Another startup just raised $150 million to revolutionize healthcare with AI, which I’m reading about while nursing my third bourbon of the morning. The company’s called Cera - like the waxy stuff that builds up in your ears, I guess - and they’re promising to predict when your grandmother’s going to face-plant into her knitting basket.
Let me take another sip before I dig into this mess.
Here’s the deal: the UK’s healthcare system is about as functional as I am after a three-day bender. The NHS is basically being held together with duct tape and good intentions at this point. So naturally, here come the tech wizards, waving their AI wands and promising digital salvation.
Cera’s big pitch? They’ve got an app that helps their 10,000 caregivers track grandma’s bowel movements and predict when she might take a tumble. They claim they can predict 80% of falls a week before they happen. Which sounds impressive until you realize that’s basically the same success rate I have predicting my hangover severity based on how many empty bottles are on my desk.
The company just snagged $150 million, mostly in debt, which is about as reassuring as when your buddy says “I’m good to drive” at 3 AM. This is on top of the $320 million they raised in 2022. That’s a lot of money to basically build a fancy note-taking app with some machine learning sprinkled on top like artificial sweetener in a bad cup of coffee.
They’re using both Google’s Gemini AI and Microsoft’s ChatGPT, which is like ordering both Jack and Jim at last call - sounds impressive, probably unnecessary, definitely expensive.
But here’s what’s actually interesting, and pour yourself a drink for this one: They might be onto something, even if it’s by accident. The company claims they’re reducing hospitalizations by 70% and speeding up hospital discharges five times faster. An independent analysis says they’re saving the UK healthcare system £1 million per day.
The funny part? They’re desperate to distance themselves from Babylon Health, another UK healthcare startup that went belly-up after trying to replace doctors with chatbots. Babylon’s failure was about as surprising as finding me at O’Malley’s at midnight - everyone saw it coming except the investors.
What makes Cera different is they’re not trying to replace humans with robots. They’ve got 10,000 actual flesh-and-blood caregivers doing the real work. The AI is just there to help spot patterns, like how I can spot a bad drunk from across the bar after twenty years of professional research.
They’re working with 150 local governments and two-thirds of NHS systems, which means they’re actually getting their hands dirty in the real world, not just pushing pixels around in a fancy office somewhere.
But here’s what keeps me up at night (besides the usual suspects): We’re watching healthcare get privatized in real-time, one algorithm at a time. Sure, Cera might be doing good work, but they’re part of a bigger trend that’s about as comfortable as detox.
The company says they’re finally cash-flow positive, which is more than I can say for my bar tab. But they’re still taking on debt like I take on whiskey - enthusiastically and probably more than is strictly necessary.
Look, I’m not saying AI can’t help healthcare. But let’s be honest about what we’re doing here. We’re not “revolutionizing” anything. We’re just trying to patch holes in a sinking ship with whatever digital duct tape we can find.
The real heroes are still the 10,000 caregivers wiping asses, changing sheets, and dealing with the messy reality of human decay. The AI is just keeping score and making educated guesses, like a bookie with a statistics degree.
And maybe that’s okay. Maybe we need both - the human touch and the digital oversight. Like how I need both coffee and bourbon to write these articles.
Time to wrap this up. My glass is empty and the liquor store closes in twenty minutes. Remember folks, AI might be able to predict when grandma’s going to fall, but it still can’t catch her when she does.
Stay human, stay drunk, stay wary.
P.S. I just checked my bank account. Anyone want to invest in an AI that predicts bar tab totals? I’ve got some proprietary algorithms you might be interested in…
Source: UK in-home healthcare provider Cera raises $150M to expand its AI platform | TechCrunch