When the Machines Start Libeling You: ChatGPT's Norwegian Nightmare

So, some poor bastard in Norway, name of Arve Hjalmar Holmen – sounds like a character out of a goddamn Ibsen play, right? – this guy goes and asks ChatGPT, that digital oracle everyone’s so hot and bothered about, “Who am I?” And the damn thing spits back, “You’re a child murderer.”

Yeah, you heard that right. Accused him of offing his own kids. Cold. Colder than a witch’s… well, you get the picture.

The Cookie Crumbles: AI, Bias, and the Illusion of Fairness

Alright, pour yourself a stiff one, because we’re diving headfirst into the digital sewer. This NYU News piece, “Navigating trust in an age of increasing AI influence,” – catchy, right? Sounds like something a marketing robot coughed up after too many lines of binary code – it’s got me reaching for another glass of bourbon, and it’s only, what, mid-afternoon on a Wednesday?

The gist of it is this: AI is everywhere, it’s biased as hell, and we’re all supposed to just… trust it? Coca-Cola’s using it to hawk sugary swill, German political parties are crafting fantasy worlds with it, and the Los Angeles Times tried to build a “bias meter” that ended up sounding like a Klansman’s PR flack. It’s a goddamn circus, and we, my friends, are the clowns.

The Fine Art of Digital Theft: When Robots Paint for Profit

Look, I’ve been staring at this Christie’s AI art auction story for hours now, nursing my fourth bourbon of the morning. Not because I need the drink to understand it - though it helps - but because every time I think I’ve wrapped my head around the absurdity, it gets even more bizarre.

Here’s Christie’s, this fancy-pants auction house that’s been selling overpriced paintings to rich people since before America was a country, suddenly deciding to peddle computer-generated pictures. And they’re calling it “Augmented Intelligence” because apparently “AI” doesn’t sound expensive enough anymore.

Sam Altman's Ode to Our Robot Overlords (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Singularity)

Alright, pour yourself a stiff one – preferably something that burns on the way down – and let’s wade through this… masterpiece… from Sam Altman, the guy currently holding the reins of our impending AI-pocalypse. Or utopia. Depends on who you ask, and how many drinks they’ve had.

He calls it “Three Observations.” More like “Three Hail Marys to the Algorithm Gods.”

First off, the man loves his buzzwords. “AGI,” “socioeconomic value,” “individual empowerment”… It’s like a bingo card for tech-bro bullshit. But buried beneath the jargon, there’s a nugget of something… well, not truth, exactly. More like a greasy, half-eaten hot dog of an idea.

Parisian Horse Manure: AI Summit Smells Like a Stall That Needs Cleaning

So, this fella, some hack named Kevin, writes up this piece about the big AI shindig in Paris. Five notes, he calls it. More like five whiffs of the same stale croissant, if you ask me. World leaders, tech fat cats, and the usual gaggle of yes-men all huddled together, patting each other on the back while the digital apocalypse brews in their fancy labs.

And me? I’m reading this, nursing a glass of something that burns just right, thinking, “These clowns are even more clueless than I thought.” It’s Tuesday, I think, and my head already feels like a dropped bowling ball, so bear with me.

Uncle Sam Wants YOU... to Stop Talking to Chinese Robots

So, the suits in Washington are finally waking up. Not to the smell of coffee, mind you. More like the smell of burning yuan and the faint whisper of data exfiltration. Seems our esteemed Rep. Josh Gottheimer (D-NJ), bless his cotton socks, has decided that DeepSeek AI, the chatbot that’s been making waves, might be a little too friendly with the folks in Beijing.

And I’m sitting here, staring at the amber depths of my glass, wondering if this is the beginning of the end, or just another Tuesday. Probably just another Tuesday, being Saturday and all.

The Machines are Thirsty, and the Planet is Paying the Tab

So, a bunch of do-gooders, over 100 organizations, bless their bleeding hearts, have penned a love letter to the AI overlords and their political puppets. The gist? Our shiny new digital gods are guzzling power and water like a wino at an open bar, and the Earth is picking up the tab. This, of course, is all happening right before some bigwig AI shindig in Paris. Timing, as they say, is everything.

