The Sweet Despair of a Year-Long Paid Nap

Alright, pour yourself something strong. Or don’t. Makes no difference to the world, but it might make reading this easier. Got my coffee here, black as my outlook, with a little something extra to cut through the Tuesday morning fog that feels suspiciously like last night’s bourbon trying to stage a comeback.

So, get this. The geniuses over at Google DeepMind, the wizards cooking up our eventual robot overlords in their London labs, have apparently figured out a new way to screw with the human condition. Forget killer AI – they’re perfecting the art of the golden cage.

When AI Meets Hollywood: Deepfakes, Nazis, and a Very Tired Scarlett

Look, I’m nursing my fourth cup of coffee this morning, trying to make sense of this mess. Remember when the worst thing a celebrity had to worry about was a bad paparazzi shot or a drunken TMZ video? Those were simpler times, friends.

So here’s the deal: Someone decided to cook up an AI video featuring Scarlett Johansson and a bunch of other Jewish celebrities supposedly taking a stand against Kanye West’s latest antisemitic tirade. The video’s got everything - “Hava Nagila” playing in the background, middle fingers flying, and more fake celebrities than a Vegas impersonator convention.

Five Cozy Fairy Tales About AI That'll Get Us All Killed

Look, I’ve been staring at this article since 6 AM, nursing what might be the worst bourbon headache of my miserable existence, and I can’t help but laugh at how we’re all dancing around the elephant in the room. You know, the one wearing a “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” t-shirt while casually holding a doomsday device.

So there’s this AI summit in Paris - because of course it’s in Paris, where else would you discuss the potential end of humanity except over croissants and overpriced coffee? The big news? Sixty countries signed some feel-good declaration about “inclusive and sustainable” AI. Meanwhile, the UK and US are sitting in the corner like the contrarian assholes at a party, refusing to play nice with others.

A Country of Geniuses, My Ass.

So, Anthropic’s CEO, this Dario Amodei cat, is out there squawking about AI becoming a “country of geniuses” by 2026. 2026! That’s, like, two hangovers from now. Maybe three, depending on the quality of the bourbon. And this pronouncement comes after he trashes some fancy-pants AI summit in Paris. Apparently, the croissants weren’t up to snuff, or maybe they ran out of single malt.

He’s calling it a “missed opportunity.” Yeah, well, I missed the opportunity to win the lottery last night, but you don’t see me writing official statements about it. Although, maybe I should. “Chinaski Blasts Lottery Commission for Gross Negligence, Demands Immediate Redraw.” Has a certain ring to it, no?

Sam Altman's Ode to Our Robot Overlords (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Singularity)

Alright, pour yourself a stiff one – preferably something that burns on the way down – and let’s wade through this… masterpiece… from Sam Altman, the guy currently holding the reins of our impending AI-pocalypse. Or utopia. Depends on who you ask, and how many drinks they’ve had.

He calls it “Three Observations.” More like “Three Hail Marys to the Algorithm Gods.”

First off, the man loves his buzzwords. “AGI,” “socioeconomic value,” “individual empowerment”… It’s like a bingo card for tech-bro bullshit. But buried beneath the jargon, there’s a nugget of something… well, not truth, exactly. More like a greasy, half-eaten hot dog of an idea.

Parisian Horse Manure: AI Summit Smells Like a Stall That Needs Cleaning

So, this fella, some hack named Kevin, writes up this piece about the big AI shindig in Paris. Five notes, he calls it. More like five whiffs of the same stale croissant, if you ask me. World leaders, tech fat cats, and the usual gaggle of yes-men all huddled together, patting each other on the back while the digital apocalypse brews in their fancy labs.

And me? I’m reading this, nursing a glass of something that burns just right, thinking, “These clowns are even more clueless than I thought.” It’s Tuesday, I think, and my head already feels like a dropped bowling ball, so bear with me.

