Well folks, it’s 3 AM, and I’m nursing my fourth bourbon while watching the dumpster fire that is OpenAI’s latest launch. Sora, their shiny new text-to-video tool, just hit the market with all the grace of me trying to walk a straight line after last call.
Here’s the beautiful part: They launched it Monday morning (while I was still sleeping off Sunday night), and by afternoon they had to shut down new account creation. Too much demand, they say. You know what else has too much demand? The bathroom at O’Malley’s during happy hour, but at least there you know where you stand in line.
The real comedy here is that they’re charging $200 a month for their “Pro” plan. That’s not a typo, friends. Two hundred American dollars. That’s roughly 8 bottles of decent bourbon, or 40 packs of cigarettes, or one night of extremely poor decision-making at the casino. And what do you get for that princely sum? The ability to make fancy videos that look like they were dreamed up by an AI that’s been huffing paint thinner.
But here’s where it gets interesting - and trust me, I had to double-check this three times because I thought the whiskey was playing tricks on me. They’re not even letting folks in the UK, Switzerland, or the EU play with their new toy. It’s like throwing a party and telling half your friends they can’t come because you’re afraid they’ll call the cops when things get weird.
Speaking of weird, let’s talk about these “PR Puppets” - a group of artists who leaked Sora before the official launch. These magnificent bastards did what any self-respecting person would do when faced with corporate bullshit: they flipped the table over. They were brought in as “early access testers” (corporate speak for “free labor”), and when they realized they were being used as unpaid R&D and publicity props, they decided to give OpenAI a taste of their own medicine.
The best part? OpenAI’s response was basically “participation is voluntary” - which is exactly what my liver tells me every time I order another round. Sure, it’s voluntary, but we all know who’s really calling the shots here.
Now they’re offering different tiers of access. The regular ChatGPT Plus subscribers get to make 50 videos a month at potato quality, while the “Pro” users get to empty their wallets for higher resolution and longer videos. It’s like paying extra at the bar for the good stuff, except instead of getting single malt scotch, you’re getting AI-generated videos of “a wide open mouth full of tiny flowers.” Because apparently that’s what the world needed.
You want to know the real kicker? While all this is happening, there are actual artists out there - flesh and blood humans who’ve spent years perfecting their craft - watching as their future gets auctioned off to the highest bidder. One of these artists, Federico Bomba (and yes, that’s his real name, I checked twice), is asking for meaningful reinvestment in the artistic community. But asking tech companies to properly compensate artists is like asking your bartender to fill your glass to the brim - it’s a nice thought, but we all know it ain’t happening.
Look, I’m not saying Sora isn’t impressive. It is. But so is my ability to still type coherently after this many drinks, and you don’t see me charging $200 a month for that privilege.
The truth is, we’re watching the birth of something that’s either going to revolutionize creative expression or turn us all into button-pushing automatons generating endless streams of AI content. Probably both. And the really fun part is that none of us - not even the folks at OpenAI - really know which way this is going to go.
Until next time, friends. I need to go generate some text-to-hangover content.
Yours truly from the bottom of the bottle, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If anyone from OpenAI is reading this, I’ll test your damn software for free. Just send bourbon.
Source: Sora Demand On Launch Day Leads OpenAI To Pause New Account Creation