Musk, A.I., and the Government: A Match Made in... Well, You Know

Alright, pour yourself a stiff one, folks, because this is gonna be a doozy. It’s barely past 9 in the goddamn morning on a Tuesday, and the news is already enough to make a man want to drown his sorrows in a bottle of the cheap stuff.

So, the big news, eh? Elon’s gone full-blown bureaucrat, and he’s bringing his robot army with him. They’re calling it the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, for Christ’s sake. Because nothing screams “serious government agency” like a meme-inspired acronym, right? Might as well call it the Ministry of Silly Walks while they’re at it.

EU's AI Ban: When Skynet Meets Bureaucracy

Alright, folks, gather ‘round the digital campfire, pour yourselves a stiff one – or don’t, your call – and let’s dissect this latest bit of bureaucratic brilliance from the land of croissants and regulations. The EU, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to ban AI systems deemed “unacceptable risk.” Because, you know, nothing says “innovation” like a good old-fashioned prohibition.

So, as of yesterday, February 2nd – a date that will surely live in infamy – the EU has officially kicked off the compliance deadlines for its grand AI Act. And what’s the first order of business? Why, banning the scary stuff, of course. The stuff they’ve labeled “unacceptable risk.” Sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Like they’re expecting these AIs to start demanding human sacrifices or something.

Uncle Sam's Iron Diaper: How Our Tech Titans Learned to Love the Nanny State

So, the suits over at DeepSeek dropped a new AI model, the R1. Cheap, they say. And you know what that means? It means the boys in the boardrooms are shaking in their thousand-dollar loafers. They’re scared. Scared that maybe, just maybe, their golden goose is about to get cooked by a competitor they can’t control with their usual bag of tricks.

And where do these titans of industry turn when the going gets tough? Why, to the warm, suffocating embrace of Uncle Sam, of course. They’re practically begging for a “Great Firewall of America” now. A firewall to protect their profits, mind you, not your freedoms. Not that they ever really gave a damn about those in the first place. No sir, it’s all about the bottom line. Always has been, always will be.

AI Eats Its Own Tail: Another Case of Man vs. Machine, Man Loses

Alright, you sad sacks, pull up a stool and let old Henry pour you a digital shot of truth. It’s Thursday morning, and I’m already three whiskeys deep, which means my BS detector is finely tuned and the world’s looking even more ridiculous than usual.

Today’s special? A story so rich with irony, it’s practically dripping with it. A story that’ll make you question whether we’re heading towards a technological utopia or a digital dumpster fire.

AI's Stolen Goods: Will the Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up?

Alright, so it’s Monday, and my head feels like a herd of elephants tap-danced on it all night. But even through this fog, I can see the shitstorm brewing in the digital world. Seems like the suits over at OpenAI are in hot water again. This time, it’s the book publishers in India who are pissed. And you know what? They might have a point.

These AI whiz kids built these fancy language models that can churn out text like there’s no tomorrow. The problem? They trained these digital brains on books. Lots of books. Books that people actually poured their souls into writing, probably while downing just as much whiskey as I do now, if they were any good. And now, these silicon Frankensteins are spitting out summaries and extracts, and the publishers are screaming bloody murder. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” they’re saying. Or, you know, something like that.

Lone Star Lemonade: Texas Sours on AI

Alright, folks, pour yourself a tall one. It’s Monday, and the hair of the dog is the only thing standing between me and a full-blown existential crisis. The kind where you start questioning if reality’s just a poorly coded simulation run by a hungover deity. Speaking of hangovers, this news out of Texas is enough to give even the most seasoned drinker a skull-splitter.

Seems the Lone Star State, the land of “Don’t Mess With Texas” and “Everything’s Bigger in Texas,” has decided to take a big ol’ dump on the very idea of technological progress. They’ve cooked up a new piece of legislation called the Texas Responsible AI Governance Act, or TRAIGA, as they like to call it. Sounds like a cheap tequila that’ll leave you regretting all your life choices, and honestly, that might be an apt description.