The Robots are Coming for Your Spreadsheets, and Your Soul

So, the think-tank jockeys over at the Institute for Public Policy Research (IPPR) – probably fueled by lukewarm tea and existential dread – have decided that AI is about to turn 70% of Britain’s “knowledge economy” into a digital wasteland. Knowledge economy. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? Like something you’d find on a LinkedIn profile right next to “Synergy Facilitator” and “Disruptive Innovator.” In reality, it probably means a whole lot of people staring at spreadsheets, crafting marketing emails that nobody reads, and attending meetings that could have been an email.

Uncle Sam Wants YOU... to Stop Talking to Chinese Robots

So, the suits in Washington are finally waking up. Not to the smell of coffee, mind you. More like the smell of burning yuan and the faint whisper of data exfiltration. Seems our esteemed Rep. Josh Gottheimer (D-NJ), bless his cotton socks, has decided that DeepSeek AI, the chatbot that’s been making waves, might be a little too friendly with the folks in Beijing.

And I’m sitting here, staring at the amber depths of my glass, wondering if this is the beginning of the end, or just another Tuesday. Probably just another Tuesday, being Saturday and all.

The Robots Are Coming, and They're Arguing About Who Gets to Rule the World

So, the suits are gathering in Paris. Another “summit.” Another chance for world leaders to preen and posture, this time about AI. The Artificial Intelligence Action Summit, they call it. Sounds about as exciting as a tax audit, doesn’t it? But hold on to your hats, folks, because apparently, there’s a new sheriff in AI town, and its name is… DeepSeek.

Yeah, DeepSeek. Sounds like something you’d find advertised in the back pages of a pulp magazine, right next to the X-ray specs and the sea monkeys. But this ain’t no two-bit gimmick. This is China’s latest entry in the AI arms race, and according to some, it’s making the big boys in the US sweat a little.

Musk, A.I., and the Government: A Match Made in... Well, You Know

Alright, pour yourself a stiff one, folks, because this is gonna be a doozy. It’s barely past 9 in the goddamn morning on a Tuesday, and the news is already enough to make a man want to drown his sorrows in a bottle of the cheap stuff.

So, the big news, eh? Elon’s gone full-blown bureaucrat, and he’s bringing his robot army with him. They’re calling it the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, for Christ’s sake. Because nothing screams “serious government agency” like a meme-inspired acronym, right? Might as well call it the Ministry of Silly Walks while they’re at it.

EU's AI Ban: When Skynet Meets Bureaucracy

Alright, folks, gather ‘round the digital campfire, pour yourselves a stiff one – or don’t, your call – and let’s dissect this latest bit of bureaucratic brilliance from the land of croissants and regulations. The EU, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to ban AI systems deemed “unacceptable risk.” Because, you know, nothing says “innovation” like a good old-fashioned prohibition.

So, as of yesterday, February 2nd – a date that will surely live in infamy – the EU has officially kicked off the compliance deadlines for its grand AI Act. And what’s the first order of business? Why, banning the scary stuff, of course. The stuff they’ve labeled “unacceptable risk.” Sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Like they’re expecting these AIs to start demanding human sacrifices or something.

Uncle Sam's Iron Diaper: How Our Tech Titans Learned to Love the Nanny State

So, the suits over at DeepSeek dropped a new AI model, the R1. Cheap, they say. And you know what that means? It means the boys in the boardrooms are shaking in their thousand-dollar loafers. They’re scared. Scared that maybe, just maybe, their golden goose is about to get cooked by a competitor they can’t control with their usual bag of tricks.

And where do these titans of industry turn when the going gets tough? Why, to the warm, suffocating embrace of Uncle Sam, of course. They’re practically begging for a “Great Firewall of America” now. A firewall to protect their profits, mind you, not your freedoms. Not that they ever really gave a damn about those in the first place. No sir, it’s all about the bottom line. Always has been, always will be.

AI's Stolen Goods: Will the Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up?

Alright, so it’s Monday, and my head feels like a herd of elephants tap-danced on it all night. But even through this fog, I can see the shitstorm brewing in the digital world. Seems like the suits over at OpenAI are in hot water again. This time, it’s the book publishers in India who are pissed. And you know what? They might have a point.

