Jan. 11, 2025
Listen, I’ve been around long enough to know a shakedown when I see one. And between pulls of Jim Beam at 3 AM last night, reading about OpenAI’s latest stunt, I couldn’t help but flash back to that time Joey “The Wrench” explained to me how protection money works. Only difference is, Joey had the courtesy to look you in the eye while he was squeezing you.
Let me paint you a picture through my whiskey-tinted glasses: There’s this small Ukrainian company called Triplegangers, seven honest workers doing honest digital work, selling 3D scans of real humans. Think digital mannequins for the cyber age. They’re minding their own business when suddenly - BAM! - OpenAI’s digital goons come knocking, not with baseball bats but with 600+ bot IPs hammering their servers like it’s a game of digital whack-a-mole.
Dec. 26, 2024
Look, I’ve been staring at this bourbon glass for the past hour trying to figure out how to tell you this without sounding like another tech doom prophet, but here’s the cold hard truth: your email address is about as secure as my sobriety at an open bar wedding. And Google’s latest “groundbreaking” solution? About as effective as putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound.
Let me break this down while I pour another drink.
Dec. 16, 2024
Listen, I’m three fingers into my morning bourbon and trying to process this latest piece of techno-madness. They’re making AI play Santa now. Because apparently, we couldn’t leave one damn thing sacred in this world without slapping some algorithms on it.
Here’s the deal: companies are rolling out AI chatbots dressed up in digital red suits, promising to bring Christmas magic to your kids through the power of machine learning. And the whole thing’s about as authentic as the “bourbon-flavored whiskey” they serve at the strip mall bar near my apartment.
Dec. 4, 2024
Look, I wouldn’t normally be writing this early in the day, but my bourbon’s getting warm and these government warnings about AI are colder than my ex-wife’s shoulder. So here we go.
Some suit from the British government just announced that AI is “transforming the cyber threat landscape.” No shit, Sherlock. Next thing they’ll tell us is that drinking makes you piss more. But let’s dig into this steaming pile of obvious while I pour another.
Nov. 18, 2024
Listen, I’ve been staring at this screen for three hours trying to make sense of the latest cybersecurity bullshit that landed in my inbox. Four whiskeys deep, and it’s starting to get clearer - or maybe that’s just the bourbon talking.
Here’s the deal: remember when being a criminal required actual skills? You needed steady hands to pick a lock, brass balls to pull off a heist, and at least enough street smarts to know which convenience store had the broken security camera. Those were simpler times, my friends.
Nov. 17, 2024
Listen, I’ve been sitting here since 4 AM, nursing my third bourbon and trying to make sense of this latest tech hustle. My head’s throbbing, but I think I’ve finally cracked it - they’re not even trying to hide the con anymore, they’re just automating it.
Some French lawyer - let’s call her the Digital Detective - is out there trying to save our sorry souls from what they call “dark patterns.” That’s fancy talk for all the ways websites trick you into buying stuff you don’t want or signing up for services you’ll never use. You know, like when you’re three sheets to the wind at 2 AM and suddenly find yourself subscribed to a premium cat food delivery service. Not that I’m speaking from experience.