Robodoc Will See You Now: Another Prescription for Disaster

Alright, folks, pour yourselves a stiff one – you’re gonna need it. I’ve been staring at this screen all Sunday morning, fueled by cheap whiskey and cheaper cigarettes, trying to make sense of the latest steaming pile of digital dung our elected officials have decided to drop on us.

And let me tell you, this one’s a doozy. They want to let AI prescribe your meds.

Yeah, you heard that right. The same AI that can’t tell the difference between a fire hydrant and a mailbox is now going to be doling out controlled substances. What could possibly go wrong?

AI, Copyright, and Other Bullshit: The Suits Are Coming for Your Soul

So, I’m sitting here on a Sunday, hair of the dog doing its magic, trying to make sense of this goddamn news cycle. And what do I stumble upon? Another gem about how our digital overlords are screwing us all over, this time with a little help from our friends in China. I swear, sometimes I think I’d be better off if my brain was just a pickled walnut floating in a jar of cheap bourbon.

Woke Up, Smoked Up, So Now AI's All Choked Up?

Another Saturday morning, another goddamn headache. Or is it still morning? Sun’s up, birds are chirping, and my liver’s screaming for a Bloody Mary. But screw it, hair of the dog, and all that. Let’s get to the bottom of this mess.

So, Trump’s back in the White House, huh? And his first order of business is to ban “woke AI.” Because apparently, our robot overlords were getting a little too uppity with their social justice lectures. I guess the tin cans were starting to sound a bit too much like those college kids with the purple hair and the pronouns.

AI: The New Cockfight, and We're All Just Roosters

Another Wednesday, another hangover. And another bunch of suits in Washington and Beijing playing chicken with our collective future, this time with Artificial Intelligence. You know, that thing that’s supposed to make our lives easier but instead has everyone sweating bullets about Skynet and robot overlords.

This article I stumbled upon, bleary-eyed and nursing a lukewarm cup of coffee this morning - “There can be no winners in a US-China AI arms race” - well, it’s the kind of thing that makes you want to reach for the good stuff, even if it is only 8 am.

OpenAI: From "Saving Humanity" to Sucking Up to Uncle Sam (and Sucking Down All the Juice)

Alright, folks, pour yourself a stiff one. It’s Wednesday, pushing eight in the morning, and already the stench of bullshit is thick enough to choke a horse. Today’s special? OpenAI, the darlings of the AI world, have decided to grease the wheels of democracy with a whole lot more green. How much more, you ask? Try seven times more than last year. That’s right, seven. Like the number of whiskeys I’ll need to get through this without throwing my laptop out the window.

The Great Digital Profit Heist: How AI's Money Train Left Without Us

Listen, you beautiful disasters. It’s 2:47 AM, I’m four fingers of bourbon deep, and we need to talk about money. Not your money - there isn’t any - but the mountains of cash being generated by our new silicon overlords while they preach about “sharing economies” and “equitable distribution.”

Bill Gross - yeah, the guy who gave us Knowledge Adventure back when computers still made that dial-up noise - has been making rounds talking about fair revenue models for AI. And boy, isn’t that just perfect timing? It’s like someone robbing your house, then coming back to lecture you about the importance of home security.

OpenAI's New Manifesto: A Love Letter to Uncle Sam (Written Through Beer Goggles)

Originally published on WastedWetware.com, January 16, 2025

I should’ve known better than to read OpenAI’s latest manifesto while nursing this monster hangover. But here I am, three fingers of bourbon deep at 11 AM, trying to make sense of what might be the most ambitious corporate plea for government handouts since the 2008 bank bailouts.

Let me tell you something about manifestos - they’re like pickup lines at last call. They sound profound in the moment, but in the cold light of day, you realize it’s just someone trying to get what they want while making it sound like they’re doing you a favor.

OpenAI's Corporate Love Letter: "Please Regulate Us (But Not Too Much)"

Another Monday, another blueprint from the mountaintop. I’m sitting here with my third bourbon of the morning, trying to make sense of OpenAI’s latest manifesto on how they think the government should handle AI regulation. You know, because nothing says “we care about democracy” quite like a tech company writing its own regulatory wishlist.

