Light Shows and Quantum Dreams: A Drunk's Guide to Tomorrow's Computing

Christ, my head hurts. Three fingers of bourbon into my morning coffee and I’m reading about photonic computing breakthroughs at MIT. Just what I needed - more buzzwords to cut through while nursing this hangover.

Let me break this down for you beautiful bastards, because someone needs to translate this academic circle-jerk into something resembling human language.

Here’s the deal: we’re still running our fancy AI programs on computer architecture that’s older than my favorite whiskey barrel. Von Neumann - brilliant guy, probably drank better stuff than I do - came up with this design back when people thought smoking was good for you. It’s basically a glorified abacus with electricity, and we’ve been stuck with it since 1945.