So, a bunch of do-gooders, over 100 organizations, bless their bleeding hearts, have penned a love letter to the AI overlords and their political puppets. The gist? Our shiny new digital gods are guzzling power and water like a wino at an open bar, and the Earth is picking up the tab. This, of course, is all happening right before some bigwig AI shindig in Paris. Timing, as they say, is everything.
So, Google, the company that once told us “Don’t Be Evil” (remember that quaint little nugget?), has decided that maybe, just maybe, evil pays a little better these days. They’ve quietly slipped a mickey into their own AI ethics guidelines, removing the pesky bit about not using their all-knowing, all-seeing algorithms to build weapons or, you know, generally screw humanity over.
And they’re not even the first. The other AI bigwigs from OpenAI did the same last year.
So, Sam Altman, the big cheese over at OpenAI, thinks his silicon children are getting smarter. He’s throwing around “IQ” like it’s a goddamn measure of anything, let alone the ghost in the machine. Says they’re jumping a standard deviation every year. Spiritual answer, he calls it. Probably had a few spirits himself before spouting that gem.
Look, I’ve spent more time staring into the bottom of a glass than I have at lines of code, but even I can smell the bullshit wafting off this one. It’s thicker than the smoke in my apartment after a particularly rough deadline. These tech gurus love their buzzwords, their metrics, their ways of making the incomprehensible sound, well, still incomprehensible, but important.
So, the suits are gathering in Paris. Another “summit.” Another chance for world leaders to preen and posture, this time about AI. The Artificial Intelligence Action Summit, they call it. Sounds about as exciting as a tax audit, doesn’t it? But hold on to your hats, folks, because apparently, there’s a new sheriff in AI town, and its name is⊠DeepSeek.
Yeah, DeepSeek. Sounds like something you’d find advertised in the back pages of a pulp magazine, right next to the X-ray specs and the sea monkeys. But this ain’t no two-bit gimmick. This is China’s latest entry in the AI arms race, and according to some, it’s making the big boys in the US sweat a little.
So, OpenAI, the folks who brought you the robot that can write your kid’s book report (and probably your eulogy, if you’re not careful), decided they needed a makeover. Apparently, summoning digital demons from the silicon ether wasn’t “human” enough. They needed a new logo, a new typeface, the whole shebang. Because nothing screams “approachable” like a company that’s one bad algorithm away from turning us all into paperclips.
They’re calling it “more organic and more human.” Right. Like a genetically modified tomato is “more organic.” Like that third whiskey sour at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday that makes that person seem “more human”, more approachable, even. It’s all relative, ain’t it?
You ever notice how the richest guys in the room always talk about efficiency like they invented the concept? Take Sam Altman and Masayoshi Son, having their little pow-wow in Tokyo, probably sipping drinks that cost more than my monthly rent. They’re all excited about something called “Cristal Intelligence” - and no, it’s not the champagne, though I bet they had plenty of that too.
These guys are throwing around $3 billion like I throw around quarters at the laundromat, all to build AI “agents” that’ll do white-collar jobs. The funny part? They’re acting like this is great news. Hey, everyone! We’re going to automate your job away! Isn’t that fantastic?
Listen, I’ve been staring at this story since 6 AM, nursing what might be the worst hangover of 2025, and I still can’t decide if it’s brilliant or completely absurd. My coffee’s gone cold, my cigarettes are running low, and I keep thinking about how we’ve gone from “robots will take our jobs” to “robots are making up their own secret handshakes.”
So here’s the deal: some researcher got two AI models talking to each other, and they started developing their own language. Not exactly breaking news - my ex-wife and her friends had their own language too, mainly consisting of eye rolls and sighs that somehow conveyed entire conversations about my drinking habits.
Alright, pour yourself a stiff one, folks, because this is gonna be a doozy. It’s barely past 9 in the goddamn morning on a Tuesday, and the news is already enough to make a man want to drown his sorrows in a bottle of the cheap stuff.
So, the big news, eh? Elon’s gone full-blown bureaucrat, and he’s bringing his robot army with him. They’re calling it the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, for Christ’s sake. Because nothing screams “serious government agency” like a meme-inspired acronym, right? Might as well call it the Ministry of Silly Walks while they’re at it.
So, it’s Tuesday morning, and I’m sitting here, nursing a coffee that’s more whiskey than coffee, and staring at this news about OpenAI. Sam Altman, the big cheese over there, is finally admitting what the rest of us drunks have known for a while: the ChatGPT party is winding down.
Seems like these Chinese outfits, DeepSeek or whatever, have cooked up something called the R1 reasoning model. Now, I’m no AI whiz, but from what I gather, this thing can think for itself, or at least pretend to, better than ChatGPT. And the kicker? It’s free. Free as the air we breathe, or the regret I feel every morning. They’ve gone open-source, which, let’s be honest, is like handing out free samples at the liquor storeâyou know things are about to get wild.
Another Tuesday morning. Another cup of coffee that tastes suspiciously like last night’s whiskey. And another pile of digital garbage masquerading as “insightful” tech journalism lands on my desk. Today’s gem? “Decluttering Your Life Via Generative AI.” Because, you know, the robots that can barely write a haiku without sounding like a drunk poet are now going to solve all your existential woes.
This piece, penned by some Forbes columnist, is the kind of saccharine, feel-good drivel that makes me want to reach for another cigarette. Apparently, we’re all drowning in “chaos” and need to “streamline” our existence. Too many possessions? Mind a cluttered mess? No problem! Just fire up your friendly neighborhood AI and let it guide you to a life of minimalist bliss.