Before the Robot Overlords, We Get the Robot Nudges, Robot Bosses, and Robot Teachers

My first instinct when I read crap like this is to reach for the bottle, but the damn thing’s usually half empty before breakfast anyway. The ice in my glass, if I had one clean enough to use this Thursday morning, would be tinkling a funeral dirge for common sense. So, some ‘expert’ over at Forbes, probably angling for a keynote speaker gig at a convention full of glassy-eyed optimists, decided to outline how AI is already bending us over, long before it achieves true godhood, or whatever the hell AGI is supposed to be. “Long Before AGI: Three AI Milestones That Will Challenge You,” the headline screams, like a goddamn prophecy from a burning bush made of microchips. Challenge me? Honey, I’m challenged every time I try to find matching socks.

These geniuses, they love their milestones. Makes it sound like we’re all on some grand adventure, scaling mountains of progress. More like we’re being herded through a slaughterhouse chute, but hey, at least there are signposts. Three of ’em, apparently, that are already here, mucking things up before the real smart machines take over and decide humanity was a failed experiment. Let’s light a smoke and see what fresh hell they’ve cooked up for us now.

First on the hit parade: AI Surpasses Human Weakness. Sounds like a goddamn horror movie title, don’t it? Picture it: the robots, they’ve figured out we’re all scared of the dark, addicted to sugar, and can’t resist a flashing light. The article, quoting some suit from “The Center for Humane Technology” (a name so dripping with irony it could rust iron), says AI can “apply patterns of human psychology and human behavior to generate cues that trigger desired outcomes.” Well, blow me down. You mean all those pop-ups, those tailored ads for things I drunkenly searched for at 3 AM, those social media feeds that know exactly what outrage to dangle in front of my nose to keep me scrolling like a lab rat hitting the lever for another pellet – that’s AI doing that? I thought it was just good old-fashioned human greed and manipulation, supercharged by computers.

The article hastens to add that AI doesn’t understand psychology. No, it just “generates inputs that are probabilistically likely to cause humans to react in desired ways.” That’s a relief. It’s not that the machine is a Machiavellian genius; it’s just a really good card counter at the casino of human folly. It knows our tells. It knows we’ll chase the shiny thing, click the button, buy the goddamn shoes. It’s been “well in place,” they say, “in everything from online marketing to social media.” You don’t say. It’s like telling me water is wet or that my landlord is a bloodsucking leech. We’ve been played by smarter, or at least more patient, hustlers than ourselves for centuries. The difference now is the hustler is a tireless, invisible ghost in the machine, and it’s got a dossier on every one of us thicker than a stack of unpaid bar tabs. It’s not surpassing human weakness; it’s just got a better goddamn toolkit for exploiting it. And the “desired outcomes”? Usually getting you to part with your cash or your attention, both of which are in shorter supply than a decent politician. So, yeah, milestone one: the machines are officially better at picking our pockets and playing with our heads than the average con man. Progress. My smoke’s gone out. Time for another.

Next up, the one that’s got everyone wetting their pants: AI Changes The Job Market. Shocking. Absolutely groundbreaking. You mean to tell me that a technology designed to automate tasks might… automate tasks? And that companies, those benevolent institutions dedicated to human flourishing, might choose a cheaper, uncomplaining algorithm over a flesh-and-blood worker who needs things like “lunch breaks” and “a living wage”? Get the fuck outta here. “Companies reporting intentions to restrict their human workforce and drive AI leverage for productivity.” That’s a delicate way of saying they’re lining up to kick a whole lot of people to the curb. Sure, they also mumble about “new jobs emerging,” probably something like “AI Ethicist Scapegoat” or “Prompt Engineer for Misinformation Campaigns.”

The piece sagely notes that “most jobs require specialized skills and knowledge.” True. And now, AI can “mimic these skills, and regurgitate this knowledge in useful forms - such as emails, written reports and answers to questions.” Sounds like it could replace half the damn corporate ladder right there. And frankly, for some of the emails and reports I’ve had to suffer through, an AI couldn’t do much worse. Maybe it’ll free us all up to write poetry and paint masterpieces. Or, more likely, it’ll mean one stressed-out human overseeing twenty AI drones, wondering if they’ll be next when the AI learns to supervise itself. “Productivity,” they call it. Productive for the shareholders, maybe. For the guy who used to write those reports and now has to figure out how to pay his mortgage? Not so much. The article says this is “long before AGI.” That’s cold comfort when your eviction notice is algorithmically generated and printed on recycled paper to show how much the company cares about the environment, if not its former employees. I need another drink just thinking about it. The cheap stuff, of course. Gotta economize now that the robots are taking over the high-paying gigs like… well, whatever it is people do in those glass towers.