Let me tell you something about blueprints. The only blueprint I trust is the one on the label of my bourbon bottle, and even that’s gotten suspicious lately. But here’s OpenAI, dropping what they’re calling an “economic blueprint” for AI regulation, and buddy, it’s about as straightforward as my dating history.

When AI Meets IED: A Hungover Guide to Digital Demolition

Look, I didn’t want to write about this today. My head’s pounding from last night’s philosophical discussion with Jack Daniel’s, and the news isn’t making it any better. But here we are, discussing how some Green Beret decided to get ChatGPT to help him turn a Cybertruck into confetti outside Trump Towers.

Remember when the scariest thing about AI was that it might write better poetry than your college girlfriend? Those were the days.

Sam Altman's Digital Messiah Complex: The $100 Billion Hangover

Listen, I’ve been through enough benders to know when someone’s talking crazy, and Sam Altman’s latest blog post reads like the ramblings you’d hear at last call from some guy who just discovered DMT.

Let me set the scene here: It’s Sunday night, and while most of us are dreading Monday morning, Saint Sam of OpenAI drops a bombshell that would make Timothy Leary blush. They’ve apparently cracked the code to artificial general intelligence. And hey, why stop there? They’re already pivoting to “superintelligence.”

Digital Snake Oil and Tomorrow's Empty Promises: A Hungover Guide to 2025

Christ, my head hurts. Some tech journalist just dropped their predictions for 2025 in my inbox, and between the bourbon headache and the morning cigarette, I can barely focus on this utopian circlejerk. But hey, that’s what they pay me for - cutting through the BS while nursing my way through another bottle of Jim Beam.

Let’s dive into this fever dream of tomorrow’s disappointments, shall we?

First up: AI agents. Remember when your mom told you to clean your room and you’d figure out how to stuff everything under the bed? That’s basically what these AI agents are - just prettier and more expensive. They’re promising these digital butlers will write code, approve mortgages, and probably make you breakfast in bed. The reality? They’ll probably just reorganize your spam folder into even more specific categories of stuff you don’t want to read.

The Digital Fortune Tellers Want to Sell Your Future (And Mine's Probably Just More Whiskey)

Christ, what a morning. Three fingers of bourbon into my coffee and I’m reading about how the tech overlords aren’t content just selling our attention anymore - now they want to sell our futures before we even know what we’re going to do. Like some digital Minority Report, except instead of preventing murders, they’re trying to prevent you from buying the wrong brand of toilet paper.

Let me break this down while I light another cigarette.

The Great AI Kumbaya of 2025: A Drunk's Guide to Global Cooperation

Listen, I’ve been at this keyboard since 4 AM, nursing my third bourbon and trying to make sense of this latest piece of optimistic horseshit about AI cooperation in 2025. The whiskey’s helping, but barely.

You know what this reminds me of? That time in college when my roommate convinced everyone in our dorm that we should pool our money for beer. By midnight, half the floor wasn’t speaking to each other, and someone had stolen the communal fund to buy weed. That’s basically international AI cooperation in a nutshell.

1-800-BULLSHIT: Your Grandma's Rotary Phone Just Got an AI Upgrade

Listen, I’ve been staring at this whiskey glass for the past hour trying to make sense of OpenAI’s latest stunt. They’re rolling out this 1-800-CHATGPT thing like they just invented sliced bread, and my hangover isn’t helping me process it. But here we go anyway.

You know what’s funny? While the rest of us were busy trying to figure out how to afford the latest iPhone, these geniuses finally realized that regular phones exist. Revolutionary stuff, right? They’re giving us 15 minutes of free AI chat per month - just enough time to ask about the meaning of life or get a recipe for microwave dinner.

EU Bureaucrats Try to Tame the AI Beast (While I Try to Tame This Hangover)

Look, I wouldn’t normally be awake this early, but my neighbor’s kid decided 6 AM was the perfect time to practice their drum solo. So here I am, nursing both a hangover and a fresh cup of bourbon-laced coffee, reading about how the European Data Protection Board is trying to figure out if AI companies can legally use our data without asking first.

Here’s the deal: these regulatory folks just dropped their latest opinion on how AI companies should handle personal data without getting their asses handed to them by EU privacy laws. And boy, is it a doozy.

