me a miracle cure. And right now, the whole tech crowd is pushing their latest digital hair of the dog: human superpowers through AI integration. Christ, I need a drink just typing that out.
Let me tell you about Louis Rosenberg, another prophet from the promised land of ones and zeros. He’s got this vision of tomorrow where we’re all walking around with AI-powered glasses, whispering to ourselves like lunatics in a fancy asylum. The future’s so bright, we gotta wear smart shades. And these aren’t your regular Ray-Bans - they’re going to read your mind, or at least pretend to.
Jan. 6, 2025
Just woke up on my couch, bourbon bottle empty on the floor, and saw this news about “Generation Beta” starting in 2025. Had to laugh. These marketing types love their neat little labels, don’t they? But here’s the thing - through my whiskey-addled brain, I realized this might actually matter. Let me tell you why.
First off, let’s get something straight: these Beta kids aren’t just another generation for marketers to target their overpriced crap at. They’re the first batch of humans being born into what I’m calling the Great AI Experiment. And nobody signed their consent forms.
Jan. 6, 2025
Listen, I’ve been through enough benders to know when someone’s talking crazy, and Sam Altman’s latest blog post reads like the ramblings you’d hear at last call from some guy who just discovered DMT.
Let me set the scene here: It’s Sunday night, and while most of us are dreading Monday morning, Saint Sam of OpenAI drops a bombshell that would make Timothy Leary blush. They’ve apparently cracked the code to artificial general intelligence. And hey, why stop there? They’re already pivoting to “superintelligence.”