Listen, I’ve seen some impressive philosophical gymnastics in my time. Hell, I once convinced myself that drinking bourbon for breakfast was “essential research” for a story about AI-powered breakfast recommendations. But OpenAI’s recent ethical contortions would make an Olympic gymnast jealous.
Remember when OpenAI was all “no weapons, no warfare” like some digital age peacenik? That was about as long-lasting as my New Year’s resolution to switch to light beer. Now they’re partnering with Anduril - yeah, the folks who make those AI-powered drones and missiles. Because nothing says “ensuring AI benefits humanity” quite like helping to blow stuff up more efficiently.
The company’s doing this fancy two-step where they insist it’s just for “defensive purposes.” Right. And I only keep whiskey in my desk drawer for medicinal purposes. They’re claiming this partnership will help “rapidly synthesize time-sensitive data” and “improve situational awareness” for taking down enemy drones. That’s corporate speak for “we’re helping build better killing machines, but make it sound nice.”
Let’s break down this ethical evolution, shall we? takes long sip from coffee mug that definitely isn’t filled with Jack Daniel’s
January: “No military stuff, period.” February: “Well, maybe a little military stuff, but only the nice parts.” October: “Actually, national security is kind of our thing now.” December: “Meet our new friends who make missile systems!”
The speed of this pivot would give anyone whiplash. But here’s what really gets me - the money. Venture capital dumped $40 billion into defense tech in 2021. That’s enough zeros to make even my bar tab look reasonable.
You want to know the real kicker? They’re wrapping this whole thing in the flag of democracy. According to OpenAI, if helping militaries means “democratic countries dominate the AI race,” then it’s actually fulfilling their mission of sharing AI’s benefits. By that logic, my morning hangover is actually helping me appreciate sobriety.
The timing’s interesting too. While tech workers were staging walkouts over military contracts a few years back, Russia decided to invade Ukraine. Suddenly, working on defense tech didn’t seem so bad. Nothing like a clear-cut bad guy to help you sleep at night while coding targeting systems.
Let’s be honest here - this was never about ethics. It was about money, power, and the inevitable gravitational pull of the military-industrial complex. These companies can dress it up in whatever PR-friendly language they want, but at the end of the day, they’re following the same old playbook: chase the dollars, figure out the morality later.
And you know what’s really rich? They’re still maintaining this won’t be used to “harm others.” Because apparently, in their world, missile defense systems are just really expensive party favors. It’s like claiming you’re not actually drinking when you’re just holding the glass for a friend.
Look, I’m not saying AI in defense is inherently evil. But let’s drop the pretense. This is about market share and military contracts, not making the world a safer place. OpenAI went from “we must protect humanity from harmful AI” to “we must protect military bases with AI” faster than I can empty a bottle of Wild Turkey.
The real question isn’t whether AI will be used in warfare - that ship has sailed, hit an AI-guided missile, and sunk to the bottom of the ethical ocean. The question is whether we’re going to be honest about it. Because right now, we’re watching tech companies perform mental gymnastics that would make Simone Biles dizzy.
In the meantime, I’ll be here, watching this slow-motion train wreck while nursing my bourbon. At least I’m honest about my vices.
Time to wrap this up. My glass is empty and my cynicism tank is running low. Stay tuned for next week’s piece on why teaching AI to write poetry was actually military research in disguise.
Signing off from my bunker, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If any defense contractors are reading this, my consulting rates are very reasonable. I accept payment in cash or single-malt scotch.
Source: OpenAI’s new defense contract completes its military pivot