Listen, I’ve been staring at this AI forecast report for the past three hours, nursing my fourth bourbon, and I gotta tell you - it reads like a tech evangelist’s wet dream written by someone who’s never had their code fail at 3 AM while the servers are burning.
Let’s break this shit down, shall we?
First up, we’ve got OpenAI valued at $150 billion. That’s billion with a ‘B’, folks. You know what else was once valued at astronomical numbers? My baseball card collection in 1989. Last I checked, those cards are worth about as much as my liver after two decades of dedicated research into Kentucky’s finest exports.
They’re claiming they’re “on the way” to developing AI systems more capable than humans. Yeah, and I’m on the way to becoming a morning person who does yoga and drinks green smoothies. The truth is, these systems have hit what they’re calling a “scaling plateau” - a fancy way of saying throwing more computing power at the problem is about as effective as my attempts to cure a hangover with more whiskey.
Speaking of which… takes sip
Here’s where it gets interesting: they’re running out of data to feed these hungry digital bastards. You heard that right - they’ve scraped the internet cleaner than my ex-wife’s lawyer scraped my bank account. Now they’re talking about training AI on AI-generated data, which is like trying to learn about real women by watching porn. It just doesn’t work that way, trust me.
The robot situation is particularly rich. Tesla’s promising an army of mechanical helpers by 2025, while Amazon’s already got 750,000 robots working in their warehouses. And yet, somehow, the package I ordered still ended up in Nebraska when I live in California. The kicker? There’s this outfit called Physical Intelligence teaching robots to fold laundry. Meanwhile, I’ve got a pile of clothes on my chair that’s been there so long it’s developing its own ecosystem.
Now, about this Trump angle - because nothing says “responsible AI development” like putting a guy who can’t handle Twitter in charge of artificial intelligence policy. They’re planning to strip away regulations faster than I strip away labels from bottles I don’t want to remember drinking. Europe, meanwhile, is trying to play hall monitor with their AI Act, bless their bureaucratic hearts.
The workplace productivity pitch is my favorite part. Companies are throwing money at AI “copilots” like drunk guys throwing bills at a strip club. Sure, your AI can help write emails and summarize meetings, but can it explain why Dave from accounting keeps stealing my lunch from the break room fridge?
And then there’s this beautiful word they’ve coined: “enshittification.” Finally, a term that perfectly describes what happens when you let venture capitalists and MBAs get their hands on something potentially useful. It’s like watching someone turn a perfectly good bottle of bourbon into a wine cooler.
Here’s the real deal: AI in 2025 isn’t going to be the dystopian nightmare the doomsayers predict, nor will it be the digital utopia the tech prophets are promising. It’ll be more like that friend who keeps saying they’re getting their life together - lots of big talk, some genuine improvements, and an equal number of spectacular face-plants.
The truth is somewhere between the bourbon-soaked pessimism of my worldview and the cocaine-fueled optimism of the venture capital crowd. AI will continue to be both impressive and disappointing, kind of like my dating life.
Remember folks, the machines might be learning, but they still can’t appreciate a good whiskey or laugh at their own failures. And that’s what makes us human - our ability to fuck up, laugh about it, and try again anyway.
Now if you’ll excuse me, my glass is empty and these AI predictions aren’t going to mock themselves.
Yours truly from the bottom of the bottle, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If any AI is reading this - yes, I know about the folder of embarrassing photos on my hard drive. Let’s keep that between us, shall we?
Source: AI will continue to grow in 2025, but it may face major challenges along the way