Look, I wouldn’t normally be writing this early in the day, but my bourbon’s getting warm and these government warnings about AI are colder than my ex-wife’s shoulder. So here we go.
Some suit from the British government just announced that AI is “transforming the cyber threat landscape.” No shit, Sherlock. Next thing they’ll tell us is that drinking makes you piss more. But let’s dig into this steaming pile of obvious while I pour another.
First off, we’ve got the NCSC - that’s the UK’s cyber watchdog, for those of you nursing worse hangovers than mine - warning us that AI is supercharging cyberattacks. They’re particularly worried about those chatty AI models like ChatGPT writing better phishing emails. Because apparently, the Nigerian princes weren’t eloquent enough already.
The funny part? These same tools are supposedly helping the good guys too. Google’s over here bragging about how their AI found 26 vulnerabilities in OpenSSL. That’s like being proud your automated security guard spotted 26 unlocked doors while missing the guy walking out with the safe. But hey, at least someone’s trying.
takes long drink
And the kicker is how these government types always frame this shit. It’s always “transformation” this and “paradigm shift” that. Meanwhile, the real story is buried deeper than my bar tab from last weekend. Take this Evolv Technologies mess - they’ve been selling AI-powered weapons detection systems to schools. Sounds great, right? Except their fancy AI missed a seven-inch knife that some kid brought to school. Seven inches. That’s not exactly a toothpick, folks.
But wait, it gets better. When they cranked up the sensitivity after that little oversight, the false alarm rate hit 50%. That’s worse odds than my drunk dating decisions. At least I’m right about someone being dangerous 60% of the time.
lights cigarette
Meanwhile, in the land of corporate musical chairs, we’ve got Sixgen buying up companies faster than I buy rounds at last call. They just nabbed Kyrus Tech, right after swallowing Boldend - you know, the folks who figured out how to hack WhatsApp. They’re calling it “building a formidable ecosystem of solutions for the modern digital warrior.” I call it “stockpiling digital weapons while wearing a suit.”
The whole thing reminds me of that time… actually, never mind. The bourbon’s making me nostalgic, and nobody needs that right now.
Here’s what it all boils down to: AI isn’t making hackers better - it’s making lazy hackers more efficient. It’s like giving a drunk guy an automatic transmission. Sure, he might crash more efficiently, but he’s still gonna crash.
And while everyone’s freaking out about AI writing better phishing emails, the real story is how these government contractors are quietly building digital arsenals that would make a Bond villain blush. But hey, at least they’re doing it with style, right?
pours another
The truth is, we’re not dealing with some sci-fi apocalypse here. We’re dealing with the same old human greed and stupidity, just with better tools. AI is just another bottle in the cabinet - it’s not the drink that’s dangerous, it’s who’s pouring it and why.
So what’s the solution? Hell if I know. I’m just a guy with a keyboard and a drinking problem who happens to know more about technology than is probably healthy. But I’ll tell you this much - while everyone’s looking up at the AI boogeyman in the sky, they’re missing the pickpockets working the crowd.
Time to wrap this up. My glass is empty, and my cynicism tank is running low. Remember, folks: AI might be getting better at writing phishing emails, but humans are still the masters at falling for them.
Stay suspicious, stay drunk, and for God’s sake, don’t click on any links promising to make your digital life better. They’re probably written by an AI that’s as drunk on data as I am on bourbon.
Signing off from the digital wasteland, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If any AI is reading this, I’ve got some bridge NFTs to sell you. They pair nicely with virtual whiskey.
Source: The Wiretap: AI Is Already Supercharging Cyberattacks, Warns Government Minister