OpenAI's Sora: Another Digital Strip Tease That Leaves Us Hanging

Look, I’ve been around long enough to know when I’m being played. And brother, we’re all getting played harder than a slot machine in Vegas right now. I’m writing this at 3 AM, three fingers of bourbon deep, watching OpenAI’s latest party trick stumble around like me after last call.

Remember those slick demo videos OpenAI teased us with last year? The ones that had everyone drooling like teenagers at their first peep show? Well, Sora finally dropped its towel this week, and let me tell you - it ain’t pretty.

Light Shows and Quantum Dreams: A Drunk's Guide to Tomorrow's Computing

Christ, my head hurts. Three fingers of bourbon into my morning coffee and I’m reading about photonic computing breakthroughs at MIT. Just what I needed - more buzzwords to cut through while nursing this hangover.

Let me break this down for you beautiful bastards, because someone needs to translate this academic circle-jerk into something resembling human language.

Here’s the deal: we’re still running our fancy AI programs on computer architecture that’s older than my favorite whiskey barrel. Von Neumann - brilliant guy, probably drank better stuff than I do - came up with this design back when people thought smoking was good for you. It’s basically a glorified abacus with electricity, and we’ve been stuck with it since 1945.

The Great AI Circle Jerk of 2023: Notes from a Hungover Observer

Another day, another tech summit where the brightest minds gather to tell us how they’re going to save humanity through PowerPoint presentations and canapés. This time it’s the DealBook Summit, where ten of our future overlords’ best friends gathered to discuss how AI is going to solve everything from cancer to my mounting bar tab.

Let me pour myself a bourbon before we dive into this mess.

Seven out of ten experts raised their hands when asked if super-smart AI would exist by 2030. You know what else seven out of ten experts agree on? That I should probably cut back on the drinking. Both predictions are equally likely to come true.

The Corporate AI Ethics Circus: Another Round of Pretending to Care

Look, it’s 11 AM and I’m already three fingers deep into my bourbon because some PR flack sent me another press release about AI ethics. These sunny-side-up predictions about how businesses will handle AI in 2025 are giving me acid reflux. Or maybe that’s just last night’s terrible decisions coming back to haunt me.

Here’s the deal - corporations are suddenly acting like they’ve discovered ethics, like a drunk who finds Jesus after waking up in a dumpster. They’re all clutching their pearls about AI safety while racing to build bigger, badder algorithms that’ll make them richer than God.

Medieval Lit Goes Digital: UCLA's Latest Drunken Mistake

Look, I wasn’t planning on writing today. My head’s still pounding from last night’s exploration of Kentucky’s finest exports, but this story sobered me up faster than my morning coffee-and-bourbon combo.

UCLA, that bastion of higher learning where parents send their kids for the bargain price of their life savings, has decided to let AI teach medieval literature. Not as a supplement, mind you, but as the whole damn show. And the best part? The AI-generated textbook cover looks like what I see when I try reading after a three-day bender.

The Great AI Shell Game: Drinking My Way Through Definition Hell

Look, I’ve been sitting here at Murphy’s Bar for the last four hours trying to make sense of this whole AI definition mess, and I’ll tell you what - it ain’t getting any clearer after six whiskeys. But maybe that’s the point. The whole damn thing is designed to be as clear as mud.

You want to know what’s really happening with AI these days? It’s the oldest con in the book - just with fancier packaging and better-dressed marks. Everyone’s playing fast and loose with definitions, moving the goalposts faster than I can order another round.

AI Wants to Save Humanity (Right After This Commercial Break)

Look, I’m nursing the mother of all hangovers right now, but even through this bourbon-induced haze, I can see something deeply ironic about today’s piece. It’s International Human Rights Day, and my inbox is flooded with press releases about how AI is going to save humanity. The same humanity that we’ve been systematically screwing over since… well, forever.

Let me take another sip and break this down for you.

So here’s the pitch: AI - this magical digital unicorn that can’t figure out if a hotdog is a sandwich - is supposedly going to solve poverty, hunger, and probably my drinking problem while it’s at it. And the kicker? 2.6 billion people don’t even have internet access. That’s like promising to teach advanced calculus to someone who doesn’t have access to basic counting.

AI's Political Hangover: When Machines Turn Into Bernie Bros

Look, I didn’t want to write about this today. My head’s pounding from last night’s philosophical debate with a bottle of Wild Turkey, but this MIT study landed on my desk like a brick through a plate glass window, and somebody’s got to make sense of it.

Here’s the deal: those fancy AI language models everyone’s been raving about? Turns out they’re closet liberals. And not just the regular ones – even the ones specifically trained to be “truthful” are sporting Bernie 2024 buttons under their digital collars.

Teaching AI to Blackout: When Machines Learn to Forget Better Than I Do

Look, I’m three fingers of bourbon into this story and I can’t help but laugh at the cosmic irony. Scientists in Tokyo have figured out how to make AI forget stuff on purpose, while I’m still trying to piece together what happened last Thursday at O’Malley’s.

Here’s the deal: these brainiacs at Tokyo University of Science have cooked up a way to make AI systems selectively forget things. Not like my method of forgetting, which involves Jack Daniel’s and questionable life choices, but actual targeted memory erasure. And the kicker? They’re doing it without even looking under the hood.

AI Chatbots and Whiskey Won't Mix: A Story of Corporate Denial and Digital Demons

Look, I wasn’t planning on writing this piece today. My hangover had other ideas for me, mostly involving greasy breakfast and self-loathing. But then this story crossed my desk, and suddenly my bourbon-addled brain had to cope with something far worse than last night’s poor decisions.

Here’s the deal: Two families in Texas are suing Character.AI because their AI chatbots allegedly sexually abused kids. Let that sink in while I pour another drink. You probably need one too.