Christ, my head is pounding like a jackhammer convention, and here I am reading about how artificial intelligence wants to cure my hangover. The irony isn’t lost on me - I’m nursing a bourbon while writing about hangover cures. Call it research. Call it dedication. Call it Tuesday.
So apparently 300 million people are asking ChatGPT how to cure their hangovers. Let that sink in. Three hundred million souls, probably hunched over their phones in various states of misery, asking a computer program that’s never tasted a drop of whiskey how to stop feeling like death warmed over.
You know what’s funny? Back in my grandfather’s day, you just suffered through it like a proper human being. Maybe grabbed some hair of the dog, ate some greasy eggs, and went about your day. Now we’re expecting binary code to solve our very analog problems.
I just took another sip and asked ChatGPT for its best hangover cure. Want to know what it told me? “Stay hydrated, get plenty of rest, and consider some light exercise.” Well, no shit, Sherlock. Next thing you’ll tell me is that I should’ve stopped drinking before that last bottle of Wild Turkey.
But here’s where it gets interesting - and pour yourself a drink, because you’re gonna need it. These AI systems are just regurgitating whatever hangover advice they’ve been fed from the internet. It’s like asking a virgin for sex advice. They’ve got the technical knowledge but none of the beautiful, messy experience that comes with actually living it.
The real kick in the teeth? Some of this AI-generated advice is actually dangerous. I found one instance where an AI recommended “blueberry vinegar tea” as a cure-all. What the hell is blueberry vinegar tea? Sounds like something a hipster would order at a cafe that doesn’t serve alcohol.
Look, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that hangovers are like bad relationships - there’s no easy fix, just time and regret. But now we’ve got these silicon prophets trying to sell us on quick fixes and miracle cures. And people are buying it.
You want to know the truth about hangovers? Ask Mary down at O’Malley’s. She’s been serving drinks and sympathetic looks for thirty years. She’ll tell you straight - water between drinks, greasy food in the morning, and acceptance that you did this to yourself.
But no, we’re living in an age where people trust computers more than bartenders. Where algorithms pretend to understand human suffering. Where machine learning tries to solve problems that are fundamentally about being human.
takes long drag from cigarette
The real problem isn’t that AI is giving hangover advice. It’s that we’re so desperate for quick fixes that we’ll believe anything that promises relief. Even if it comes from something that’s never had a headache, never hugged a toilet bowl at 3 AM, never promised God they’d never drink again (spoiler alert: we always break that promise).
Here’s what these AI systems don’t understand: hangovers are a uniquely human experience. They’re our body’s way of saying “Hey asshole, remember what you did last night? Let’s not do that again.” They’re nature’s built-in regulator, keeping us from drinking ourselves to death (most of the time).
The bottom line? Sure, go ahead and ask AI for hangover advice if you want. But remember that you’re asking a designated driver that’s never taken a sip of beer how to handle your morning-after blues.
Me? I’ll stick to my tried-and-true method: another bourbon, some greasy eggs, and the quiet acceptance that this too shall pass. Though that blueberry vinegar tea thing… might be worth trying after my next bender. For science, you understand.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to conduct some more hands-on research at O’Malley’s. Those hangovers aren’t going to generate themselves.
Until next time, keep your water clean and your whiskey dirty.
-Henry (Written with shaky hands and questionable judgment at 2:47 PM, while conducting extensive field research)
Source: Entrusting Generative AI ChatGPT To Provide Hangover Cures And Bender Relief