Another morning, another hangover, another piece of digital evangelism landing in my inbox like a glitter bomb in a funeral parlor. This time it’s some consultant trying to teach us how to have a “meaningful relationship” with our AI overlords in 2025. Christ, I need a drink just typing that sentence.
Let’s cut through the corporate romance novel bullshit here. They’re selling us a digital marriage counseling session with machines that don’t even exist yet. Four questions to “design your relationship with AI”? Sounds like the kind of advice my second wife’s therapist would give, right before charging me $200 an hour to tell me I drink too much.
Here’s what caught my bloodshot eye: McKinsey claims 65% of organizations are now regularly using generative AI. Double from last year. Sure, and I’m training for the marathon. Most of these companies are probably just using ChatGPT to write their “out of office” messages while they’re nursing hangovers in Cancun.
But here’s where it gets interesting, like finding a twenty in your pants after a blackout night. They’re projecting the US generative AI market to hit $356 billion by 2030. That’s more zeros than I can count after my morning bourbon, but let me tell you what that really means: somebody’s getting rich, and it ain’t us keyboard jockeys.
The real gut punch? These AI systems are energy vampires. One ChatGPT query burns through ten times the juice of a Google search. The data centers running these digital brain-substitutes are set to double their power consumption by 2026. Hell, my bar tab is more environmentally friendly than these silicon-based therapy sessions.
Speaking of therapy, let’s talk about these four questions they want us to ask ourselves. First up: “What gets you up in the morning?” Easy - usually it’s my neighbor’s dog barking or the splitting headache from last night’s philosophical discussion with Jack Daniel’s. But they want us to align our AI usage with our life purpose. Right. Because nothing says “following your dreams” like asking a machine to think for you.
They’re worried about AI becoming a “cognitive crutch.” Too late, sweetheart. Half my Twitter followers are probably bots, and the other half might as well be. We’re already cyborgs - we just run on caffeine and regret instead of electricity.
The piece goes on about “staying true to your core identity.” Listen, I barely know who I am after three drinks, but at least that confusion is authentically human. These AI systems are like that friend who agrees with everything you say - useful sometimes, but you know they’re full of shit.
And don’t get me started on their warning about “agency decay.” That’s consultant-speak for “your brain turning to mush because you let machines do all your thinking.” They’re not wrong, but it’s rich coming from the same people who sold us on automated everything. Remember when we could remember phone numbers? Yeah, me neither.
Here’s the real kicker - they want us to “design this relationship thoughtfully” while we still have a say. That’s like asking someone to plan their drinking habits while they’re already three sheets to the wind. We’re way past the point of careful consideration, folks. The digital drinks have been flowing, and we’re all getting tipsy on automation.
Look, I’m not saying AI is useless. It’s like having a really efficient, sober friend who never gets tired of your shit. But treating it like some kind of digital soulmate? That’s the kind of thinking that comes from people who’ve never had to debug code at 3 AM while nursing a hangover.
The truth is, AI is here to stay, like that one regular at the bar who never seems to leave. We might as well learn to live with it. But let’s not kid ourselves - this isn’t a relationship we’re designing. It’s a dependency we’re managing.
Bottom line: Use AI like you’d use a designated driver - helpful when you need it, but don’t let it take you places you don’t want to go. And for God’s sake, keep some of your thoughts to yourself. The machines don’t need to know everything.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my bourbon is getting warm, and these existential crises go down better with ice.
Yours truly from the digital gutter, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If an AI wrote this, it would probably tell you to drink less and think more. Thank god I’m still human enough to know better.
Source: 4 Questions To Design Your Personal Relationship With AI In 2025