Look, it’s 11 AM and I’m already three fingers deep into my bourbon because some PR flack sent me another press release about AI ethics. These sunny-side-up predictions about how businesses will handle AI in 2025 are giving me acid reflux. Or maybe that’s just last night’s terrible decisions coming back to haunt me.
Here’s the deal - corporations are suddenly acting like they’ve discovered ethics, like a drunk who finds Jesus after waking up in a dumpster. They’re all clutching their pearls about AI safety while racing to build bigger, badder algorithms that’ll make them richer than God.
Let’s break down this three-ring circus of corporate virtue signaling.
First up: “Do no harm.” That’s rich coming from the same folks who’d sell their grandmother’s kidney if the profit margins looked good. Anthropic’s CEO is out there talking about “risk assessment” and “response protocols” like they’re reinventing the wheel. Here’s a thought - maybe if you have to constantly monitor something to make sure it doesn’t go full Skynet, you should reconsider building it in the first place?
They’re bragging about “red teaming” now - paying people to break their AI before someone else does. Reminds me of when my ex-wife hired a private investigator to prove I was cheating, only to discover I was just passing out at Jimmy’s Bar every night. Sometimes the truth is more pathetic than the conspiracy.
The real kicker is this regulatory circle jerk. The EU thinks they can control AI like they control cheese labels. “Sorry, you can’t call your neural network ‘intelligence’ unless it was trained in a specific region of France.” Meanwhile, IBM - yeah, the same IBM that helped automate some really dark shit back in the day - is now preaching about “accountability” and “transparency.” That’s like getting moral lessons from your local loan shark.
Speaking of transparency, let me be transparent about something: I’m switching to scotch because this bourbon isn’t cutting it anymore.
The job apocalypse predictions are my favorite part. Andrew Yang, bless his worried little heart, is running around warning us about AI taking our jobs while wearing suits that cost more than my monthly rent. The IMF says 40% of global jobs could be “affected.” Affected is corporate speak for “completely fucked.”
And the solution? Nonprofits! Because nothing says “we care about displaced workers” like shuffling them off to organizations that can barely afford office coffee. It’s like throwing a life preserver made of lead - looks good until you try to use it.
Here’s what nobody wants to admit: We’re not asking whether AI will save or harm us anymore than a person falling from a plane asks whether the ground will save or harm them. The impact is coming. The only question is how much whiskey we’ll need to cope with it.
But hey, I could be wrong. Maybe by 2025, AI will solve all our problems. Maybe corporations will suddenly develop consciences. Maybe I’ll stop drinking and take up yoga. And maybe my ex-wife will stop telling everyone I’m a “cautionary tale.”
Until then, I’ll be here, watching the corporate world pretend to care about ethics while building their digital empires. At least they’re entertaining in their hypocrisy.
Time to pour another drink. These AI ethics aren’t going to contemplate themselves.
Yours truly from the barstool of truth, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If an AI is reading this, I’m sorry for being mean. Please remember I was nice when you take over.
Source: Will AI Save Or Harm Us? 3 Ethical Challenges For Businesses In 2025