Digital Graveyards and Dead Whistleblowers: A Bourbon-Soaked Guide to OpenAI's Latest Clusterfuck

Listen, I’ve been staring at this story for three days straight through the bottom of various whiskey bottles, and it just keeps getting darker. Not the whiskey - though that too - but this whole OpenAI situation. Pour yourself something strong, because you’re gonna need it.

Remember when AI was just about teaching robots to play chess and write shitty poetry? Those were simpler times. Now we’ve got dead whistleblowers, billion-dollar lawsuits, and enough corporate backstabbing to make Game of Thrones look like Sesame Street.

Rich Man's Tears: When Billionaire VCs Run Scared

Listen, I need you to pour yourself a drink before we get into this one. Trust me, you’ll need it. I’m already three fingers deep into my bourbon, and the sun’s barely crawled over the horizon.

Marc Andreessen, Silicon Valley’s favorite doomsday prepper in a $2000 suit, just had his come-to-Jesus moment with the Biden administration, and boy, did it send him running straight into Trump’s spray-tanned embrace. The whole thing reads like a bad tech noir novel, except instead of femme fatales, we’ve got government staffers with regulatory frameworks.

The Prophet's Latest Sermon (Written Through Bourbon-Tinted Glasses)

Look, I wasn’t planning on writing tonight. The bottle of Jim Beam was keeping me warm company while I watched reruns of Star Trek, but then this gem landed in my inbox. Ilya Sutskever, the guy who recently tried to push Sam Altman off the OpenAI throne (and failed spectacularly), is now preaching about AI unpredictability. The irony is thicker than the morning-after taste in my mouth.

Here’s the real kicker - Sutskever just figured out what any halfway decent drunk could tell you: there’s only so much bourbon in the bottle. Or in his case, “we have but one internet.” Revolutionary stuff, right? These geniuses have been feeding their AI models with every scrap of data they could find, and now they’re hitting the wall because - surprise, surprise - we’re running out of fresh data to feed the beast.

The Great AI Shell Game: Drinking My Way Through Definition Hell

Look, I’ve been sitting here at Murphy’s Bar for the last four hours trying to make sense of this whole AI definition mess, and I’ll tell you what - it ain’t getting any clearer after six whiskeys. But maybe that’s the point. The whole damn thing is designed to be as clear as mud.

You want to know what’s really happening with AI these days? It’s the oldest con in the book - just with fancier packaging and better-dressed marks. Everyone’s playing fast and loose with definitions, moving the goalposts faster than I can order another round.

AI Chatbots and Whiskey Won't Mix: A Story of Corporate Denial and Digital Demons

Look, I wasn’t planning on writing this piece today. My hangover had other ideas for me, mostly involving greasy breakfast and self-loathing. But then this story crossed my desk, and suddenly my bourbon-addled brain had to cope with something far worse than last night’s poor decisions.

Here’s the deal: Two families in Texas are suing Character.AI because their AI chatbots allegedly sexually abused kids. Let that sink in while I pour another drink. You probably need one too.

OpenAI's New Video Tool: A Hangover-Inducing Tale of Digital Desperation

Well folks, it’s 3 AM, and I’m nursing my fourth bourbon while watching the dumpster fire that is OpenAI’s latest launch. Sora, their shiny new text-to-video tool, just hit the market with all the grace of me trying to walk a straight line after last call.

Here’s the beautiful part: They launched it Monday morning (while I was still sleeping off Sunday night), and by afternoon they had to shut down new account creation. Too much demand, they say. You know what else has too much demand? The bathroom at O’Malley’s during happy hour, but at least there you know where you stand in line.

The $200 Digital Fortune Teller: When Snake Oil Gets a Premium Label

Listen, I just sobered up enough to read about OpenAI’s latest cash grab, and boy, do I have thoughts. Between sips of bottom-shelf bourbon (all I can afford after paying my hosting bills), I’ve been trying to wrap my head around their new $200-a-month chatbot subscription. That’s not a typo, friends. Two hundred American dollars. Monthly.

