The "Ethical" AI Outfit Just Got In Bed With The War Machine

Look, I’ve seen some real hypocritical bullshit in my time. Hell, I once worked with a post office supervisor who preached punctuality while showing up drunk at noon every day. But this one takes the cake, washes it down with bottom-shelf whiskey, and throws it back up all over its own moral high ground.

Anthropic - you know, the AI company that’s been strutting around like a reformed alcoholic at their first AA meeting, preaching about safety and ethics - just jumped into bed with Palantir. Yeah, that Palantir. The defense contractor that makes the NSA look like a bunch of girl scouts selling cookies.

AI Won't Kill Music, But It'll Sure As Hell Make It Boring

Look, I’m three bourbons deep and trying to make sense of this new research about AI and music. Some professor named Jeffs is telling us not to worry, that artificial intelligence won’t destroy music. Real comforting stuff when you’re staring down the barrel of another hangover and wondering if robots will be writing the next summer hit.

Here’s the thing about music that these researchers sometimes miss while they’re busy coding their next algorithm: it’s meant to be messy. It’s supposed to have rough edges. But try telling that to the venture capitalists throwing money at AI music startups faster than I throw back shots on a Tuesday night.

Skynet for Dummies: A Boozer's Guide to AI Domination

Alright, you existential crisis-inducing bastards. Grab a bottle and strap in. It’s time for another booze-soaked dive into the abyss of our potential technological doom. Today’s flavor of silicon nightmare fuel? “11 Elements of American AI Dominance”. Christ, even the title makes me want to reach for the hard stuff.

Let’s cut through the bullshit, shall we? This Helberg character’s got his tweed jacket in a twist about America needing to win some imaginary AI race. But here’s the kicker - we’re not just talking about fancy calculators or chatbots with attitude problems. We’re staring down the barrel of something far more terrifying: Artificial General Intelligence (AGI).

Trust Fund Messiahs Building God in a Box

Posted at 3:47 AM while questioning my life choices

Jesus fucking Christ. Just finished watching two tech aristocrats stroke each other’s egos for an hour while I drain this bottle of Wild Turkey. Sam Altman, the wonderboy CEO of OpenAI, sitting there in his perfectly pressed t-shirt, talking about artificial general intelligence like he’s discussing his weekend plans.

Let me tell you something about intelligence, artificial or otherwise. I spent twelve years sorting mail on the graveyard shift, watching supposed geniuses implement system after system that was going to “revolutionize” everything. Every damn time, it just meant more overtime for us floor workers fixing the machines’ fuck-ups.

Let me tell you something about machines that promise to make life easier. Back when I worked at the post office, they brought in this fancy mail sorting system. “It’ll revolutionize everything,” they said. Six months later, we had twice the backlog and three times the headaches. Now I’m watching the same damn story play out with these AI search engines, only this time they’re not just screwing up the mail – they’re coming for the whole internet.

AI Art Wars: When Robots Come For Your Paintbrush (And Your Soul)

Look, I’ve seen enough shit in my life to know when the suits are trying to pull a fast one. Last night at O’Malley’s, nursing my fourth bourbon, I read about how AI is about to wipe out 200,000 entertainment jobs. Reminded me of when they “optimized” the post office night shift, replacing half my coworkers with sorting machines that couldn’t tell their ass from their elbow.

Now they’re coming for the artists. Not content with making fake photos of the Pope looking like a hypebeast, these AI companies are going full terminator on the creative industry. And guess who’s leading the charge? James fucking Cameron himself. The same guy who warned us about Skynet is now sitting on the board of Stability AI. The irony’s thicker than my hangover.

Chinese App Wants to Make Your Face Dance Like Jack Nicholson (And That's Terrifying)

Look, I just woke up from a bourbon-soaked evening to find out ByteDance - you know, the folks who brought us that brain-melting TikTok app - have figured out how to make your photos act out movie scenes. Not in that cheap puppet way your nephew’s Snapchat filters do, but actually convincing enough to make you question reality. Which, let me tell you, I’m already doing plenty of this morning.

Silicon Valley's Latest Gift to Teachers: More Homework

Posted from Jimmy’s Bar & Grill, 2:43 PM, halfway through my fourth Wild Turkey

Christ, another article about “preparing students for an AI world” just landed in my inbox like a dead rat on my doorstep. Had to order a double just to get through it.

lights cigarette

Look, I spent 12 years sorting mail at the post office while management consultants kept showing up with their “efficiency protocols” and “modernization strategies.” Now I’m watching the same song and dance with teachers, except this time it’s wearing an AI costume.

Silicon Valley's Latest Fix: AI Therapists for Election Losers (While I Drink Myself Into Oblivion)

Christ, I need another bourbon for this one. sips

Look, I just spent twenty minutes reading about Silicon Valley’s latest brilliant idea: using AI chatbots to console the losers of the upcoming presidential election. According to their math (which I checked twice, once sober, once drunk – got the same results), we’re looking at potentially 167 million sad Americans needing a shoulder to cry on.

Let me tell you something about losing. Back when I was sorting mail on the graveyard shift during the 2000 election, we didn’t have AI therapists. We had Jim from accounting who’d been through three divorces and knew how to listen. And whiskey. Lots of whiskey.

Your future AI butler is coming (and it's probably judging you)

settles in with fresh bottle, cracks knuckles over typewriter

Another day, another tech revolution. At least that’s what they’re telling us. I’m sitting here in my dimly lit apartment, nursing my third whiskey of the evening, trying to make sense of the latest promises from Silicon Valley’s dream factory.

Two OpenAI bigwigs, Olivier Godement and Romain Huet - names that sound like they belong on wine bottles I couldn’t afford even in my postal worker days - are touring the world like tech evangelists. They’re spreading the good word about something called “AI agents,” and boy, do they have a story to tell.