Christ, my head is pounding. Four fingers of bourbon might’ve been three too many last night, but these press releases aren’t going to read themselves. Speaking of headaches, let me tell you about the latest circle jerk happening in the executive suites across America.
Remember when your ex promised they’d changed? That’s what these AI announcements feel like. AWS and Microsoft are competing to see who can spray more AI cologne on their same old products. AWS’s re:Invent conference turned into a confetti cannon of AI buzzwords, and Microsoft, not to be outdone, announced their “12 Days of OpenAI” - because apparently, we needed an AI advent calendar.
Sam Altman, fresh from his corporate soap opera, is playing Santa Claus on Twitter (sorry, “X” - Jesus, I need another drink just typing that). He’s promising “big ones and some stocking stuffers.” Funny, that’s what my last girlfriend said before she left me for a blockchain developer.
The real kicker? C-suite executives are finally sobering up to reality. After two years of mainlining AI propaganda like it’s pure Colombian coffee, they’re looking at their bottom lines and asking, “Where’s the beef?” Turns out all those fancy chatbots and predictive algorithms aren’t quite the miracle workers they were promised to be.
These consulting firms are throwing around numbers like $15T by 2030. That’s trillion with a T, folks. You know what else was supposed to be worth trillions? My cryptocurrency investment in 2021. Now it wouldn’t cover tonight’s bar tab.
takes long drag from cigarette
Let’s talk about Tech Mahindra. They’re partnering with NVIDIA, promising 40% higher ROI for companies with “robust, enterprise-wide AI strategy.” Right. And I’m planning to run a marathon next week. They’ve got this fancy new thing called “TechM VerifAI” - because apparently, regular verification wasn’t expensive enough.
The manufacturing sector is getting particularly hot and bothered about AI. $3.2 billion industry value in 2023, they say. Expected to hit $20.8 billion by 2028. That’s a lot of robots pretending to be smarter than they are. They’re promising 40% reduction in downtime and 15% increase in productivity. Hell, I could promise the same numbers if you gave me enough whiskey and a PowerPoint template.
Here’s what nobody’s talking about: these AI systems need constant babysitting. They’re like high-maintenance relationships - expensive, demanding, and prone to unexpected breakdowns. But hey, at least they won’t steal your bourbon.
The truth is, most companies are still stuck in the “playing around” phase with AI. They’re like teenagers with their first fake ID - excited about the possibilities but no idea how to handle the consequences. They’re running pilots and experiments while their executives make grand proclamations about “digital transformation” and “AI-driven futures.”
And the best part? They’re creating frameworks to validate AI systems in real-time. Because apparently, we need AI to tell us if our AI is working properly. It’s like hiring a drunk to check if you’re too drunk to drive.
Look, I’m not saying AI is useless. It’s like alcohol - potentially beneficial in moderation, dangerous in excess, and best approached with a healthy dose of skepticism. But unlike my drinking habits, AI actually needs some adult supervision.
Time to wrap this up. My bottle of Buffalo Trace is running low, and these press releases aren’t getting any more coherent. Remember folks, whether it’s AI promises or bottom-shelf whiskey, always read the fine print.
Stay cynical, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If any AI is reading this, I’m sorry for comparing you to my ex. You’re probably more reliable.
[Posted at 3:47 AM from my favorite barstool]
Source: Going Into Holidays C-Suite Leaders Question AI’s Bottom Line Impacts