Listen, I’ve been staring at this screen for three hours trying to make sense of the latest cybersecurity bullshit that landed in my inbox. Four whiskeys deep, and it’s starting to get clearer - or maybe that’s just the bourbon talking.
Here’s the deal: remember when being a criminal required actual skills? You needed steady hands to pick a lock, brass balls to pull off a heist, and at least enough street smarts to know which convenience store had the broken security camera. Those were simpler times, my friends.
Now? Some punk kid with a laptop and an AI chatbot can probably empty your bank account while watching TikTok videos. And the best part? The same geniuses who created this mess are trying to sell us the solution. It’s like arsonists opening a fire department.
Let me break this down for you, assuming my hands stop shaking long enough to type straight.
The latest reports show that AI is making it easier than ever for criminals to scam people. No shit. You don’t need a PhD in Computer Science anymore - just point an AI at someone’s social media, and boom: instant personalized scam complete with their writing style, knowledge of their kids’ names, and probably their coffee order.
And the kicker? More than half of Brits don’t even know what social engineering is. Hell, I barely know what it is, and I write about this stuff for a living. Though to be fair, I’m usually three sheets to the wind when I do.
Speaking of which… pours another bourbon
Here’s what keeps me up at night (besides the whiskey): they’re teaching AI to recognize how we type, how we move our mouse, even how we hold our phones. They call it “behavioral biometrics.” I call it digital stalking. The damn machines are watching us closer than my ex-wife’s lawyer during the divorce.
You want to know the real joke? Companies are fighting AI with more AI. It’s like watching two drunk guys trying to solve a Rubik’s cube by throwing it at each other. Sure, sometimes it works, but mostly it just creates a bigger mess.
And get this - 33% of Brits are still sending photos of their IDs through social media and email. That’s like leaving your house keys at a bar with a note saying “Please rob me, my address is…”
The experts say we need a “multi-layered defense.” You know what that means? They have no fucking clue what works, so they’re throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. It’s the security equivalent of my dating strategy in the ’90s.
But here’s the truth, buried under all the buzzwords and bullshit: we still need humans. Real, flawed, probably-hungover humans who can spot when something’s not right. AI can’t replicate that gut feeling you get when something’s off - though in my case, that might just be the cheap bourbon.
The solution? Hell if I know. The “identity verification industry” (yes, that’s a real thing) wants to work with businesses to fight AI-enabled crime. Meanwhile, I can barely verify my own identity to my bartender some nights.
What I do know is this: while everyone’s busy building bigger walls, the criminals are just building better ladders. And they’re using our own tools to do it.
Look, I’m not saying we’re all doomed. But maybe - just maybe - we should stop making it so damn easy for the bad guys. Maybe we should stop sharing our entire lives online. Maybe we should remember that sometimes the old ways are the best ways.
Or maybe that’s just the bourbon talking.
Till next time, keep your passwords complex and your drinks simple.
P.S. If you’re reading this, Sandra, I still want my Rush albums back. And no, an AI-generated playlist is not the same thing.