The Robots Are Coming For Your Presidents

Alright, folks, pour yourself a stiff one, light up if you got ’em, and let’s dive into the latest dumpster fire blazing in the land of the free and the home of the algorithm. It’s Wednesday, just past the crack of dawn, and yours truly is already three fingers deep in a bottle of something that definitely wasn’t made by a chatbot. Yet.

So, the news is buzzing, and not in a good way, about Trump’s triumphant return to the White House. Yeah, you heard that right. The man, the myth, the orange legend is back, and he’s signing executive orders faster than a thirsty writer at an open bar. But here’s where it gets interesting, and by interesting, I mean batshit crazy.

Some sharp-eyed legal eagles, probably the kind who still use typewriters and think email is a fad, noticed something fishy about these EOs. Typos, formatting screw-ups, language that sounds like it was churned out by a robot on a bender. You know, the usual signs of quality governance.

These guys, bless their little hearts, are crying foul, screaming “AI!” from the rooftops. They’re pointing fingers at every numbered list that forgets how to count and every paragraph that reads like a fifth-grader’s book report. And the shocker is… they think our dear leader is outsourcing his presidential duties to our silicon overlords.

Now, I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit in my time. I’ve seen programmers try to explain blockchain after six shots of tequila, I’ve seen VCs throw money at ideas that make pet rocks look like the invention of the wheel, and I’ve seen grown men cry over the blue screen of death. But this? This takes the cake, eats it, and then washes it down with a bottle of cheap whiskey.

The idea that the leader of the free world is letting a bunch of algorithms write his orders is, to put it mildly, a tad concerning. It’s like finding out your bartender is watering down your drinks with, well, water. It’s a betrayal of the highest order. It’s un-American. It’s… efficient?

Look, I’m no fan of politicians. They’re mostly empty suits filled with hot air and broken promises. But at least they’re human empty suits. They’re capable of screwing up in a way that’s uniquely, beautifully, human. They’re the living embodiment of Murphy’s Law, with a dash of incompetence and a sprinkle of self-interest.

But robots? They don’t screw up. Not in the same way, at least. They make mistakes. Calculated, cold, unfeeling mistakes. The kind that can launch a thousand nukes because someone forgot to carry the one. And that’s the scary part.

We’re talking about executive orders here. These aren’t grocery lists or love letters (though, imagine the love letter written by a bot… “Dear [Name], your parameters are aesthetically pleasing to my algorithms”). These are documents that can change the course of history, for better or for worse. And the idea that they’re being drafted by something that can’t even understand the concept of a hangover is, frankly, terrifying.

Now, the White House is keeping mum, which is par for the course. They’re probably too busy trying to figure out how to blame this on Hillary, or maybe the Russians. Or maybe they’re just hoping that if they ignore it, it’ll go away. Like a bad dream, or a particularly nasty rash.

But here’s the kicker, folks. Maybe, just maybe, this is a good thing. Maybe outsourcing the presidency to AI is the next logical step in the evolution of democracy. Maybe it’s time to admit that humans are too flawed, too emotional, too easily swayed by shiny objects and empty rhetoric, to be trusted with the fate of nations.

Maybe we need a cold, calculating machine to make the tough decisions. A machine that won’t be swayed by polls or lobbyists or the need to get re-elected. A machine that will look at the data, weigh the options, and make the most rational choice, regardless of the consequences.

Or maybe, and hear me out on this one, maybe we’re all just going insane. Maybe the world has become so absurd, so utterly devoid of logic and reason, that the only way to cope is to embrace the madness. To laugh in the face of the abyss, to dance on the edge of the precipice, to raise a glass to the end of the world as we know it.

Who knows? Maybe I’m just a cynical old drunk with a keyboard and a penchant for doomsaying. Maybe I’m just trying to make sense of a world that doesn’t make sense anymore. Maybe I’m just trying to find a little bit of truth in a world that’s drowning in a sea of bullshit.

Or maybe, I just need another drink.

Cheers, or whatever.

Source: Trump Admin Accused of Using AI to Draft Executive Orders