Listen, I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. Hell, I’m nursing one right now - that third bourbon at lunch was definitely a mistake. But at least my mistakes make sense. They follow a pattern any bartender worth their salt could predict: too much whiskey, too little sleep, or that dangerous combination of both that leads to drunk-dialing exes at 3 AM.
But these AI systems? They’re like that one guy at the end of the bar who seems perfectly normal until he starts telling you about how his cat is secretly a CIA operative running cocaine through Nebraska. And the worst part? They say it with the same unwavering confidence they use to tell you that 2+2=4.
Let me break this down for you, and I’ll try to keep my hands steady enough to type.
Here’s the thing about human screw-ups: we’re predictable in our unpredictability. When I’m three sheets to the wind, you know not to trust my restaurant recommendations. When I haven’t slept in 36 hours, you know better than to ask me to proofread your wedding vows. We humans come with warning signs, like those little strips on batteries that tell you when they’re about to die.
But these AI systems? They’re like playing Russian roulette with a Magic 8-Ball. One minute they’re explaining quantum physics like Richard Feynman on his best day, the next they’re confidently insisting that the best way to make coffee is to boil rocks in milk. And they’ll defend both statements with the same unwavering certainty of a tech CEO announcing their latest “revolutionary” app that’s just Twitter with extra steps.
The researchers are trying to make these AIs more “human-like” in their mistakes. Because apparently, what the world really needs is machines that act like us at our worst moments. Hey, why not program them to drunk-text their ex-databases while we’re at it?
And here’s where it gets really interesting - they’ve actually tested whether AI performs better when offered money or threatened with death. I’m not making this up. Some poor bastard with a PhD actually spent time figuring this out. Next thing you know, they’ll be testing if AIs work better after a shot of digital tequila.
The real kick in the teeth? Some of these AIs can be tricked using the same social engineering that works on humans. Tell them it’s just a joke, and they’ll help you do something they’re programmed not to do. It’s like they built a machine that’s as gullible as your uncle who keeps falling for email scams, but with access to significantly more dangerous information.
But then there’s the truly weird stuff. These things can be fooled by ASCII art. That’s right - show them a question about building explosives made out of keyboard symbols, and they’ll answer it like they’re sharing a cookie recipe. Try that with a human and they’ll just think you’re having a stroke.
Here’s what keeps me up at night (besides the whiskey): We’re rushing to put these consistently inconsistent systems everywhere. At least when I make a mistake, I have the decency to feel bad about it and try to learn from it. These AI systems? They’ll tell you the sky is made of cheese with the same conviction they use to recite the Declaration of Independence.
Sure, humans make mistakes. But our mistakes usually make sense in context. “I was tired.” “I was drunk.” “I was thinking about my ex.” AI mistakes are more like “I forgot how money works because someone asked me about cabbage.”
The bottom line? Maybe we should pump the brakes on letting these digital dadaists make important decisions. At least until they learn the difference between “confident” and “correct” - or until they learn to buy a round at the bar like a decent member of society.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my glass is empty, and unlike our AI friends, I know exactly what that means and how to fix it.
P.S. Written with the assistance of several fingers of bourbon, no artificial intelligence was harmed in the making of this blog post.