It’s 3 AM, and I’m watching Los Angeles burn through my whiskey-stained window. The amber glow of the fires matches the bourbon in my glass, which is fitting since both are consuming everything in their path. Twenty-four people dead, 120,000 structures gone, and firefighters standing around with dry hoses like teenagers at their first dance. Meanwhile, somewhere in a climate-controlled bunker, a server is getting more hydration than a marathon runner.
Let me pour another drink while I tell you what’s really going on here.
The water crisis hitting LA isn’t just about drought – it’s about priorities. While flames eat through neighborhoods faster than I go through cigarettes, data centers are guzzling water like frat boys at an open bar. And what for? So some AI can tell you whether your selfie would look better with dog ears or cat whiskers.
Here’s the real kick in the teeth: Microsoft’s water consumption jumped from 6.4 million cubic meters to 7.8 million in one year. That’s enough water to fill 3,120 Olympic swimming pools, or roughly the amount I’ve sweated out in hangovers since starting this blog.
The politicians are finally pretending to give a damn. Senator Steve Padilla’s introducing bills faster than I’m introducing bourbon to my bloodstream. Tax exemptions for water recycling? That’s like giving alcoholics a discount at the liquor store for bringing back their empty bottles. Real progressive thinking there, Steve.
And sweet Jesus, wait until you hear this: researchers are saying AI’s global water demand could exceed some European countries by 2027. Remember when computers were supposed to save paper? Now they’re drinking more than I do, and trust me, that’s saying something.
Yesterday, I was talking to Joe, who runs the dive bar down the street. His brother lost everything in the fires. Everything. Meanwhile, some tech CEO tweeted about how their latest AI can now write poetry in the style of drunk Hemingway. Fantastic. Maybe it can compose a haiku about why the hydrants are dry.
The truth is as bitter as day-old coffee: we’re trading survival for convenience. These AI tools everyone’s so excited about? They’re like that friend who crashes on your couch and eats all your food – except instead of Pop-Tarts, they’re consuming the basic necessities of human life.
And please, don’t get me started on Elon Musk blaming DEI programs for the fires. That’s like blaming your hangover on the bar’s lighting. Though I suppose when you’re rich enough, reality becomes optional.
The most absurd part? These massive data centers are running 24/7, sucking up water to keep their processors cool while processing things like, “Hey AI, what should I have for dinner?” Here’s a thought: how about a tall glass of irony with a side of existential dread?
But the worst part isn’t the water usage, or the political theater, or even the tech bros justifying it all. It’s that we’re all just sitting here, watching it happen, like it’s some kind of twisted reality show. “Keeping Up With The Apocalypse,” streaming now, brought to you by whatever AI company hasn’t drained your local reservoir yet.
You want to know what’s really burning? Not just LA. It’s our future, our resources, our common sense – all going up in smoke while we chase digital dreams and automated everything. The machines aren’t taking over with terminators and time travel; they’re doing it one glass of water at a time.
I need another drink.
Signing off from my local watering hole, where at least the water we waste comes with proof of alcohol,
Henry Chinaski Wasted Wetware January 14, 2025
P.S. - The bartender just informed me they’re raising drink prices due to water shortages. Now that’s what I call artificial intelligence.
Source: Politicians Blame Los Angeles Fires on Explosion of AI Data Centers