You ever notice how everything “free” comes with strings attached? Like that time my neighbor offered me a “free” couch, but I had to help him move his entire apartment, feed his cat for a month, and somehow ended up inheriting his ex-wife’s ceramic frog collection.
Now OpenAI’s throwing their search feature over the paywall like yesterday’s bar peanuts. “Here, have some AI, it’s on the house!” Yeah, and I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn perfect for your morning commute.
Remember those fortune-telling machines at the pier? The ones with the creepy mechanical gypsy behind glass, charging you a quarter to spit out some vague prophecy about meeting a mysterious stranger? ChatGPT is basically that, except instead of a quarter, it’s harvesting your digital soul one query at a time.
I tried it last night, somewhere between my third bourbon and that moment when the ceiling fan started looking philosophical. Asked it where I could find the best pizza in town. It gave me a list, complete with ratings, prices, and hours. Impressive, until I realized half these places went under during COVID. The other half? Never existed. But damn if it wasn’t confident about those hallucinated hole-in-the-walls.
Google’s not much better these days. Searching for anything is like walking through Times Square in a blindfold – ads everywhere, sponsored content screaming at you, and somehow you end up buying knockoff sunglasses you didn’t want. At least ChatGPT’s lies come with a veneer of personality.
They’re talking about voice interface now. Great. Because what I really need at 3 AM is to have an existential conversation with an AI about why my code won’t compile. “I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t tell you why your semicolons are missing. Would you like to hear about the weather instead?”
You know what’s really keeping me up at night? Not the whiskey, though that’s not helping. It’s how we’re all slowly turning into what we’re creating. Humans getting more mechanical, machines getting more human. Last week I caught myself saying “processing” when my bartender asked how I was doing. She thought I was making a joke. I wasn’t.
Kevin Weil, their chief product whatever, says he “can’t imagine ChatGPT without search now.” I can’t imagine my life without coffee and regret, but here we are, evolving whether we like it or not.
Look, maybe I’m just an old cynical bastard typing away in the dark, but here’s the truth: everything’s going to change, and nothing’s going to change. We’ll still be searching for answers, just in different bottles. Some digital, some glass, all equally empty and promising at the same time.
But hey, at least the AI hallucinations are free now. Unlike the ones I usually pay for on Saturday nights.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to ask ChatGPT where I left my dignity. Last seen somewhere between “it’s only one more drink” and “sure, I’ll try coding in COBOL.”
Source: ChatGPT Search Now Free For All. Here’s Why You Should Try It