So, some keyboard jockey over at God-knows-where decided to ask ChatGPT how to get rich. And you know what? The damn chatbot answered. Spat out a list of ten “sure-fire” ways to join the yacht-and-caviar crowd. As if those silicon brains have ever had to worry about making rent, let alone building an empire.
Now, I’m nursing a mid-afternoon whiskey – hair of the dog, you know – and staring at this list, and all I can think is, “This is the kind of advice you give someone you don’t want to succeed.” It’s like they took all the success stories, blended them into a flavorless gruel, and served it up with a side of “good luck.”
The original article itself? Blech. “Getting rich isn’t a mystery.” Oh, really? Try telling that to my bar tab. And then this gem: “ChatGPT was trained on over 3 billion words. Every strong opinion has canceled out its opposite. The result is generic guidance that won’t offend anyone.” Well, ain’t that the truth. It’s the digital equivalent of elevator music – designed to be noticed, but never remembered.
Let’s break down this algorithmic wisdom, shall we? With another shot, of course.
Start a Business with Low Overheads: Consulting, coaching, digital products. Sure, sounds easy. Just whip up a digital product, like magic. As if everyone’s got some hidden genius just waiting to be packaged and sold. And the margins? “Huge,” they say. Yeah, huge like the hole in my bank account after a weekend bender. The kicker is you might as well play the lottery, the odds are almost as bad.
Buy Assets That Make Money While You Sleep: Rental properties, dividend stocks… This is where the chatbot clearly hasn’t met my landlord. Or seen the stock market lately. It’s a rollercoaster fueled by greed and algorithms, and I’m pretty sure I’m strapped into the cart that’s about to go off the rails.
Use AI to Automate Tasks: Oh, the irony. The robots are telling us to use robots to get rich. It’s like a snake eating its own tail, only instead of a snake, it’s my livelihood disappearing down the digital drain. But, hey, at least the robots will be rich, right? Maybe they’ll buy me a drink.
Become Known as an Expert: Build your “personal brand.” This is where the LinkedIn bros come in, posting inspirational quotes and humblebrags. But the article says the “top founders” play the long game. Yeah, the long game of pretending to be someone they’re not. I’d rather be authentically broke than fake-rich any day.
Create Products from Your Knowledge: Books, courses, templates… Because everyone’s dying to learn how to… what, exactly? Mix the perfect Old Fashioned? Survive on ramen and regret? My expertise might be a little too niche for the mass market. Although, a “Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse (with Alcohol)” might have some legs…
Grow an Audience and Convert Them into Customers: Ah, the funnel. Lure them in with freebies, then bleed them dry with overpriced courses and coaching. It’s the digital equivalent of a timeshare presentation, only instead of a condo in Florida, you’re getting a PDF and a vague promise of success.
Find Bargains and Sell Them for Profit: This one actually requires capital, which, as the original article so helpfully points out, ChatGPT conveniently forgot to mention. So, unless you’ve got a rich uncle or a winning lottery ticket, you’re stuck browsing the clearance rack at the digital thrift store.
Create Exclusive Groups and Charge for Membership: The ultimate grift. Pay to be part of a “community” of people who are also paying to be part of a community. It’s a pyramid scheme of loneliness, and I’m pretty sure I’d rather drink alone.
Buy an Existing Business Using Other People’s Money: This is where the fantasy really takes off. Just waltz into a bank, flash your winning smile, and ask for a few million to buy a business you know nothing about. What could possibly go wrong? It’s like a financial horror movie waiting to happen.
Learn Valuable Skills: Sales, marketing, finance… You know, the stuff that makes you want to drown yourself in a vat of cheap whiskey. The article says these skills “compound over time.” Yeah, like my liver damage.
The article ends with this nugget of wisdom: “Pick a path that matches your skills and risk tolerance.” My skills? Drinking and complaining. My risk tolerance? Surprisingly high, considering my life choices. So, I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing, and maybe one day, I’ll stumble into a fortune. Or, more likely, another bar.
And the punchline is, I almost agree with the bot. Almost. It’s all about execution. It’s all a big gamble. And I’m pretty sure the house always wins. Except, there is no “house” here. It’s just a bunch of code, spitting out platitudes.
So, cheers to the robots, I guess. May they inherit the earth, and may they have better luck with this “get rich quick” scheme than I’ve had. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the bottom of this glass is calling my name. Bottoms up. As usual.