Sam Altman's Digital Hunger Games: Pay-to-Play AI and the Coming Class War

Another Monday morning, and my coffee’s getting cold while I try to make sense of Sam Altman’s latest prophecy about our AI-powered future. The Oracle of OpenAI has spoken, and apparently, we’re all going to need “compute budgets” just to exist in tomorrow’s world. Think of it as your monthly bourbon allowance, except instead of sweet Kentucky nectar, you’re buying the right to ask a machine what tie goes with your shirt.

Digital Séance: When Dead Scientists and TV Characters Talk AI Ethics

Look, I’m nursing my third bourbon of the morning while trying to wrap my head around this one. Some MIT whiz kid decided to host an AI ethics panel with Marie Curie, Lord Voldemort, and that insufferable know-it-all from The Big Bang Theory. Sounds like the setup for a bad joke, right? “A dead scientist, a fictional wizard, and a TV nerd walk into a bar…”

But here’s where it gets interesting, and trust me, you’ll want to be sitting down for this one. They’re using something called “computational biology” to make this fever dream happen. Now, before you roll your eyes and reach for the bottle like I just did, let me break this down.

When True Crime Goes AI: Murder, Lies, and Content Creation

Another Monday morning, another existential crisis over my coffee and aspirin. But this one’s special, folks. While you were all busy binge-watching true crime shows last night, I stumbled across something that makes my usual hangover seem almost quaint.

Remember those late-night YouTube rabbit holes where you convince yourself that watching “just one more” murder documentary is a good idea? Well, turns out some of those holes go deeper than we thought, and they’re filled with artificial snake oil.

AI Wants You to Love Yourself (And Maybe Buy Some Self-Help Books)

Another Friday morning, another tech breakthrough promising to fix what’s broken inside us. This time it’s about teaching people to love themselves using AI, which is about as promising as my last attempt at dating sobriety.

I just finished reading this piece between sips of coffee (okay, bourbon - who am I kidding?) about how the latest AI chatbots can help you achieve self-love. You know, because apparently we’ve all forgotten how to pat ourselves on the back without a computer’s permission.

When AI Meets Hollywood: Deepfakes, Nazis, and a Very Tired Scarlett

Look, I’m nursing my fourth cup of coffee this morning, trying to make sense of this mess. Remember when the worst thing a celebrity had to worry about was a bad paparazzi shot or a drunken TMZ video? Those were simpler times, friends.

So here’s the deal: Someone decided to cook up an AI video featuring Scarlett Johansson and a bunch of other Jewish celebrities supposedly taking a stand against Kanye West’s latest antisemitic tirade. The video’s got everything - “Hava Nagila” playing in the background, middle fingers flying, and more fake celebrities than a Vegas impersonator convention.

The Great AI Reshuffle: When Robots Become Your Boss's Boss

Another Thursday morning, nursing my bourbon-induced headache while scrolling through the news. Meta’s laying off 3,600 people, and Zuckerberg’s talking about AI replacing mid-level engineers. Jesus Christ. I need another drink just processing this shit.

Let me break this down for you beautiful disasters: Meta isn’t just firing people – they’re rebuilding their entire corporate structure around AI. And they’re not alone. Every tech company worth their overvalued stock options is doing the same dance.

BBC Boss Discovers AI Can't Read News, Demands Adult Supervision

Look, I’ve been staring at this whiskey glass for the past hour trying to make sense of BBC News CEO Deborah Turness’s earth-shattering revelation that AI chatbots aren’t particularly good at reading the news. Christ, I could’ve told them that for free, saved them a bunch of research money they could’ve spent on, I don’t know, actual journalism?

Between sips of bourbon (the cheap stuff, because this economy isn’t kind to independent tech bloggers), I’m reading how they tested ChatGPT, Perplexity, and their AI buddies by having them read BBC News articles. Turns out these digital wonderkids are about as reliable as my ex-girlfriend’s promises – getting things wrong about half the time.

AI Ethics Gets a Shot of Reality, Straight No Chaser

Another Thursday morning, and here I am, nursing my fourth cup of coffee while reading about OpenAI’s latest attempt to make their robotic offspring more human. They’ve just released a 63-page document explaining how their AI should behave, which is about 53 pages longer than most human behavior guides I’ve encountered in dive bars.

The real kicker here is that OpenAI wants their AI to start handling controversial topics like a grown-up instead of clutching its digital pearls every time someone asks a spicy question. Remember when Elon Musk threw a fit because Google’s chatbot wouldn’t misgender someone even to prevent nuclear apocalypse? Well, OpenAI’s taking notes, and their new stance is basically “yeah, maybe save humanity first, apologize later.”

Five Cozy Fairy Tales About AI That'll Get Us All Killed

Look, I’ve been staring at this article since 6 AM, nursing what might be the worst bourbon headache of my miserable existence, and I can’t help but laugh at how we’re all dancing around the elephant in the room. You know, the one wearing a “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” t-shirt while casually holding a doomsday device.

So there’s this AI summit in Paris - because of course it’s in Paris, where else would you discuss the potential end of humanity except over croissants and overpriced coffee? The big news? Sixty countries signed some feel-good declaration about “inclusive and sustainable” AI. Meanwhile, the UK and US are sitting in the corner like the contrarian assholes at a party, refusing to play nice with others.

A Country of Geniuses, My Ass.

So, Anthropic’s CEO, this Dario Amodei cat, is out there squawking about AI becoming a “country of geniuses” by 2026. 2026! That’s, like, two hangovers from now. Maybe three, depending on the quality of the bourbon. And this pronouncement comes after he trashes some fancy-pants AI summit in Paris. Apparently, the croissants weren’t up to snuff, or maybe they ran out of single malt.

He’s calling it a “missed opportunity.” Yeah, well, I missed the opportunity to win the lottery last night, but you don’t see me writing official statements about it. Although, maybe I should. “Chinaski Blasts Lottery Commission for Gross Negligence, Demands Immediate Redraw.” Has a certain ring to it, no?