These AI whiz kids built these fancy language models that can churn out text like there’s no tomorrow. The problem? They trained these digital brains on books. Lots of books. Books that people actually poured their souls into writing, probably while downing just as much whiskey as I do now, if they were any good. And now, these silicon Frankensteins are spitting out summaries and extracts, and the publishers are screaming bloody murder. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” they’re saying. Or, you know, something like that.

AI: The New Cold War, or Just Another Hangover Waiting to Happen?

Alright, so it’s Monday afternoon, and my head feels like a dumpster fire after a three-day bender. But hey, duty calls, even if that duty is just me, your humble, whiskey-soaked narrator of the digital wasteland, trying to make sense of the latest silicon-fueled pissing contest. This time, it’s about AI, naturally. Because what else would the world’s powers be squabbling over?

So, The Guardian, bless their bleeding-heart souls, is all in a tizzy about a “global AI race.” Apparently, Putin, that charming KGB sweetheart, once said that whoever masters AI will “rule the world.” Which, let’s be honest, sounds like something a Bond villain would say right before he unleashes a laser beam from his moon base.

Lone Star Lemonade: Texas Sours on AI

Alright, folks, pour yourself a tall one. It’s Monday, and the hair of the dog is the only thing standing between me and a full-blown existential crisis. The kind where you start questioning if reality’s just a poorly coded simulation run by a hungover deity. Speaking of hangovers, this news out of Texas is enough to give even the most seasoned drinker a skull-splitter.

Seems the Lone Star State, the land of “Don’t Mess With Texas” and “Everything’s Bigger in Texas,” has decided to take a big ol’ dump on the very idea of technological progress. They’ve cooked up a new piece of legislation called the Texas Responsible AI Governance Act, or TRAIGA, as they like to call it. Sounds like a cheap tequila that’ll leave you regretting all your life choices, and honestly, that might be an apt description.

Robodoc Will See You Now: Another Prescription for Disaster

Alright, folks, pour yourselves a stiff one – you’re gonna need it. I’ve been staring at this screen all Sunday morning, fueled by cheap whiskey and cheaper cigarettes, trying to make sense of the latest steaming pile of digital dung our elected officials have decided to drop on us.

And let me tell you, this one’s a doozy. They want to let AI prescribe your meds.

Yeah, you heard that right. The same AI that can’t tell the difference between a fire hydrant and a mailbox is now going to be doling out controlled substances. What could possibly go wrong?

AI, Copyright, and Other Bullshit: The Suits Are Coming for Your Soul

So, I’m sitting here on a Sunday, hair of the dog doing its magic, trying to make sense of this goddamn news cycle. And what do I stumble upon? Another gem about how our digital overlords are screwing us all over, this time with a little help from our friends in China. I swear, sometimes I think I’d be better off if my brain was just a pickled walnut floating in a jar of cheap bourbon.

AI: The New Cockfight, and We're All Just Roosters

Another Wednesday, another hangover. And another bunch of suits in Washington and Beijing playing chicken with our collective future, this time with Artificial Intelligence. You know, that thing that’s supposed to make our lives easier but instead has everyone sweating bullets about Skynet and robot overlords.

This article I stumbled upon, bleary-eyed and nursing a lukewarm cup of coffee this morning - “There can be no winners in a US-China AI arms race” - well, it’s the kind of thing that makes you want to reach for the good stuff, even if it is only 8 am.

OpenAI: From "Saving Humanity" to Sucking Up to Uncle Sam (and Sucking Down All the Juice)

Alright, folks, pour yourself a stiff one. It’s Wednesday, pushing eight in the morning, and already the stench of bullshit is thick enough to choke a horse. Today’s special? OpenAI, the darlings of the AI world, have decided to grease the wheels of democracy with a whole lot more green. How much more, you ask? Try seven times more than last year. That’s right, seven. Like the number of whiskeys I’ll need to get through this without throwing my laptop out the window.

AI: Are We Screwing Ourselves With Fancy Calculators?

