Look, I’ve been around long enough to know when I’m being played. And brother, we’re all getting played harder than a slot machine in Vegas right now. I’m writing this at 3 AM, three fingers of bourbon deep, watching OpenAI’s latest party trick stumble around like me after last call.
Remember those slick demo videos OpenAI teased us with last year? The ones that had everyone drooling like teenagers at their first peep show? Well, Sora finally dropped its towel this week, and let me tell you - it ain’t pretty.
Here’s the thing about promises - they’re like that bottle of 30-year-old scotch you’ve been saving for a special occasion. The anticipation builds and builds, but when you finally crack it open, sometimes you find out it’s just colored water with a fancy label. That’s Sora right now.
The real gut punch? They want you to pay $20 a month for the privilege of being disappointed, or if you’re feeling particularly masochistic, $200 for the “Pro” experience. That’s a lot of good whiskey money going down the drain, friends.
Early adopters are reporting results that look like they were filmed by someone who pre-gamed a little too hard before picking up the camera. We’re talking people walking backward with their heads on backward - and not in an artistic, David Lynch kind of way. More like a “who dropped acid in the rendering farm” kind of way.
And the kicker? They’ve already had to shut down new account creation because of “high demand.” Right. Just like how that dive bar downtown is “at capacity” when they don’t want to let in the guy wearing flip-flops and a tank top.
Meanwhile, the competition isn’t just eating OpenAI’s lunch - they’re drinking their milkshake too. Runway’s over there making deals with Lionsgate while Sora’s still trying to figure out which way legs are supposed to bend. HailuoAI, Kling, and that new Hunyuan thing from Tencent are all showing up to the party with better moves.
But here’s what really chaps my hide - the content restrictions. No violence, no explicit content, not even cartoon violence. Because heaven forbid we corrupt the precious AI with reality. It’s like trying to write Hemingway without mentioning drinking or bulls. What’s next - AI-generated videos of people holding hands and singing Kumbaya?
You want to know what this reminds me of? Every bad date I’ve ever been on. Gorgeous profile pics, promising conversation, then you meet in person and they spend the whole time talking about their crystal collection while you eye the exit.
Some folks are impressed, sure. There’s always someone who thinks light beer is “actually pretty good.” And yeah, when Sora works, it really works. That caveman documentary thing they showed off? Pretty damn slick. But it’s like that one friend who’s brilliant when sober but completely unreliable - you never know which version you’re going to get.
The truth is, we’re all chasing the dragon here, hoping each new AI release will finally be the one that delivers on all those sci-fi promises we grew up with. Instead, we keep getting these half-baked solutions that feel like they were rushed out the door faster than me leaving a bar when someone puts Nickelback on the jukebox.
Look, I’m not saying Sora won’t eventually get its act together. Maybe in a few months, after they’ve worked out the kinks and figured out which way heads are supposed to face, it’ll be worth that Pro subscription. But right now? Save your money for something more reliable - like that bottle of bourbon you’ve been eyeing.
At least when bourbon disappoints you, you’re too drunk to care.
Time to pour another and watch those weird AI walking animations again. They’re starting to make more sense after the fourth drink anyway.
Yours truly from the bottom of the bottle, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If anyone from OpenAI is reading this, I’ll trade you some actual video editing skills for a case of single malt. Just saying.