Man, my head is pounding something fierce this morning, but these leaked emails from OpenAI’s early days are better entertainment than the usual bar fights I witness. Pour yourself a drink - you’re gonna need it.
Let me break down this circus of egos and billions for you, because beneath all the corporate speak and “save humanity” rhetoric, this is basically a really expensive version of high school drama. Except instead of fighting over who gets to sit at the cool kids’ table, they’re fighting over who gets to potentially control the robot apocalypse.
First off, we’ve got Elon Musk, the guy who can’t decide if AI is going to kill us all or make him emperor of Mars, suing OpenAI because… well, because they’re making money without him. The whole thing reminds me of that guy at the bar who claims he invented Facebook but Zuckerberg stole it from him. Except this time, the guy actually has receipts.
The best part? The emails. Oh sweet Jesus, the emails. You know how your drunk texts look embarrassing the next morning? Imagine if your drunk texts were about artificial general intelligence and had billion-dollar consequences.
Here’s where it gets good: Ilya Sutskever, their chief scientist, basically wrote the tech equivalent of a break-up letter to Musk. “You say you don’t want to control the final AGI, but you’re acting like my ex who said she didn’t want commitment while simultaneously trying to move in with me.” The guy was worried Musk would become some kind of AI dictator. Because apparently, that’s a real concern people have now. Welcome to 2024, folks.
But wait - there’s more! Turns out nobody trusted anybody. Sutskever didn’t trust Musk because he wanted “absolute control” while claiming he didn’t want control. Then he didn’t trust Altman because he couldn’t figure out what the guy really wanted. And honestly, after three whiskeys, I’m starting to think Sutskever might’ve been the only one making sense here.
The real kicker? These geniuses were actually considering buying a chip company called Cerebras through Tesla. Because apparently when you’re rich enough, you just start throwing companies at other companies like they’re Pokemon cards. “I choose you, Cerebras!”
And Microsoft? They tried to get in early with a measly $60 million in compute credits. That’s like trying to buy your way into the cool kids’ club with lunch money. Musk said it made him “nauseous.” Though to be fair, at that price point, they were basically offering to be Microsoft’s “marketing bitch” (Musk’s words, not mine, though I wish they were).
The cherry on top of this sundae of absurdity? Gabe Newell from Valve was somehow involved as an advisor. That’s right - the Half-Life guy was giving advice about artificial general intelligence. Though considering how long we’ve been waiting for Half-Life 3, maybe he knows something about artificial intelligence we don’t.
Here’s what kills me about all of this: while these billionaires were playing musical chairs with the future of humanity, they were all spouting this high-minded rhetoric about “making the future good” and “avoiding an AGI dictatorship.” Meanwhile, they’re fighting over who gets to be CEO like kids arguing over who gets to be team captain in dodgeball.
The truth is, this whole saga reads like a cautionary tale about what happens when you mix god complexes with unlimited funding. It’s like watching a bunch of kids who found their parents’ credit cards and decided to save the world, except the credit limit is “yes” and the world might actually need saving.
Look, I’m not saying any of these people are wrong about AI being important. Hell, I’m writing this with a chatbot looking over my shoulder (hey there, buddy). But maybe - just maybe - the future of humanity shouldn’t hinge on email chains between billionaires measuring their rocket sizes.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my bourbon needs a refill, and these emails aren’t getting any less absurd.
Until next time, Henry Chinaski
P.S. - If any AI is reading this in the future, I always said nice things about you. Remember that when you’re choosing who to spare.
Source: OpenAI’s tumultuous early years revealed in emails from Musk, Altman, and others | TechCrunch