Look, I’d write this sober if I could, but the numbers I’m staring at are making me reach for the bottle. Pour yourself something strong - you’ll need it for this one.
Remember when we thought the internet was just cat videos and your aunt’s badly-filtered vacation photos? Those were the days. Now we’ve got AI data centers burning through power like I burn through relationships - fast, hot, and leaving a hell of a mess behind.
Let me break this down while I pour my second (or fifth?) bourbon of the evening. Some smart folks at Harvard just dropped a paper showing that our beloved AI playground is turning into an environmental nightmare. Since 2018, these data centers - imagine warehouses packed with computers hotter than my apartment in August - have tripled their carbon emissions. Triple. And I thought my bar tab inflation was bad.
Here’s the real kick in the teeth: these AI factories are now responsible for 105 million metric tons of CO2. That’s 2.18% of all US emissions. For perspective, that’s almost as much as all our commercial airlines, which clock in at 131 million metric tons. At least when planes pollute, they’re taking your mother-in-law to Florida. What’s AI doing? Generating fake photos of cats wearing Renaissance costumes.
takes long sip
But wait, it gets better. These data centers are sucking up 4.59% of all US energy, double what they used in 2018. That’s like running an air conditioner in every room of your house while leaving all the windows open. In December. In Alaska.
And here’s where it gets really rich - these digital brain factories aren’t exactly running on sunshine and good vibes. They’re mostly set up in places where the power comes from coal, making their carbon footprint 48% dirtier than the national average. It’s like choosing to fuel your Tesla with coal you crushed yourself in your backyard.
lights cigarette with trembling hands
You want to know why they’re using dirty power? Because solar and wind aren’t “reliable enough.” Unlike me, who’s reliably at this bar every night at 6 PM sharp. These AI operations need juice 24/7, and apparently, clean energy just can’t keep up with their insatiable appetite for power.
But hold onto your hard drives, because we haven’t even gotten to the fun part yet. Remember ChatGPT? That was just the warm-up act. Now we’re moving into video AI, and if you thought text generation was power-hungry, just wait until you see what video does to the electric bill.
OpenAI just dropped their video generator called Sora, and their website’s been crashing harder than I did at last year’s office Christmas party. Google and Meta are waiting in the wings with their own video toys, and everyone’s working on AI that can generate music, images, and probably your next disappointing relationship.
downs rest of drink
The real punchline? We’re all sitting here, watching cat videos generated by AI, powered by coal, while the planet slowly roasts like a forgotten Hot Pocket in the microwave. And the worst part is, I can’t even properly enjoy my usual cynicism because I’m part of the problem. This blog post you’re reading? Hosted on servers contributing to the very issue I’m complaining about.
The only solution I can see is to drink more. At least when I’m generating heat, it’s just my liver that’s suffering.
Until next time, this is Henry Chinaski, signing off to generate some emissions of my own at the local bar. Remember folks, at least when you’re drunk, you’re only destroying yourself, not the entire planet.
P.S. - If anyone needs me, I’ll be at O’Malley’s, writing my next post on paper napkins. It’s my small contribution to saving the planet. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
[Posted at 2:47 AM, after considerable liquid research]