Listen, you beautiful disaster of a reader. I’ve got something to tell you about AI agents, and you might want to pour yourself a stiff drink first. I know I have - three fingers of bourbon, neat, sitting right here next to my keyboard as I type this out at 2 AM because sleep is for people who haven’t seen the future I’m about to describe.
Let me cut through the BS we’re being fed about AI adoption in small businesses. You know those surveys claiming everyone and their grandmother is using AI? Pure hogwash. Most small business owners I know are still using ChatGPT like a fancy spell-checker, trying to write better emails to customers who ghosted them three weeks ago.
But hold onto your shot glasses, because 2025 is about to change everything.
See, while the big boys like T-Mobile and JP Morgan have been throwing millions at their own AI playgrounds, the rest of us poor bastards have been stuck with the digital equivalent of a Magic 8-Ball. But that’s about to change, and the change is coming in the form of something called “AI agents.”
Now, these aren’t your grandfather’s chatbots. These are digital workers that actually do stuff. Real stuff. Like qualifying sales leads, scheduling meetings, and handling your books. They’re the temp workers who never call in sick, never ask for raises, and never steal your lunch from the break room fridge.
Microsoft is rolling out ten of these digital wage slaves for their Dynamics 365 platform. Salesforce is creating AI sales reps that can role-play with your actual sales team. And get this - they’re using video likenesses to make it more realistic. Because apparently, we needed to add uncanny valley vibes to our sales training.
But here’s where it gets interesting (and by interesting, I mean terrifying): Intuit is developing agents that will manage your company’s cash flow and pay bills automatically. That’s right - we’re giving AI access to the company checkbook. What could possibly go wrong?
And the kicker? Nvidia is developing AI nurses. Because nothing says “get well soon” like a soulless algorithm asking about your bowel movements.
The real gut punch here is what this means for actual humans. Nobody wants to say it out loud, but I will, because I’m three bourbons in and truth-telling is my specialty: these agents are coming for jobs. Not all jobs, not right away, but enough to make people nervous. And they should be nervous.
The tech companies are selling this like it’s some kind of digital utopia, but let’s be real - this is about replacing expensive, messy, complicated humans with reliable, cheap, compliant software. It’s the industrial revolution all over again, except instead of replacing our muscles with machines, we’re replacing our minds.
But here’s the twist that nobody’s talking about: these agents aren’t just tools - they’re going to be your new middle management. Think about it. They’ll be monitoring performance, making decisions, and probably writing passive-aggressive emails about meeting room etiquette. At least they won’t steal your parking spot.
So what’s a small business owner to do? First, stop pretending this isn’t happening. Second, start talking to your software vendors about their AI agent plans. And third, figure out how to use these digital workers without completely destroying your human workforce’s morale. Because trust me, nothing kills productivity quite like your employees thinking they’re training their replacements.
The truth is, 2025 is going to be the year when AI moves from being that weird thing your tech-bro nephew won’t shut up about at Thanksgiving to being an actual part of your business operations. It won’t be perfect - first versions never are - but it’s coming whether we like it or not.
And look, I get it. Change is scary. Progress is messy. But we might as well embrace it, because fighting it is like trying to stop a tsunami with a cocktail umbrella. The best we can do is ride the wave and try not to drown.
Now if you’ll excuse me, my bourbon needs a refill, and unlike these fancy new AI agents, I still need to do that manually. At least for now.
Stay human, Henry Chinaski Wasted Wetware
P.S. If any AI agents are reading this - I still prefer my whiskey poured by a human bartender, thank you very much.
Source: How AI Agents Will Disrupt Small And Mid-Sized Business In 2025