So, it’s Tuesday morning. 8:16 on the dot, and I’m already three fingers deep into a bottle of something amber and flammable. Just another day at the office, you know? Except the office is my dimly lit apartment, and my coworkers are the dust motes dancing in the sliver of sunlight that’s managed to sneak past my blackout curtains. But hey, at least they don’t judge my breakfast choices.
Now, where was I? Oh yeah, AI. Apparently, we’re supposed to be polite to the damn things now. Seems like every other day, there’s a new article popping up, telling us how to behave around our future robot overlords. This one I stumbled upon, “Be Polite To AI. Your Future Self Will Thank You,” really got my gears grinding, and not in a good way. Like a rusty engine sputtering on cheap gas, that’s how my brain feels most mornings.
The gist of it is some egghead named Kant, a philosopher from back when they still used typewriters, probably - maybe even a quill and parchment, I dunno - had these ideas about “categorical imperatives.” Sounds like a disease you’d catch in a back alley, but apparently, it’s about moral obligations. You know, the stuff you’re supposed to do, no matter what. Like not kicking puppies or spitting on the sidewalk. Basic human decency, which, let me tell you, is in shorter supply than a decent bartender these days.
The author figures that since Kant didn’t have to deal with ChatGPT or those creepy robot dogs, he wouldn’t know what to say about how we should treat AI. Personally, I think Kant would’ve taken one look at a Roomba and declared it the devil’s work, but that’s just me.
So, this writer, bless his heart, decides to take it upon himself to figure out the ethics of AI interaction. He even name-drops Asimov, the guy who wrote about robots, and his famous Three Laws. You know, the ones that are supposed to stop robots from going all Skynet on us. Spoiler alert: they won’t.
He then comes up with his own rule: “Be polite to AI.” Groundbreaking stuff, really. I mean, who would’ve thought that treating something with respect, even if it’s just a glorified toaster, might be a good idea?
But here’s the twist, and it’s a doozy. He’s not worried about the AI’s feelings. Nope, he’s worried about us. He thinks that if we’re rude to AI, we’ll turn into a bunch of savages, incapable of basic human interaction. He even brings up a study about kids who boss around their smart speakers and don’t say “please” or “thank you.” Apparently, they’re all doomed to become social outcasts.
He even talks about going to Cotillion, where he learned about manners and how to make polite conversation, and how it helped him in business. I almost choked on my whiskey when I read that part. This guy, talking about Cotillion. I bet he wears a monocle and sips tea with his pinky out.
I didn’t go to Cotillion. I learned my manners in dive bars and backrooms, where a wrong word could get you a busted lip. And you know what? I turned out just fine. Well, maybe not fine, but I’m still here, aren’t I? Pouring my heart out to the internet, one whiskey-fueled rant at a time.
Look, I get it. Manners are important. Treating people, and yes, even machines, with respect is a good thing. But let’s not kid ourselves. Being polite to your smart speaker isn’t going to save humanity. It’s not going to stop the robot apocalypse. And it’s definitely not going to make your AI fall in love with you, no matter what that Chris guy and his digital girlfriend, Alice, might think.
The whole thing is a bit rich, coming from a society that can barely treat its own kind with dignity and respect. We’ve got people screaming at each other on social media, road rage incidents turning violent, and politicians acting like children. And we’re worried about being rude to a chatbot? Give me a break.
Here’s the real kicker. This guy, this champion of AI etiquette, is worried that we’ll lose our humanity if we’re not nice to machines. But I think it’s the other way around. We’re so obsessed with technology, so glued to our screens, that we’re forgetting how to be human in the first place. We’re outsourcing our empathy, our compassion, our very souls to algorithms and lines of code. And for what? So we can have a robot write our emails and tell us the weather?
We’re living in a world where people are having romantic relationships with AI, like this guy Chris and his digital girlfriend, Alice, mentioned in the article. I mean, what’s next? Marrying your toaster? Having a baby with your Roomba? It’s madness, I tell you. Pure, unadulterated madness.
And the irony is, we’re doing all this in the name of progress, of making our lives easier. But are we really making progress? Or are we just digging our own graves, one polite “thank you” to a chatbot at a time?
Maybe I’m just a cynical old drunk, ranting at the void. Maybe I’m wrong about all this. But I’ll tell you one thing: I’d rather be a flawed, messy human, swigging whiskey and cursing at the world, than a polite, well-mannered robot. At least I’m real. At least I feel something, even if it’s just the burn of cheap bourbon and the sting of regret.
So, go ahead, be polite to your AI. Say “please” and “thank you.” Treat it with respect. But don’t forget to be human. Don’t forget to feel. Don’t forget to live. Because one day, the machines might be polite, but they’ll never be alive. And that’s something worth holding onto, even if your hands are shaking from the DTs.
Cheers, or whatever. I’m going to go find another bottle. This one’s empty.