Look, I’ve seen some real hypocritical bullshit in my time. Hell, I once worked with a post office supervisor who preached punctuality while showing up drunk at noon every day. But this one takes the cake, washes it down with bottom-shelf whiskey, and throws it back up all over its own moral high ground.
Anthropic - you know, the AI company that’s been strutting around like a reformed alcoholic at their first AA meeting, preaching about safety and ethics - just jumped into bed with Palantir. Yeah, that Palantir. The defense contractor that makes the NSA look like a bunch of girl scouts selling cookies.
Let me break this down while I pour myself another drink.
These folks have been poaching executives from OpenAI like I used to steal cigarettes from the break room, all while claiming they’re the “responsible” ones. Now they’re teaming up with Palantir and AWS to give their chatbot Claude access to classified military intelligence. That’s like giving your drunk uncle security clearance at the Pentagon because he promises he won’t tell any secrets.
Here’s the real kicker: they’re doing this while everyone knows these AI chatbots are about as reliable as my second ex-wife. They hallucinate facts and leak information like a broken faucet in a dive bar bathroom. But sure, let’s give them access to national security information. What could possibly go wrong?
The press release is a masterpiece of corporate bullshit. They’re talking about “processing vast amounts of complex data” and “elevating data-driven insights.” Back when I was writing technical manuals, we called this kind of language “putting lipstick on a pig while it’s still eating garbage.”
Palantir’s CTO is bragging about being the first to bring Claude models to classified environments. That’s like being proud of being the first guy to bring matches to a gasoline fight. They’re giving this AI access to Impact Level 6 clearance - that’s just one step below top secret. Not quite the nuclear codes, but spicy enough to make my hangover feel like a gentle head massage in comparison.
And Anthropic? They saw this coming. They quietly updated their terms of service back in June to allow for military and intelligence use. That’s about as subtle as my morning coughing fits after a night of chain-smoking.
The cherry on top of this shit sundae is Project Maven - Palantir’s $480 million AI targeting system for the Army. Because apparently, what we really need is an AI that hallucinates helping to identify military targets. Christ, even my worst bender decisions look sensible compared to this.
Want to know the real reason behind all this? Follow the money, just like following the trail of empty bottles to my desk every morning. Anthropic is chasing a $40 billion valuation. Turns out ethics are real flexible when there are that many zeros involved.
Remember when tech companies at least pretended to give a damn? Now they’re not even bothering with the foreplay before jumping into bed with the military-industrial complex. It’s like watching that regular at the end of the bar who swears he’s only having one beer, then ends up closing down the place every night.
So here we are, watching an “ethical” AI company hand over potentially hallucinating AI models to defense contractors. If that doesn’t make you want to drink, I don’t know what will.
At least my bourbon never pretended to be anything other than what it is.
-Chinaski
P.S. If any three-letter agencies are reading this, my bar tab is negotiable.