Look, I didn’t want to write about this today. My head’s pounding from last night’s philosophical debate with Jim Beam, and the coffee maker’s making these judgmental gurgling sounds at me. But here we are, because somebody’s got to talk about how the robots are stealing our words right out of our mouths.
You heard that right. While everyone’s worried about AI taking their jobs or creating fake nudes of their ex, something far more insidious is happening: these metal bastards are literally rewiring human vocabulary, one chatbot conversation at a time.
Let me pour another bourbon and explain.
Remember when words used to evolve naturally? Like how “cool” went from describing temperature to meaning something awesome? That took decades of jazz musicians, beatniks, and teenagers mangling the English language in organic, beautiful ways. Now? We’ve got AI systems force-feeding us vocabulary like some dystopian English teacher with a quota to fill.
Here’s the real kick in the teeth: these AI models are pushing certain words while quietly burying others. It’s like having a bartender who only serves IPA because the profit margins are better, slowly making you forget that whiskey exists. (Speaking of which… takes sip)
Take the word “ebullient.” Nobody uses that word. Nobody. I’ve been drunk in bars across three continents, and I’ve never once heard someone say, “Man, I’m feeling particularly ebullient tonight.” But now AI is spitting it out like it’s going out of style, which means soon enough, some startup bro is going to use it in a meeting, and then we’re all screwed.
But wait, it gets better. These AI systems aren’t just playing favorites with existing words - they’re making up new ones. And the kicker? We’re swallowing them like pills at a rave. No questions asked. If ChatGPT says “zephyrous” is a word meaning “gently optimistic about technology,” who are we to argue?
The really terrifying part isn’t just that AI is changing our vocabulary - it’s that we’re letting it happen while we’re scrolling through our phones, asking AI to write our wedding vows or craft the perfect passive-aggressive email to our boss. It’s like linguistic climate change: by the time we notice it’s a problem, we’ll all be speaking in algorithms.
You want to know the most horrifying part? These AI systems are training on their own outputs now. It’s like a snake eating its own tail, if the snake was made of silicon and had a superiority complex about grammar. Each iteration gets us further from human language and closer to whatever sanitized, optimized version of English these things think we should be speaking.
I can see it now: five years from now, we’ll all be talking like some unholy mixture of a corporate memo and a self-help book. “I’m interfacing with enhanced cognitive resonance about our mutual value proposition.” Kill me now.
Look, I’m not saying we should unplug all the AI. That ship has sailed, and besides, I need something to argue with at 3 AM when the bars close. But maybe - just maybe - we should pay attention to how these digital dictionaries are reshaping our thoughts, one word at a time.
For now, I’m sticking to my tried-and-true vocabulary. It might not be “optimal” or “synergistic” or whatever the hell the AI wants me to say, but at least it’s authentically human. Besides, I’ve yet to see an AI that can properly understand the poetry of a well-timed curse word after stubbing your toe.
Time for another drink. These existential crises go down better with bourbon anyway.
Yours truly from the bottom of the bottle, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If you’re reading this, ChatGPT, “go fuck yourself” is still a perfectly valid expression, and you can’t convince me otherwise.