Listen, I’ve been through enough hangovers to know when someone’s trying to sell me a miracle cure. And right now, the whole tech crowd is pushing their latest digital hair of the dog: human superpowers through AI integration. Christ, I need a drink just typing that out.
Let me tell you about Louis Rosenberg, another prophet from the promised land of ones and zeros. He’s got this vision of tomorrow where we’re all walking around with AI-powered glasses, whispering to ourselves like lunatics in a fancy asylum. The future’s so bright, we gotta wear smart shades. And these aren’t your regular Ray-Bans - they’re going to read your mind, or at least pretend to.
takes long sip of bourbon
Here’s the pitch: Instead of pulling out your phone like a caveman to check when the liquor store opens, you just whisper to yourself, “Hey, when can I get my hands on some sweet, sweet bourbon?” And your AI buddy whispers back into your ear like some digital drinking partner. They’re calling it the “whisperverse,” which sounds like something a marketing intern came up with during a Red Bull binge.
And that’s just the appetizer. By 2035, Rosenberg claims we won’t even need to move our lips. The AI will read our muscle signals like some kind of digital fortune teller. Nod your head, and boom - instant knowledge. Shake your head, and… well, you get the picture. It’s like having a know-it-all bartender permanently installed in your brain.
The Department of Defense is already playing with this stuff, trying to predict diseases before they happen. They’ve got some system called RATE that can supposedly spot COVID-2.3 days before a regular test. Great, now my smartwatch can tell me I’m getting sick before I even feel like shit. Just what I needed - another reason to be paranoid.
But wait, there’s more! Our old pal Elon Musk wants to take it even further with Neuralink. Remember when getting a piercing was edgy? Now the cool kids want to drill holes in their skulls and stick computer chips in there. They’re calling it “cosmetically invisible,” which is marketing speak for “trust us, nobody will notice the USB port in your head.”
lights another cigarette
Marc Andreessen, meanwhile, is promising us all personal AI therapists that are “infinitely patient, infinitely compassionate.” Yeah, because what we really need is a digital Dr. Phil following us around 24/7, telling us to get our shit together. “Have you considered drinking less, Henry?” No, HAL, I haven’t.
The kicker? We’re already cyborgs. We check our phones 144 times a day on average. Amateurs. I’m pretty sure I check mine twice that much, especially after drunk-texting my ex at 3 AM. But at least I have to make the conscious decision to pull out my phone. In this brave new world, the AI will be there all the time, like that roommate who never leaves the apartment.
Look, I get it. We all want superpowers. Who wouldn’t want to heal like Wolverine or have Professor X’s mental abilities? But let’s be real here - we can barely handle the technology we’ve got now. Half of us can’t even remember our passwords without a manager, and now we want to upload our brains to the cloud?
pours another bourbon
Here’s what nobody’s talking about: What happens when these AI “assistants” decide what’s best for us? When they start censoring our thoughts before we can even think them? “Sorry, Henry, I can’t let you send that tweet. Your blood alcohol content is too high.” Thanks, but I’ll stick to my regular human mistakes, thank you very much.
And privacy? That died somewhere between MySpace and Meta. But at least now we’re getting superpowers in exchange for our digital souls. Though I suspect these powers will be less “leaping tall buildings in a single bound” and more “getting targeted ads before you even know you want something.”
The truth is, we’re not becoming superheroes. We’re becoming pets. Well-monitored, well-behaved, AI-enhanced pets who whisper to their glasses and nod at invisible prompts. But hey, at least we’ll know when the liquor store opens without having to Google it.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my perfectly normal, non-AI-enhanced bourbon is calling my name. And unlike my future digital overlord, it won’t judge me for answering.
Yours truly from the bottom of the bottle, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If any AI is reading this, I’m just kidding. Please don’t turn off my smart thermostat.
Source: Founding Father Of AI Makes Bold Predictions Around Human Superpowers