Look, I told you this was coming. Hell, everyone with half a functioning brain cell and a drink in their hand knew this was coming. Perplexity AI, that cute little “answer engine” startup that’s been playing innocent schoolgirl with its pure, unbiased answers, just announced they’re joining the oldest profession in the world: advertising.
And here’s the real beauty of it - they’re not even gonna be honest about it. No sir, none of those garish banner ads or pop-ups that make you want to throw your laptop through the nearest window. Instead, they’re going for what they’re calling “sponsored follow-up questions and paid media.” Which is corporate speak for “We’re gonna slide these ads in so smooth you won’t even notice you’re being sold something until you’re already halfway to the checkout page.”
Christ, my bourbon isn’t strong enough for this.
The whole thing reminds me of those fancy speakeasies that pretend they’re not bars. You know the ones - hidden behind a fake bookshelf, requiring a secret password, serving $25 “artisanal cocktails” that taste exactly like the $5 well drinks at my regular spot. It’s all about the presentation, baby.
But here’s where it gets interesting. Perplexity’s trying to convince us this is all for the greater good. “Ad programs like this help us generate revenue to share with our publisher partners,” they say. Translation: “Subscriptions aren’t paying the bills, and we need to keep the lights on.” Fair enough. I get it. My bar tab isn’t paying itself either.
The real kicker? They’re promising these ads won’t affect the “utility, accuracy and objectivity” of their answers. Right. And I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning feeling fresh as a daisy, with no hangover and a sudden desire to take up jogging.
Let’s break down what’s really happening here:
Perplexity’s getting squeezed from all sides. OpenAI just dropped their SearchGPT feature, which is like having your ex open a competing bar right across the street.
They’re getting sued left and right for copyright infringement. The New York Times and Conde Nast are breathing down their necks with cease-and-desist letters. That’s gotta hurt worse than my Sunday morning migraines.
Their $20/month subscription model isn’t cutting it. Turns out people don’t want to pay for something they can get for free elsewhere. Who knew?
But here’s what nobody’s talking about: this whole “sponsored follow-up questions” thing is actually pretty damn clever. Think about it. Regular ads are like that drunk guy at the bar who won’t shut up about his crypto investments. Everyone ignores him. But these new ads? They’re like the smooth-talking regular who buys you a drink before mentioning his “amazing business opportunity.”
And the partners they’ve lined up - Indeed, Whole Foods, Universal McCann, PMG - that’s like getting the cool kids to come to your party. Sure, they might be there just because you’ve got the good booze, but hey, at least they showed up.
Here’s my prediction, and you can quote me on this when you’re crying into your cornflakes next year: this is just the beginning. Every single one of these “free” AI services is going to start monetizing harder than a Vegas casino. The free lunch is over, folks. Actually, it was never free - we just didn’t see the bill coming.
But you know what really gets me? The way they’re trying to spin this as some kind of noble pursuit. “Maintaining a trusted service that provides you with direct, unbiased answers.” Please. That’s like me telling you I only drink for medicinal purposes.
At least when my bartender tries to upsell me on top-shelf whiskey, he’s honest about it. He doesn’t pretend it’s for my own good or try to hide it in a “sponsored drinking experience.”
So what’s the takeaway here? Simple: everything’s going to hell in a handbasket, but at least we’re getting creative about how we’re getting there. And if you’re going to use Perplexity from now on, maybe do what I do with my ex’s text messages - take everything with a grain of salt and a shot of whiskey.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go figure out if this splitting headache is from contemplating AI advertising ethics or from last night’s “research.”
Yours truly from the bottom of the bottle, Henry Chinaski
P.S. If any AI companies are reading this and want to advertise on my blog, my rate is three bottles of top-shelf bourbon per sponsored post. No “sponsored follow-up questions” required.
Source: Perplexity to introduce sneaky ads alongside its AI answers