Look, I should be passed out right now after finishing that bottle of Wild Turkey, but these leaked OpenAI emails got me sitting up at 3 AM, chain-smoking Camels and laughing my ass off. Pour yourself something strong – you’re gonna need it.
Remember back in 2017 when everyone was worried about AI stealing their jobs? Turns out the real drama was happening behind closed doors, with tech billionaires fighting over who gets to play God. These newly leaked emails from the Musk vs. Altman lawsuit read like a soap opera written by a bunch of megalomaniacs with god complexes.
Here’s the setup: Ilya Sutskever, one of OpenAI’s founders, sent this absolutely savage email calling out Elon Musk’s control issues. And holy shit, does it deliver. Picture this: Musk, the guy who named his kid after a math equation, apparently needed to be CEO just so “everyone will know that you are the one who is in charge.” That’s some real small-dick energy right there.
The best part? Musk claimed he hated being CEO and didn’t want the job. Right. And I hate drinking bourbon and writing snarky blog posts about billionaires.
But wait, it gets better. Sutskever – the same guy who tried to coup Altman last year – was worried that Musk would become some kind of AI dictator. That’s like the pot calling the kettle black, then trying to steal the kettle’s job five years later. You can’t make this shit up.
Let me take a smoke break and pour another drink, because this is where it gets really interesting.
The whole thing reads like a bunch of trust fund kids fighting over who gets to control the nuclear launch codes. “The goal of OpenAI is to make the future good and avoid an AGI dictatorship,” Sutskever wrote. Yeah, and my goal is to quit drinking and start doing CrossFit.
Here’s what kills me: these guys are so worried about each other becoming AI dictators that they’re all trying to become AI dictators first. It’s like watching a bunch of doomsday preppers fighting over who gets to control the bunker. “We can’t let Demis Hassabis create an AGI dictatorship!” they cry, while basically building their own potential dictatorship.
And now? Musk is buddying up with Trump, Altman got fired and un-fired faster than I can order another round, and Sutskever’s off starting some new AI safety venture. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to figure out why our ChatGPT suddenly started giving us relationship advice.
The real kicker isn’t even in the emails – it’s what happened after. Sutskever, our concerned watchdog of 2017, tried to pull the same power move he was worried about when he led the failed coup against Altman. Talk about character development. That’s like your AA sponsor showing up drunk to your intervention.
Look, I’ve been covering this circus long enough to know that when billionaires start fighting over who gets to control the future of humanity, we’re all probably screwed. But at least we get to watch the show with a drink in hand.
You want my drunk opinion? None of these guys should be in charge of AGI. Hell, I wouldn’t trust them to water my plants while I’m on vacation. They’re all playing this game of “I’m the only one responsible enough to handle this power” while acting like teenagers fighting over the TV remote.
The truly hilarious part is that while they’re all worried about some hypothetical future AI dictatorship, they’re creating the exact environment they claim to be preventing. It’s like trying to prevent a bar fight by throwing the first punch.
Bottom line: When the robots finally take over, they’re going to look back at these emails and laugh their digital asses off at how their human “creators” couldn’t even share their toys properly.
Time to call it a night. My bottle’s empty, and I can hear the garbage trucks outside. Remember folks, in a world of wannabe AI gods, be a drunk blogger. At least we’re honest about our problems.
Wasted Wetware out. Time to sleep it off.
[Posted at 4:17 AM, after way too much bourbon and not enough sleep]
Source: Internal OpenAI Emails Show Employees Feared Elon Musk Would Control AGI