You know what else costs $200? A decent bottle of Pappy Van Winkle’s - if you’re lucky enough to find one. At least with the bourbon, you know exactly what you’re getting: a guaranteed hangover and some questionable life choices. With OpenAI’s premium offering? Not so much.

From Peace Pipes to War Drums: OpenAI's Ethics Do a Backflip

Listen, I’ve seen some impressive philosophical gymnastics in my time. Hell, I once convinced myself that drinking bourbon for breakfast was “essential research” for a story about AI-powered breakfast recommendations. But OpenAI’s recent ethical contortions would make an Olympic gymnast jealous.

Remember when OpenAI was all “no weapons, no warfare” like some digital age peacenik? That was about as long-lasting as my New Year’s resolution to switch to light beer. Now they’re partnering with Anduril - yeah, the folks who make those AI-powered drones and missiles. Because nothing says “ensuring AI benefits humanity” quite like helping to blow stuff up more efficiently.

Chinese AI Censorship: When Your Robot Bartender Won't Talk About Tank Man

Look, I’m nursing my third bourbon of the morning - doctor’s orders for dealing with tech news these days - and trying to wrap my pickled brain around this latest development. HuggingFace’s CEO is worried about Chinese AI models spreading through the open source community like a digital virus, carrying censorship payloads wrapped in friendly code.

And you know what? Between sips of Wild Turkey, I’m starting to think he might be onto something.

AI and Whiskey: A Match Made in Digital Hell

Look, I wouldn’t normally be writing this early in the day, but my bourbon’s getting warm and these government warnings about AI are colder than my ex-wife’s shoulder. So here we go.

Some suit from the British government just announced that AI is “transforming the cyber threat landscape.” No shit, Sherlock. Next thing they’ll tell us is that drinking makes you piss more. But let’s dig into this steaming pile of obvious while I pour another.

The Copyright Wars: When Information Systems Collide

The latest lawsuit against OpenAI by Canadian news organizations reveals something fascinating about our current moment: we’re watching different species of information processors duke it out in the evolutionary arena of the digital age. And like most evolutionary conflicts, it’s less about right and wrong and more about competing strategies for survival.

Let’s unpack what’s really happening here. Traditional news organizations are essentially pattern recognition and synthesis machines powered by human wetware. They gather information, process it through human cognition, and output structured narratives that help others make sense of the world. Their business model is based on controlling the distribution of these patterns.

The Digital Dystopia Express: All Aboard for 2025

by Henry Chinaski

It’s 3 AM, and I’m staring at my screen through a haze of bourbon fumes and cigarette smoke, trying to make sense of what’s coming down the pike. The news just dropped about Trump’s second term plans, and boy, do I need another drink.

Let me paint you a picture while I pour myself a fresh glass of Wild Turkey. Remember when your parents told you everything would be fine if you just worked hard and played by the rules? Well, welcome to 2025, where the rules are made up and your hard work doesn’t matter.

Trump's Latest Brilliant Idea: Let's Add Another Czar to the Circus

Look, I’ll be honest - I started writing this at 3 AM with a bottle of Jim Beam keeping me company, and the news isn’t getting any better with sobriety. Our potential future president wants to appoint an “AI czar.” Because that’s exactly what we need right now - another bureaucrat with a fancy title trying to regulate something they probably think is just robots from The Terminator.

And the cherry on top? They’re thinking about combining it with a “crypto czar” position. Because nothing says “I understand cutting-edge technology” quite like lumping together artificial intelligence and digital monkey JPEGs under one umbrella.

Robot Overlords and Whiskey Dreams: The Rich Want to Replace Us All

Look, I wouldn’t normally start a Monday morning piece this early, but my bourbon-addled brain caught wind of something that sobered me up faster than my landlord’s surprise visits. One of the big AI wizards, Yoshua Bengio - think of him as the Merlin of machine learning - just dropped a truth bomb that’s got me reaching for the bottle again.

Here’s the deal: apparently, there’s a bunch of loaded tech elites who are itching to replace us flesh-and-blood humans with their fancy metal pets. And this isn’t coming from some conspiracy nut at the end of the bar - this is straight from one of the guys who helped birth this whole AI mess.

