Alright, you data-drunk degenerates, pull up a stool and let’s talk about the end of the world as we know it. Or at least, the end of the world as those college brochures promised it. Seems like our robot overlords are finally getting their act together, and it’s not looking good for those of us who thought a fancy piece of paper was a ticket to the good life.
Some egghead over at some publication I’ve probably been banned from for sending drunken late-night emails to the editor is going on about how “Agentic AI Requires A New Approach To College Planning.” You don’t say. Like we needed another reason to question those student loans.
So, what’s the gist of this digital doomsday prophecy? It’s simple, really. AI is getting smart, and not just “answer your stupid questions about the weather” smart. We’re talking “do your job, steal your girl, and probably drink your last beer” smart. This so-called “agentic AI” is apparently planning, reasoning, and doing all those other fancy things we used to need humans for.
And the end result is this: the Wall Street Journal, that bastion of financial wisdom and questionable life choices, says even those top-tier MBA types are having a rough time finding a gig. The horror. It’s almost enough to make me spill my drink. Almost.
Now, this ain’t just about some chatbot taking over your customer service gig. We’re talking about AI doing the heavy lifting in coding, data analysis, and all those other soul-crushing tasks that were supposed to be the domain of fresh-faced college grads. This “Devin” thing at Cognition Labs is apparently churning out code like a caffeinated monkey on a deadline, while Anthropic’s “Claude 3” is doing the number-crunching for biotech and finance bros.
So what’s a poor, hungover human to do? Well, according to our friend, college ain’t exactly dead. It’s just… evolving. Or devolving, depending on how much you’ve had to drink this fine Sunday afternoon. The point is, that sheepskin ain’t the golden ticket it used to be.
The real money, they say, is in learning to play nice with our new robot overlords. It’s about “working alongside AI,” “thinking critically,” and “adapting to an evolving job market.” Sounds like a load of corporate-speak to me, but hey, I’m just a guy with a blog and a drinking problem, what do I know?
Now, they do mention some universities are trying to keep up. MIT’s got this “Schwarzman College of Computing,” whatever the hell that is. Carnegie Mellon is apparently “integrating AI ethics” into their curriculum. You know, because the robots really care about ethics. And Rice is doing something with “AI-focused research centers,” which sounds suspiciously like where they’re building our future robot masters.
But here’s the punchline: most of these universities are about as up-to-date as my liver. By the time these kids graduate, their fancy AI knowledge will be about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
So, what’s the real takeaway here? Are we all doomed to be replaced by machines? Maybe. But here’s a thought that just occurred to me, through the haze of this delightful bourbon: maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
Think about it. No more pointless meetings. No more performance reviews. No more sucking up to the boss. Just you, a bottle of something strong, and a world where the robots do all the work. Hell, maybe they’ll even learn to make a decent old-fashioned.
And here’s where things get interesting. Our dear author suggests we should all focus on those things AI supposedly can’t do: creativity, emotional intelligence, strategic thinking, you know the drill. All that touchy-feely stuff that doesn’t involve algorithms or data sets.
But, and I hesitate to say this, what if we’ve been looking at this whole thing backward? What if the robots, in their cold, calculating way, are actually better at being human than we are?
I mean, look at us. We’re a mess. We’re anxious, we’re insecure, we’re constantly chasing the next shiny object, the next promotion, the next drink. We’re so busy trying to prove our worth in this rat race that we’ve forgotten how to just be.
Maybe, just maybe, these AI are onto something. Maybe they’ll teach us how to be human again. Or maybe they’ll just replace us and get on with it. Who knows?
What I do know is this: the future is uncertain, it’s probably going to be messy, and it’s definitely going to require a lot more whiskey.
So, raise a glass, you magnificent bastards. To the robots, to the future, and to the beautiful, chaotic mess that is the human condition. Cheers.
Source: Agentic AI Requires A New Approach To College Planning