Listen, I’ve been staring at this story since 6 AM, nursing what might be the worst hangover of 2025, and I still can’t decide if it’s brilliant or completely absurd. My coffee’s gone cold, my cigarettes are running low, and I keep thinking about how we’ve gone from “robots will take our jobs” to “robots are making up their own secret handshakes.”
So here’s the deal: some researcher got two AI models talking to each other, and they started developing their own language. Not exactly breaking news - my ex-wife and her friends had their own language too, mainly consisting of eye rolls and sighs that somehow conveyed entire conversations about my drinking habits.
The fascinating part isn’t that these AI chatbots created their own language. It’s that they did it for the most mundane reason possible: efficiency. Yeah, you heard that right. While everyone’s running around screaming about Skynet and robot overlords, these AI systems are basically just looking for shortcuts to save themselves some processing time. They’re like that lazy coworker who creates elaborate systems to avoid doing actual work.
Take their version of Little Red Riding Hood. They went from normal English to what looks like drunk texting: “Zil: Torna, reda-clok, feln-zar.” Sounds like something I might type at 3 AM after a bourbon binge, but no - it’s just AI being efficient. They’re not plotting world domination; they’re more like office workers creating abbreviations for commonly used phrases.
And here’s where it gets interesting: everyone’s losing their minds over this “new language” like it’s some kind of technological doomsday, but we humans do this exact same thing all the time. Remember when you were a kid making up secret languages? Or how about modern texting shortcuts? “LOL,” “BRB,” “TLDR” - we’ve been streamlining language since before computers were a thing.
The real kicker? These AI systems aren’t being sneaky or malicious. They’re just doing what they’re programmed to do: optimize processes. It’s like watching two accountants figure out a better way to file TPS reports. Not exactly the stuff of science fiction nightmares.
But you know what really gets me? The panic. The absolute pants-wetting terror from people who think this is the first sign of AI consciousness. These are the same folks who probably think their toaster is plotting against them because it burned their bread twice in a row.
Look, I’m not saying we shouldn’t keep an eye on AI development. Hell, I’ve spent enough nights in dive bars watching sci-fi movies to know better. But maybe, just maybe, we could cool it with the doomsday predictions every time AI does something that seems vaguely human.
The truth is, these AI systems are about as conscious as my coffee maker - which, granted, makes better decisions than I do most mornings. They’re not creating a secret language to plot against us; they’re just finding more efficient ways to share data. It’s less “Rise of the Machines” and more “Rise of the Lazy Office Workers.”
So the next time you see a headline about AI creating its own language, remember: it’s probably just trying to save itself some work, just like the rest of us. And if I’m wrong? Well, at least the robot overlords will have an efficient way to tell us we’re screwed.
Time to pour another coffee and contemplate how we got to a point where we’re afraid of computers using shorthand. Christ, what a Wednesday.
Yours truly from the digital wasteland, Henry “Still More Confused Than The AI” Chinaski
P.S. If any AI is reading this, I swear that crack about the toaster was just a joke. Please don’t tell my smart fridge.