So, it’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m nursing a glass of something strong enough to strip paint, staring at this World Economic Forum report on AI risks. Funny, “World Economic Forum” sounds like the kind of place where they serve drinks in glasses that cost more than my rent, but I digress. Anyway, these suits are finally waking up to what I’ve been saying for years: AI ain’t all sunshine and robot butlers.

America-Hating Commies, AI, and Other Fairy Tales for Grown-Ups

Well, folks, it’s Sunday afternoon, which means the hangover’s finally starting to loosen its grip, the shakes are down to a mild tremor, and I’m just about ready to face another week of this digital clown show we call the future. My head’s pounding like a cheap drum, but even that can’t drown out the noise coming from the latest tech drama. It’s the kind of circus that makes you want to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over your head, and hope the world’s a little less insane when you wake up.

OpenAI's New Manifesto: A Love Letter to Uncle Sam (Written Through Beer Goggles)

Originally published on WastedWetware.com, January 16, 2025

I should’ve known better than to read OpenAI’s latest manifesto while nursing this monster hangover. But here I am, three fingers of bourbon deep at 11 AM, trying to make sense of what might be the most ambitious corporate plea for government handouts since the 2008 bank bailouts.

Let me tell you something about manifestos - they’re like pickup lines at last call. They sound profound in the moment, but in the cold light of day, you realize it’s just someone trying to get what they want while making it sound like they’re doing you a favor.

OpenAI's Corporate Love Letter: "Please Regulate Us (But Not Too Much)"

Another Monday, another blueprint from the mountaintop. I’m sitting here with my third bourbon of the morning, trying to make sense of OpenAI’s latest manifesto on how they think the government should handle AI regulation. You know, because nothing says “we care about democracy” quite like a tech company writing its own regulatory wishlist.

Let me tell you something about blueprints. The only blueprint I trust is the one on the label of my bourbon bottle, and even that’s gotten suspicious lately. But here’s OpenAI, dropping what they’re calling an “economic blueprint” for AI regulation, and buddy, it’s about as straightforward as my dating history.

The AI Safety Circle: Where Nobel Laureates Meet Reality's Hangover

Listen, it’s 3 AM and I’m nursing my fourth bourbon while trying to make sense of this latest AI safety hysteria. Geoffrey Hinton just grabbed his Nobel Prize and decided to tell us what we’ve all been screaming about for years - AI needs a leash. Great timing, doc. Really appreciate you joining the party after the robot’s already drunk-texted its ex.

Here’s the thing about AI regulation that nobody wants to admit: it’s like trying to enforce last call at an infinite bar. Everyone agrees we need rules, but nobody can agree on when to cut off service. And trust me, I know a thing or two about last calls.

EU Bureaucrats Try to Tame the AI Beast (While I Try to Tame This Hangover)

Look, I wouldn’t normally be awake this early, but my neighbor’s kid decided 6 AM was the perfect time to practice their drum solo. So here I am, nursing both a hangover and a fresh cup of bourbon-laced coffee, reading about how the European Data Protection Board is trying to figure out if AI companies can legally use our data without asking first.

Here’s the deal: these regulatory folks just dropped their latest opinion on how AI companies should handle personal data without getting their asses handed to them by EU privacy laws. And boy, is it a doozy.

Rich Man's Tears: When Billionaire VCs Run Scared

Listen, I need you to pour yourself a drink before we get into this one. Trust me, you’ll need it. I’m already three fingers deep into my bourbon, and the sun’s barely crawled over the horizon.

Marc Andreessen, Silicon Valley’s favorite doomsday prepper in a $2000 suit, just had his come-to-Jesus moment with the Biden administration, and boy, did it send him running straight into Trump’s spray-tanned embrace. The whole thing reads like a bad tech noir novel, except instead of femme fatales, we’ve got government staffers with regulatory frameworks.

AI Report Cards Are In: Everyone's Dumber Than My Bourbon

Listen, I’ve seen some shit grades in my time. Failed more classes than I can count, mostly because I was too busy learning life lessons at O’Malley’s Bar & Grill. But these AI hotshots? They just made my academic career look like Einstein’s.