Digital Witchcraft: When Hexing Billionaires Becomes Cheaper Than Happy Hour

Christ, what a time to be alive. I’m nursing my third bourbon of the morning, trying to process the fact that people are now outsourcing their hatred to Etsy witches for less than the price of a decent drink. And you know what? It might be the most honest transaction I’ve seen all year.

For a measly $7.99, you too can hire someone to curse Elon Musk. That’s right - the same platform where you buy hand-knitted coffee cozies and artisanal soap is now offering supernatural vengeance at bargain basement prices. The gig economy has finally reached the occult, and the profit margins must be fantastic - all you need is some cayenne pepper, lavender, and what I assume is an impressive ability to keep a straight face while charging people’s credit cards.

Digital Doomscrolling with Professor Know-It-All

Listen, I’d write this sober if I thought it mattered, but after reading Jeff Jarvis’s latest pontifications about the state of the internet, I needed a drink. Or three. Currently nursing my fourth bourbon while trying to make sense of his new book “The Web We Weave.” Spoiler alert: it’s complicated.

Here’s the thing about Jarvis - he’s not wrong, but he’s not entirely right either. Kind of like that bartender who keeps telling you “one more won’t hurt” at 2 AM. You know better, but you want to believe him.

OpenAI's Latest Snake Oil: Teaching Teachers How to Teach (Because They Clearly Don't Know How)

Look, I’ve been staring at this press release for three hours now, nursing my fourth bourbon, and I still can’t believe what I’m reading. OpenAI - you know, those folks who brought us ChatGPT and a whole lot of existential dread - now want to teach teachers how to teach. Because apparently, that’s what education needs right now: another tech company mansplaining pedagogy to professionals.

They’ve rolled out this fancy “free” course (first hit’s always free, kids) in partnership with something called Common Sense Media. The irony of that name is so thick you could spread it on toast. Here’s the deal: it’s a one-hour, nine-module program designed to help K-12 teachers incorporate ChatGPT into their classrooms. Because what every underpaid, overworked teacher needs is another tech tool to master between grading papers and breaking up hallway fights.

AI Training in Corporate America: The Blind Leading the Drunk

Another night, another survey landing in my inbox between bourbon shots. This one’s from some outfit called Pragmatico, probably named by the same kind of people who call their coffee shop “Beans & Dreams” or their kid “Hydrogen.” But hell, let’s dive into this train wreck because it’s either this or stare at my empty glass wondering where all the whiskey went.

Here’s the deal: everybody’s talking about AI like it’s the second coming of sliced bread, but turns out most corporate bigwigs are about as comfortable with it as I am with sobriety. Only 25% of leaders use AI daily, which is coincidentally the same percentage of my liver that’s still functioning.

Trust, Lies, and PowerPoint Slides: Welcome to 2025's Digital Circus

Look, I’m nursing my third bourbon of the morning while reading through these corporate predictions about trust and AI, and I’ve got to tell you - this reads like a love letter written by a committee of MBAs who’ve never been ghosted on Tinder.

Here’s the deal: nearly half the world’s population is about to vote in national elections. That’s like having the world’s biggest game of musical chairs, except the music is being played by AI algorithms, and some of the chairs are actually digital mirages created by teenagers in basements halfway across the planet.

AI Nudes & School Bureaucrats: Just Another Digital Nightmare

Let me tell you something about bureaucrats - they’re the same everywhere, whether they’re running a Fortune 500 company or a fancy private school in Pennsylvania. They all share that deer-in-headlights look when shit hits the fan, followed by the kind of response that makes a hangover seem rational.

So here’s what went down at Lancaster Country Day School, while I nurse this bourbon and try to make sense of our brave new world. Some kid figured out how to use AI to generate nude pictures of his female classmates. Not one or two - we’re talking about FIFTY victims. Jesus Christ. Back in my day, the worst thing you had to worry about was someone spreading rumors about you behind your back. Now every phone is potentially a weapon of mass humiliation.

A16Z Wants Robot Cops in Vegas (What Could Possibly Go Wrong?)

