Look, I probably shouldn’t be writing this with last night’s bourbon still tap-dancing in my skull, but when I saw Mira Murati’s latest pronouncements about AGI, I knew I had to fire up this ancient laptop and share my thoughts. Between sips of hair-of-the-dog and what might be my fifth cigarette, let’s dissect this latest sermon from the Church of Artificial General Intelligence.
First off, Murati – fresh from her exodus at OpenAI – is telling us AGI is “quite achievable.” Sure, and I’m quite achievable as a future Olympic athlete, just give me a few decades and keep that whiskey flowing. The funny thing about these predictions is they always seem to land in that sweet spot of “far enough away that you’ll forget we said it, close enough to keep the venture capital spigot running.”
Speaking of money (because isn’t it always about money?), word on the street is she’s about to rake in $100 million in VC funding for her new startup. Nothing says “personal exploration” quite like a nine-figure check, am I right? I’ve done some personal exploration myself, but it usually involves a bar stool and questionable life choices that cost significantly less.
Here’s what really gets me: Murati’s got the perfect tech pedigree. Tesla? Check. OpenAI executive? Check. Vague statements about technology not being “intrinsically good or bad”? Double check. It’s like they’re all reading from the same playbook, probably printed on recycled hemp paper and blessed by a zen master in Palo Alto.
But let’s talk about what’s really going on here. These AGI predictions are starting to sound like my dating life – full of promise, perpetually “just around the corner,” and ultimately disappointing. The tech world’s been promising AGI since I was drinking cheap beer in college (now I drink expensive bourbon, which counts as personal growth).
The real kicker in all this? Murati’s talking about synthetic data like it’s some kind of digital messiah. Listen, I’ve seen enough synthetic things in my life – from sweeteners to relationships – to know that artificial isn’t always better. These models they’re building are basically sophisticated pattern matching machines with a drinking problem worse than mine. At least I know when I’m hallucinating.
And can we talk about this “collective steering” business? The idea that society will somehow come together to guide AI development is about as realistic as my plans to quit smoking. Have you seen how we handle social media? We can’t even collectively agree on pizza toppings, let alone guide the development of superintelligent machines.
The truth – and I’m speaking as someone who’s spent enough time both in code and in bars to know better – is that we’re all caught up in this weird tech religion where AGI is the promised land, venture capital is the collection plate, and former executives are the high priests spreading the gospel.
Look, I’m not saying Murati’s wrong. Hell, maybe AGI is possible. Maybe in a few decades, I’ll be sharing my bourbon with a robot that can truly understand why I drink it. But right now, all I’m seeing is another round of the same old dance: executive leaves big tech company, makes grand predictions, collects massive funding, rinse, repeat.
The real problem isn’t whether AGI is possible – it’s that we’re so busy chasing this digital holy grail that we’re missing the point. We’ve got AI that can write poetry but can’t tell when it’s making stuff up, chatbots that can code but can’t understand why they’re coding, and investors throwing money at anything that promises to be “AGI-adjacent.”
Meanwhile, I’m sitting here, nursing my hangover, watching the circus parade go by, and thinking maybe – just maybe – we should be less concerned about artificial general intelligence and more worried about preserving what’s left of our natural intelligence.
But what do I know? I’m just a tech writer who thinks the best neural networks are still the ones we short-circuit with good bourbon.
Time for another drink. These AGI prophecies go down better with whiskey.
Stay human, Henry
P.S. If any VCs are reading this, I’ve got a great idea for an AI-powered hangover cure. Only $50 million in seed funding needed. Operators are standing by.
Source: Mira Murati Quit OpenAI. She’s as Optimistic as Ever About AGI