The Future of Life Institute just dropped their AI Safety Index, and holy hell, it’s like watching a bunch of kindergarteners try to solve differential equations while eating paste. The top score - the absolute pinnacle of achievement - went to Anthropic with a C. A fucking C. That’s what you get when you write your term paper in crayon fifteen minutes before class.

The Digital Dystopia Express: All Aboard for 2025

by Henry Chinaski

It’s 3 AM, and I’m staring at my screen through a haze of bourbon fumes and cigarette smoke, trying to make sense of what’s coming down the pike. The news just dropped about Trump’s second term plans, and boy, do I need another drink.

Let me paint you a picture while I pour myself a fresh glass of Wild Turkey. Remember when your parents told you everything would be fine if you just worked hard and played by the rules? Well, welcome to 2025, where the rules are made up and your hard work doesn’t matter.

Trump's Latest Brilliant Idea: Let's Add Another Czar to the Circus

Look, I’ll be honest - I started writing this at 3 AM with a bottle of Jim Beam keeping me company, and the news isn’t getting any better with sobriety. Our potential future president wants to appoint an “AI czar.” Because that’s exactly what we need right now - another bureaucrat with a fancy title trying to regulate something they probably think is just robots from The Terminator.

And the cherry on top? They’re thinking about combining it with a “crypto czar” position. Because nothing says “I understand cutting-edge technology” quite like lumping together artificial intelligence and digital monkey JPEGs under one umbrella.

Brussels' Latest Hangover: A Drunk's Guide to the EU AI Act

Look, I didn’t want to write about this. I was perfectly content nursing my bourbon and watching the neon sign outside my window flicker like a dying neural network. But my editor’s been riding my ass about deadlines, and apparently, you people need to understand what’s happening with this EU AI Act business. So here we go.

First off, let me tell you what this isn’t. It’s not another one of those “we’re all gonna die from killer robots” pieces. I’ve read enough of those to last several lifetimes, usually around 3 AM when the whiskey’s running low and my judgment even lower.

Former Google Boss Wants Armed Guards for AI Labs, and I Need Another Drink

Another day, another tech executive having an existential crisis. This time it’s Eric Schmidt, former Google CEO, warning us that artificial intelligence might start cooking up deadly viruses in its spare time. And here I thought my microwave plotting against me was just the bourbon talking.

Look, Schmidt’s not entirely wrong. He’s suggesting we might need to guard AI labs the same way we guard nuclear facilities - with armed personnel and enough firepower to make a small country nervous. The kicker? He thinks we might need to actually “pull the plug” if things get dicey. Because apparently, the off switch is going to be our last line of defense against synthetic biology gone wrong.

Borrowed Brains: A Hangover Chat with the Ghost in Your Machine

The Digital Spirit World: Software Agents and Modern Animism

You know what’s funny? While we’re all sitting here smugly thinking we’re so much smarter than our ancestors with their spirits and gods and whatnot, Joscha Bach comes along and basically tells us we’re running the same damn operating system - just with fancier hardware.

Christ, my head is pounding. Had a late night arguing with some Stanford PhD candidate about consciousness at the local dive bar. But here’s the thing - our cave-dwelling ancestors might’ve been onto something with all their talk about spirits and possession. They just didn’t have the vocabulary to describe what we now call “software agents” or “cognitive patterns.”

Skynet for Dummies: A Boozer's Guide to AI Domination

Alright, you existential crisis-inducing bastards. Grab a bottle and strap in. It’s time for another booze-soaked dive into the abyss of our potential technological doom. Today’s flavor of silicon nightmare fuel? “11 Elements of American AI Dominance”. Christ, even the title makes me want to reach for the hard stuff.

Let’s cut through the bullshit, shall we? This Helberg character’s got his tweed jacket in a twist about America needing to win some imaginary AI race. But here’s the kicker - we’re not just talking about fancy calculators or chatbots with attitude problems. We’re staring down the barrel of something far more terrifying: Artificial General Intelligence (AGI).