Another Saturday morning, another goddamn headache. Or is it still morning? Sun’s up, birds are chirping, and my liver’s screaming for a Bloody Mary. But screw it, hair of the dog, and all that. Let’s get to the bottom of this mess.
So, Trump’s back in the White House, huh? And his first order of business is to ban “woke AI.” Because apparently, our robot overlords were getting a little too uppity with their social justice lectures. I guess the tin cans were starting to sound a bit too much like those college kids with the purple hair and the pronouns.
Pours a generous slug of bourbon into coffee mug
Now, I’m no fan of political correctness gone wild. I’ve been saying for years that the whole “cancel culture” thing is just a bunch of crybabies looking for something to whine about. But this… this is something else entirely. This is a whole new level of batshit crazy.
This order, called “Removing Barriers to American Leadership in Artificial Intelligence,” sounds like it was written by someone who thinks AI is just a fancy toaster oven that can also tell you the weather. They want AI “free from ideological bias or engineered social agendas.”
Lights cigarette, takes a long drag
Yeah, right. As if that’s even possible. It’s like these clowns never heard of a little something called “bias in, bias out.” Or maybe they did, and they just don’t give a damn. You feed the machine garbage data, you’re gonna get garbage results. It’s not rocket science, folks. Even I can understand that, and I’ve been pickling my brain in cheap whiskey for the better part of my adult life.
Trump, naturally, ripped up Biden’s old AI safety order. You know, the one that was supposed to stop Skynet from going live and nuking us all back to the Stone Age. Apparently, worrying about our robot overlords enslaving humanity is “irresponsible.”
Snorts derisively
Instead, we need AI rooted in “free speech and human flourishing.” Which, in Trump-speak, probably means an army of digital MAGA-hat-wearing sycophants spouting alternative facts and conspiracy theories.
Takes another sip of “coffee”
And here’s the punchline: this whole anti-woke AI crusade seems to be heavily influenced by none other than Elon Musk. You know, the guy who built a chatbot so “anti-woke” that it ended up praising Kamala Harris.
Bursts out laughing, spilling some “coffee” on the keyboard
You can’t make this stuff up. It’s like a goddamn clown car driving off a cliff, except the clowns are billionaires and the cliff is our collective future.
But hold on, it gets even better. Apparently, Musk and Trump aren’t exactly best buds these days. Seems Musk got his panties in a twist over some $500 billion AI investment deal. Trump, being the bigger man, simply pointed out that Musk “hates one of the people in the deal.” Which, of course, is a thinly veiled jab at Sam Altman, the OpenAI CEO who used to be Musk’s buddy until they had a “severe falling out.”
Shakes head, takes another drag from cigarette
It’s like a goddamn soap opera up in there. Except instead of fighting over who gets to marry the handsome doctor, they’re fighting over who gets to control the future of artificial intelligence. And the rest of us are just along for the ride, strapped into the backseat of this runaway clown car, hoping we don’t crash into a wall of digital idiocy.
Now, I’m not saying AI is inherently bad. Hell, some of my best friends are algorithms. I mean, who else is gonna listen to my drunken ramblings at 3 AM? But trying to force AI to conform to some narrow, politically motivated ideology is just plain stupid. It’s like trying to teach a dog to do calculus. You might get it to bark out a few numbers, but it’s not gonna understand what the hell it’s doing.
The real problem, as usual, is the humans. We’re the ones who are screwing things up, not the machines. We’re the ones who are feeding them biased data, programming them with our own prejudices, and then expecting them to magically become these paragons of unbiased, objective truth.
Finishes “coffee,” pours another
And the kicker is? We’re doing all of this while ignoring the real problems. Like, you know, climate change, poverty, inequality, the fact that my rent’s due next week and I’m still waiting on a check from some two-bit tech blog that probably won’t even clear.
But hey, at least we’ll have AI that can tell us how great America is, right? Even if it’s doing it while the world burns around us.
So, what’s the solution? Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe we should just unplug the whole damn thing and go back to writing letters. Or maybe we should just embrace the chaos, let the robots run wild, and see what happens. At this point, it can’t get much worse, can it?
Lights another cigarette, stares out the window at the rising sun
Or maybe, just maybe, we should all just have another drink and try to forget about this whole mess. After all, it’s Saturday. And the only thing worse than a woke AI is a sober one.
Cheers, you miserable bastards.