And then, the one they say is the real doozy, the one that hits closest to home, or at least to the crumbling schoolhouse: AI Changes Human Education. This is where it gets properly dystopian. “AI has already exceeded many human students in standard tests,” they boast. From high school exams to the goddamn US Medical Licensing Exam. So, the machines are great at cramming and spitting back answers. Wonderful. I knew a guy who could memorize the phone book. Didn’t make him a genius, just made him annoying at parties. Does acing a test mean you understand the human condition? Can you comfort a grieving patient? Can you inspire a kid who thinks they’re too dumb to learn? No? Then what the hell are we celebrating?

“What humans need to learn in the age of AI… needs to be revisited.” You don’t say. Maybe we need to learn how to be critical thinkers, how to be empathetic, how to fix a leaky faucet or tell a good story – things that aren’t on any standardized test I’ve ever heard of. And then, the real kicker: “AI tutors are emerging.” The idea of a machine as a “suitable or even preferred teacher” makes me want to start throwing chairs. Preferred by who? By budget-slashing bureaucrats? By parents who’d rather their kid stare at a screen than engage with a messy, fallible human being? The article actually asks us to “articulate… the value of human engagement in human learning… much more crisply.” Value? It’s everything! It’s the Socratic dialogue, the shared struggle, the mentor who sees something in you that you don’t see in yourself. You can’t code that.

And the punchline, predictable as a bad joke: “learners will be stratified.” The rich kids, naturally, will get the bespoke education, with human teachers guiding them, probably with AI assistants to do the grunt work. The poor kids? They get the AI tutor. Alone. Plugged into the system. Learning what the algorithm deems important. It’s not education; it’s indoctrination by chatbot. We’re not just creating an achievement gap; we’re creating an empathy gap, a humanity gap. And we’re doing it with a smile, patting ourselves on the back for being so innovative. Makes me sick. I think the ash from my cigarette just landed in my drink. Adds flavor, I guess.

So, what about the big, scary AGI – Artificial General Intelligence? The one that’s supposed to be like us, only, you know, better? Our Forbes sage predicts that AGI will just “exacerbate” all these problems. Well, there’s a goddamn revelation. If a slightly clever toaster can already manipulate us, put us out of work, and screw up how we teach our kids, what do you think a really smart machine will do? “Greater ability to bridge domains… complete with humans on much more complex tasks.” It’ll be like bringing a nuke to a knife fight we already lost. Exploiting human weakness will become an art form. Job roles? Maybe “Human Zoo Exhibit” will be a growth sector. And education? We’ll be lucky if AGI decides we’re worth teaching at all, instead of just putting us in a comfortable, climate-controlled terrarium. The “General” in AGI will probably stand for “Generally Screwed.”

Finally, the million-dollar question: What Should You Do? The advice from on high? “Surf the wave.” Fucking brilliant. Like telling a guy tied to the train tracks to enjoy the scenic view before the locomotive turns him into raspberry jam. “Surf the wave.” Most of us are just trying not to drown, pal. We’re doggy-paddling in a sea of bullshit, and the waves are getting bigger. “Adapt to new developments as they occur.” No choice there, is there? Adapt or get ground under the wheels of progress. “Build AI skills as they are relevant to your professional role.” My professional role is mostly complaining and avoiding actual work. Not sure there’s an AI for that yet, though I’m sure they’re trying. Maybe I can learn to prompt an AI to write my cynical blog posts. Then I could just drink full-time. There’s a thought.

“Stay aware of new AI developments… adapting your skills as AI evolves.” It’s like an arms race, only we’re armed with squirt guns and they’ve got laser cannons. My most adaptable skill is finding the cheapest whiskey that won’t blind me. That, and a healthy distrust of anyone who uses the word “synergy” without irony. I reckon those skills will remain timeless.

Look, this whole AI thing… it’s like a runaway train built by geniuses who forgot to install brakes, driven by accountants looking to save a buck, and cheered on by a bunch of wide-eyed dreamers who think it’s taking us to Utopia. Maybe it is. Or maybe Utopia looks a lot like a clean, efficient, and utterly soulless automated factory where the only humans left are the ones who sweep the floors, if the robots haven’t learned to do that yet too.

It’s just another Thursday. The headlines scream, the prophets of doom and the prophets of boom shout each other down, and the rest of us are just trying to get through the day. This AI, these milestones… they’re not happening in a vacuum. They’re happening in a world that’s already pretty good at being unfair, unkind, and just plain stupid. The machines are just learning from their creators. And that, my friends, is the scariest thought of all.

Time to close up shop. The digital ghosts are whispering, and my glass is empty again. Or maybe it’s just the tinnitus. Whatever it is, it’s telling me the only intelligence worth a damn is the one that knows when to call it a night.

Keep your heads down, and don’t believe the hype. Chinaski. Out.

Source: Long Before AGI: Three AI Milestones That Will Challenge You