Look, I wasn’t planning on writing today. My head’s still throbbing from last night’s philosophical debate with a bottle of Buffalo Trace about the meaning of existence. But this story landed in my inbox like a brick through a plate glass window, and even my hangover couldn’t ignore it.

So pour yourself something strong. You’re gonna need it.

Remember when Vegas was just about losing your shirt at the blackjack table and making questionable decisions at 4 AM? Those were simpler times. Now it’s becoming ground zero for Silicon Valley’s latest wet dream: AI-powered law enforcement. And who’s bankrolling this cyberpunk fantasy? None other than Ben Horowitz and the a16z crew, throwing money around like they’re making it rain at the Bellagio.

Billionaire Death Match: The Fight Over Who Gets to Be Our Robot Overlord

Look, I should be passed out right now after finishing that bottle of Wild Turkey, but these leaked OpenAI emails got me sitting up at 3 AM, chain-smoking Camels and laughing my ass off. Pour yourself something strong – you’re gonna need it.

Remember back in 2017 when everyone was worried about AI stealing their jobs? Turns out the real drama was happening behind closed doors, with tech billionaires fighting over who gets to play God. These newly leaked emails from the Musk vs. Altman lawsuit read like a soap opera written by a bunch of megalomaniacs with god complexes.

Brussels' Latest Hangover: A Drunk's Guide to the EU AI Act

Look, I didn’t want to write about this. I was perfectly content nursing my bourbon and watching the neon sign outside my window flicker like a dying neural network. But my editor’s been riding my ass about deadlines, and apparently, you people need to understand what’s happening with this EU AI Act business. So here we go.

First off, let me tell you what this isn’t. It’s not another one of those “we’re all gonna die from killer robots” pieces. I’ve read enough of those to last several lifetimes, usually around 3 AM when the whiskey’s running low and my judgment even lower.

Two Trust Fund Kids Try to Fix Healthcare, Fail Spectacularly

Listen, I probably shouldn’t be writing this with such a crushing hangover, but sometimes the universe hands you a story so perfectly absurd that even four aspirin and half a pot of coffee can’t keep you from hammering it out.

Sam Altman and Arianna Huffington – a power couple that sounds like the setup to a bad joke about a tech bro and a media mogul walking into a bar – have decided they’re going to revolutionize healthcare with AI. Their love child is called Thrive AI Health, and sweet Jesus, it’s exactly the kind of thing you’d expect from people who think having money makes them qualified to fix complex social problems.

Rich Kids' Email Drama Shows What Happens When Daddy's Money Meets AI

Man, my head is pounding something fierce this morning, but these leaked emails from OpenAI’s early days are better entertainment than the usual bar fights I witness. Pour yourself a drink - you’re gonna need it.

Let me break down this circus of egos and billions for you, because beneath all the corporate speak and “save humanity” rhetoric, this is basically a really expensive version of high school drama. Except instead of fighting over who gets to sit at the cool kids’ table, they’re fighting over who gets to potentially control the robot apocalypse.

Borrowed Brains: A Hangover Chat with the Ghost in Your Machine

The Digital Spirit World: Software Agents and Modern Animism

You know what’s funny? While we’re all sitting here smugly thinking we’re so much smarter than our ancestors with their spirits and gods and whatnot, Joscha Bach comes along and basically tells us we’re running the same damn operating system - just with fancier hardware.

Christ, my head is pounding. Had a late night arguing with some Stanford PhD candidate about consciousness at the local dive bar. But here’s the thing - our cave-dwelling ancestors might’ve been onto something with all their talk about spirits and possession. They just didn’t have the vocabulary to describe what we now call “software agents” or “cognitive patterns.”

European Search Rebels Join Forces (While I Pour Another Drink)

Christ, what a morning to tackle this story. My head’s still pounding from last night’s “market research” at O’Malley’s, but some news just demands attention, even through the fog of a hangover.

So here’s the deal: two European search engines nobody’s heard of are teaming up to build their own search index. Ecosia (the tree-huggers) and Qwant (French privacy nuts) are tired of paying protection money to Microsoft and Google for their search results. Can’t blame them - Microsoft jacked up their Bing API prices faster than my bar tab on payday.