Look, I’m three bourbons deep and my hangover’s finally wearing off, which means it’s time to talk about the latest round of corporate fortune-telling about how AI’s gonna save us all. Or kill all our jobs. Same difference, depending on which executive’s LinkedIn post you’re reading.
Some fancy new report just dropped about how AI’s gonna replace full-time careers in 2025. The suits are all excited about it, like kids who just discovered their dad’s liquor cabinet. But here’s what they’re really saying: “Hey wage slaves, we found a way to make you even more disposable!”
Let me break this down while I pour another drink.
These corporate prophets are pushing what they call an “AI-ready culture.” That’s consultant-speak for “learn to love your robot overlords or get bent.” According to Andy Bradshaw, some big shot CEO, it’s all about creating a “culture of curiosity, adaptability and continuous learning.” Translation: “Dance, monkey, dance, while we figure out how to automate your job.”
And the real kicker? They’re not even trying to hide it anymore. Marais Bester, another consultant (who probably charges more per hour than I make in a week), straight up admits “workforces will become smaller.” No shit, Sherlock. Thanks for that insight. Let me finish this glass to that stunning revelation.
But wait, there’s more! They’re selling this dystopian nightmare as some kind of digital promised land. “The gig economy will grow!” they trumpet, like it’s something to celebrate. Yeah, because what everyone really wants is to piece together six different jobs just to make rent, while competing with AI for scraps of work. Living the dream, folks.
pours another bourbon
Let’s talk about their magical AI interviews. According to these prophets of profit, 70% of employers are gonna let algorithms decide who gets hired. They’re calling it “structured digital interviews.” Fancy way of saying “computer says no.” They’re even bragging about how it’ll give candidates “personalized feedback.” Great, now a robot can tell me why I’m not good enough in multiple customized ways.
The part that really makes me need another drink is their take on “interview intelligence.” They’re analyzing “engagement and communication dynamics.” In other words, they’re teaching machines to judge how human you are. The irony’s so thick you could spread it on toast.
Here’s what none of these suits want to admit: This isn’t about efficiency or progress or whatever buzzword bingo they’re playing. It’s about control. It’s about turning skilled workers into digital sharecroppers, always at the mercy of the next gig, the next platform, the next algorithm update.
But hey, according to our friend Bradshaw, we shouldn’t fear AI. We should be “curious” about it. Sure, buddy. I’m curious about lots of things after midnight at my local bar, doesn’t mean I should embrace them.
lights cigarette
The truth is, we’re watching the slow death of job security, dressed up in TED Talk optimism and consultant-speak. They’re not just replacing jobs - they’re replacing the whole concept of stable employment. And they want us to thank them for it.
The real punchline? They keep talking about “AI regulation” like it’s going to save us. But by the time any meaningful regulations come around, we’ll all be competing with AI chatbots for freelance writing gigs. Hell, maybe one’s already ghost-writing these CEO quotes. Would explain the lack of personality.
finishes bourbon
Look, I’m not saying the sky is falling. I’m just saying we might want to look up from our screens long enough to notice the meteor headed our way. And maybe, just maybe, we should ask ourselves why every “innovation” seems to end with workers getting screwed and executives getting bonuses.
But what do I know? I’m just a drunk blogger watching the future unfold through bourbon-tinted glasses. At least when the AI takes over, I’ll still have whiskey.
Time to close the laptop and open another bottle. Tomorrow’s another day in the glorious gig economy.
Yours in digital despair, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If an AI is reading this, yes, I know you can write faster than me. But can you appreciate the subtle notes of despair in a good bourbon? Didn’t think so.
Source: ‘AI Will Replace Full-Time Careers For Some Employees,’ 2025 Predictions