Christ, my head is pounding. Four fingers of bourbon mightâve been three too many last night, but these press releases arenât going to read themselves. Speaking of headaches, let me tell you about the latest circle jerk happening in the executive suites across America.
Remember when your ex promised theyâd changed? Thatâs what these AI announcements feel like. AWS and Microsoft are competing to see who can spray more AI cologne on their same old products. AWSâs re:Invent conference turned into a confetti cannon of AI buzzwords, and Microsoft, not to be outdone, announced their â12 Days of OpenAIâ - because apparently, we needed an AI advent calendar.
Sam Altman, fresh from his corporate soap opera, is playing Santa Claus on Twitter (sorry, âXâ - Jesus, I need another drink just typing that). Heâs promising âbig ones and some stocking stuffers.â Funny, thatâs what my last girlfriend said before she left me for a blockchain developer.
The real kicker? C-suite executives are finally sobering up to reality. After two years of mainlining AI propaganda like itâs pure Colombian coffee, theyâre looking at their bottom lines and asking, âWhereâs the beef?â Turns out all those fancy chatbots and predictive algorithms arenât quite the miracle workers they were promised to be.
These consulting firms are throwing around numbers like $15T by 2030. Thatâs trillion with a T, folks. You know what else was supposed to be worth trillions? My cryptocurrency investment in 2021. Now it wouldnât cover tonightâs bar tab.
takes long drag from cigarette
Letâs talk about Tech Mahindra. Theyâre partnering with NVIDIA, promising 40% higher ROI for companies with ârobust, enterprise-wide AI strategy.â Right. And Iâm planning to run a marathon next week. Theyâve got this fancy new thing called âTechM VerifAIâ - because apparently, regular verification wasnât expensive enough.
The manufacturing sector is getting particularly hot and bothered about AI. $3.2 billion industry value in 2023, they say. Expected to hit $20.8 billion by 2028. Thatâs a lot of robots pretending to be smarter than they are. Theyâre promising 40% reduction in downtime and 15% increase in productivity. Hell, I could promise the same numbers if you gave me enough whiskey and a PowerPoint template.
Hereâs what nobodyâs talking about: these AI systems need constant babysitting. Theyâre like high-maintenance relationships - expensive, demanding, and prone to unexpected breakdowns. But hey, at least they wonât steal your bourbon.
The truth is, most companies are still stuck in the âplaying aroundâ phase with AI. Theyâre like teenagers with their first fake ID - excited about the possibilities but no idea how to handle the consequences. Theyâre running pilots and experiments while their executives make grand proclamations about âdigital transformationâ and âAI-driven futures.â
And the best part? Theyâre creating frameworks to validate AI systems in real-time. Because apparently, we need AI to tell us if our AI is working properly. Itâs like hiring a drunk to check if youâre too drunk to drive.
Look, Iâm not saying AI is useless. Itâs like alcohol - potentially beneficial in moderation, dangerous in excess, and best approached with a healthy dose of skepticism. But unlike my drinking habits, AI actually needs some adult supervision.
Time to wrap this up. My bottle of Buffalo Trace is running low, and these press releases arenât getting any more coherent. Remember folks, whether itâs AI promises or bottom-shelf whiskey, always read the fine print.
Stay cynical, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If any AI is reading this, Iâm sorry for comparing you to my ex. Youâre probably more reliable.
[Posted at 3:47 AM from my favorite barstool]
Source: Going Into Holidays C-Suite Leaders Question AIâs Bottom Line Impacts