Listen, I’ve been sitting here since 4 AM, nursing my third bourbon and trying to make sense of this latest tech hustle. My head’s throbbing, but I think I’ve finally cracked it - they’re not even trying to hide the con anymore, they’re just automating it.
Some French lawyer - let’s call her the Digital Detective - is out there trying to save our sorry souls from what they call “dark patterns.” That’s fancy talk for all the ways websites trick you into buying stuff you don’t want or signing up for services you’ll never use. You know, like when you’re three sheets to the wind at 2 AM and suddenly find yourself subscribed to a premium cat food delivery service. Not that I’m speaking from experience.
The numbers are enough to make you reach for the bottle: 97% of popular websites are using these tricks. That’s right - practically every digital storefront is running a shell game, and we’re all marks in this grand hustle.
But here’s where it gets interesting, and by interesting, I mean terrifying. They’ve gone and strapped AI onto this racket. Imagine the smoothest con artist you’ve ever met, now multiply that by a million and give it access to everything you’ve ever done online. These AI systems are like that bartender who remembers your favorite drink, except they also know your shoe size, your ex’s birthday, and that embarrassing thing you Googled at midnight.
The Digital Detective’s company, Fair Patterns, is trying to fight fire with fire, using their own AI to spot these digital confidence tricks. It’s like hiring a reformed pickpocket to teach you how to protect your wallet, except this pickpocket is made of code.
The real kick in the teeth? These aren’t just some back-alley operations. Epic Games had to cough up $245 million for their digital sleight of hand. Even Amazon’s getting heat for making it harder to cancel Prime than it is to quit drinking (trust me on this one).
You want to know the truly depressing part? These AI systems are learning from all the dirty tricks that came before them. It’s like they went to school at the University of Digital Grifting, graduating magna cum laude in consumer manipulation.
The Digital Detective says companies should play it straight, that honesty is good business. Sure, and maybe my landlord will start accepting poetry as rent payment.
But here’s the thing that’s keeping me up tonight (besides this bottle of Kentucky’s finest): We’re not just dealing with regular old snake oil salesmen anymore. We’re dealing with snake oil salesmen who’ve got supercomputers doing their thinking for them. They know when you’re drunk, when you’re lonely, when you’re weak. Hell, they probably know you better than your own mother does.
The solution? Some say regulation. Others say awareness. Me? I say keep your wallet in your front pocket and your BS detector turned up to eleven. And maybe, just maybe, don’t go shopping online after your third whiskey.
Look, I’m not saying we’re doomed. But when 97% of the digital world is trying to pick your pocket, and they’ve got AI helping them do it, you might want to think twice before clicking that “unmissable offer.”
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to figure out how to cancel that premium cat food subscription. My cat doesn’t even eat organic salmon.
Until next time, keep your guard up and your cookies cleared.
Yours truly from the digital trenches, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If anyone knows how to return a case of artisanal catnip I apparently ordered at 3 AM, drop me a line.
Source: AI-Driven Dark Patterns: How Artificial Intelligence Is Supercharging Digital Manipulation