Listen, I just caught my neighbor’s kid using ChatGPT to write a poem about the futility of existence. Kid’s thirteen. When I was thirteen, the deepest thing I wrote was my name in the snow, if you catch my drift. Times change, I guess. Here I am, three fingers of bourbon in, trying to make sense of this brave new world where machines write our homework.
According to some fresh numbers from Pew Research (which I’m reading through whiskey-blurred vision), about 26% of teens are now using ChatGPT for their schoolwork. That’s doubled since their last count, which reminds me - I should probably double this drink.
The real kicker? Over half these kids think it’s perfectly fine to use AI for “research.” Twenty-nine percent are cool with using it for math, and 18% think it’s kosher for writing essays. Back in my day, we had the decency to copy straight from the encyclopedia like honest degenerates. At least we knew we were cheating.
But here’s where it gets interesting, and by interesting, I mean the kind of interesting that makes me reach for the bottle: ChatGPT is about as good at math as I am after happy hour. And trust me, that’s not a compliment. Some fancy study showed that when it comes to doctorate-level history questions, this supposedly brilliant AI barely outperforms random guessing. Hell, my local bar’s trivia night regular, Dave - who thinks the Cold War was fought in Antarctica - could probably do better.
And you want to hear something that’ll really make your head spin? The kids who need help the most are the ones getting served the shortest end of this digital stick. Black and Hispanic students are using ChatGPT more than their white peers. Reminds me of that time… well, never mind. Let’s just say we’ve seen this movie before, and it usually ends with somebody getting screwed over while some exec buys another yacht.
I tried using ChatGPT myself last week to write some technical documentation. The results were about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. But at least I knew it was garbage - these kids are taking this stuff as gospel. It’s like watching someone trust gas station sushi. You know it’s going to end badly, but you can’t look away.
The teachers aren’t buying it either. Only 18% of them are using AI in their classrooms. The rest probably remember what happened when we tried to fix education with iPads. Remember that clusterfuck? Pepperidge Farm remembers, and so does my liver.
Here’s what keeps me up at night (besides the usual demons): we’re teaching kids to rely on a tool that’s essentially a magic 8-ball with a better vocabulary. They’re learning to bullshit better than ever, but they’re not learning to think. It’s like we’re raising a generation of kids who can recite Shakespeare but don’t know what any of it means.
ChatGPT is like that bottom-shelf whiskey you buy at 1:55 AM - seems like a great idea at the time, but you’re going to regret it in the morning. And the morning is coming, folks. When these kids hit the real world, they’re going to find out that AI can’t help them understand why their boss is an idiot or how to navigate their first heartbreak.
A quarter of teachers think AI does more harm than good in education. The other three-quarters were probably too busy actually teaching to answer the survey. Or maybe they were doing what I’m doing right now - staring into the void and wondering where it all went wrong.
Look, I’m not saying we should ban AI from schools. That ship has sailed, hit an iceberg, and is currently playing “Nearer, My God, to Thee” as it sinks into the digital ocean. But maybe - just maybe - we could teach kids that AI is like a drunk friend: entertaining, occasionally helpful, but not someone you want making your important decisions.
Time for another drink. And remember, kids: if you’re going to use ChatGPT to write your homework, at least have the decency to add some spelling mistakes. Makes it more believable.
Signing off to contemplate the future of education, or whatever’s left in this bottle.
P.S. If any of my readers are teachers, I apologize. But you know I’m right. And if any of my readers are students using ChatGPT to read this blog post to them, well… touché, you little bastards.
Source: More teens report using ChatGPT for schoolwork, despite the tech’s faults | TechCrunch