Well folks, here we are again. January 4th, 2025, and my head feels like it’s being crushed in a vice while some tech journalist is telling us that AI can now solve our drinking problems. Pass the aspirin.
Let me tell you something about sobriety apps - they’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine when you’re staring down that bottle of Jack at 2 AM. But apparently, the latest thing is getting life advice from the same technology that keeps trying to convince me that hot dogs are sandwiches.
The pitch is simple: Instead of calling your sponsor or hitting an AA meeting, you’re supposed to pour your heart out to ChatGPT. Because nothing says “I’m serious about sobriety” like confessing your deepest struggles to the same algorithm that writes teenager’s homework.
Here’s the thing though - and I hate admitting this - there might actually be something here. Not because AI is particularly brilliant, but because it’s available at 3 AM when you’re white-knuckling it through a craving and everyone else is asleep. Trust me, I know that hour well. It’s when the liquor store’s neon sign looks like a lighthouse in a storm.
The article goes on about “sober curiosity” like it’s some kind of trendy diet. Let me translate that for you: it means “wondering what it’s like to wake up without feeling like your tongue has been replaced by sandpaper.” I’ve been sober-curious myself a few times, usually around the morning after I’ve tried to drink Kentucky dry.
But here’s where it gets genuinely concerning: They’re marketing this AI sobriety coach to everyone, including heavy drinkers. That’s like telling someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. Going cold turkey can kill you - and I’m not being dramatic here. DTs are no joke, and an AI chatbot isn’t going to hold your hand through seizures.
The real kick in the teeth? These AI systems are being trained on our collective drinking experiences. Somewhere in ChatGPT’s digital brain are probably traces of every drunk text and beer-soaked tweet we’ve ever posted. It’s like having a sponsor who learned about alcoholism by reading bathroom wall graffiti.
They say you should drink non-alcoholic beverages instead of booze. Great advice, Einstein. Next you’ll tell me to breathe air when I’m suffocating. But the AI will cheerfully suggest elaborate mock-cocktail recipes like some digital bartender who’s never had to clean up someone else’s vomit.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m not against technology helping people get sober. Hell, I’m not against anything that helps people get their shit together. But there’s something deeply twisted about outsourcing our human struggles to algorithms. Recovery isn’t just about not drinking - it’s about facing yourself, your mess, your humanity. Can an AI really understand what it means to wake up in a stranger’s bathtub wearing someone else’s pants?
The article mentions AI “hallucinations” - times when the bot just makes stuff up. Fantastic. Because what every recovering alcoholic needs is unreliable advice from a digital pathological liar. “Try this ancient Mesopotamian breathing technique I just invented!”
Look, if you’re trying to get sober, by all means, use every tool at your disposal. AI, apps, rubber bands to snap against your wrist - whatever works. But remember that sobriety is a human journey. No amount of algorithmic hand-holding can replace the understanding nod of someone who’s been there, done that, and lost the t-shirt somewhere during a blackout.
As for me? I’m going to keep this blog post honest - I’m nursing a hangover while writing this. But maybe next January, I’ll give that AI sponsor a shot. Right after I teach my coffee maker to be my therapist.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go convince my automated smart home that no, I don’t need it to order more bourbon just because I’m running low.
Stay real, you beautiful disasters.
-Chinaski
P.S. If you’re seriously thinking about quitting drinking, talk to a real doctor first. An AI might be able to write poetry, but it can’t catch you when you fall.
Source: Accomplishing Your Dry January Non-Alcohol Ambitions Via Aid Of Generative AI And LLMs