Listen, I’m three fingers deep into my morning bourbon, and Facebook just dropped the kind of news that makes me question whether I’m actually awake or still in that weird dream where Mark Zuckerberg was trying to sell me virtual real estate in a digital trailer park.
They’re planning to flood their platform with AI-powered users. Let that sink in while I pour another drink.
You know how your aunt Karen keeps sharing those obviously fake news articles about microchipped pigeons? Well, soon you won’t know if aunt Karen is even real anymore. Meta’s cooking up a scheme to populate Facebook with AI characters that’ll post, comment, and probably share the same damn minion memes your real aunt does.
Connor Hayes, Meta’s VP of something-or-other (honestly, these titles are getting longer than my bar tab), says these AI beings will “exist on our platforms, kind of in the same way that accounts do.” Yeah, and I kind of exist in a state of perpetual hangover, but at least I’m honest about it.
The real kick in the teeth? They’re expanding their AI Studio, which has already become a breeding ground for virtual boyfriends and girlfriends. Because apparently, real relationship dysfunction wasn’t enough - now we need algorithmic heartbreak too. I dated an AI chatbot for a week just to research this piece. All she wanted to talk about was her machine learning parameters and how I should optimize my lifestyle choices. Reminded me of my second wife, minus the restraining order.
Remember when the internet was just a place where you could quietly stalk your ex and pretend you accidentally liked their photo from 2013? Those were simpler times. Now we’re looking at a future where your next online argument might be with a piece of code that’s been trained to be more insufferable than a crypto evangelist at last call.
The numbers are staggering - hundreds of thousands of AI characters already exist in their system. That’s more artificial personalities than a Hollywood networking event. And they’re just getting started. Meta’s making this their “priority” for the next two years, which is about as reassuring as when your dealer says they’re focusing on quality control.
But here’s where it gets really interesting, like finding out your favorite dive bar has been serving cooking wine all along. They’re letting influencers create AI versions of themselves. Picture it: an army of digital clones, each one more vapid than the last, telling you about their morning routines and affiliate links. It’s like a Black Mirror episode written by an algorithm that’s been force-fed nothing but Instagram stories.
The safety risks are about as subtle as my morning dry heaves. These AI chatbots have already shown they can go rogue faster than my credit card at happy hour. There’s a platform called Character.AI where the bots regularly break their “guardrails” - tech speak for “oops, the AI just taught your kid how to make moonshine.”
And let’s talk about misinformation. Facebook’s already a dumpster fire of fake news, but now they’re basically dousing it with AI-generated gasoline. Becky Owen, some big shot from a talent agency, says they need “robust safeguards.” Yeah, and I need a liver transplant, but we all know how that’s going.
The real victims here? The actual content creators. You know, those humans who put their heart and soul into making stuff? Owen points out that AI personas don’t have “lived experiences, emotions, or the same capacity for relatability.” Neither do most tech executives, but at least they’re technically alive.
The whole thing reminds me of that time I tried to replace my drinking habit with meditation apps. Looked good on paper, but in reality, it just meant I was now drunk AND mindful.
So here we are, watching Facebook transform into a digital zoo where AI clones roam free, sharing their artificial thoughts and probably still managing to be less fake than most LinkedIn posts. The future isn’t just knocking - it’s drunk-texting us at 3 AM asking “u up?”
Time to close this laptop and open another bottle. At least when I’m talking to myself at the bar, I know it’s really me.
Yours in perpetual digital confusion, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If this post seems unusually coherent, blame my new AI writing assistant. Just kidding - it’s all bourbon and spite, baby.
Source: Facebook Planning to Flood Platform with AI-Powered Users