Alright, pour yourself a stiff one – preferably something that burns on the way down – and let’s wade through this… masterpiece… from Sam Altman, the guy currently holding the reins of our impending AI-pocalypse. Or utopia. Depends on who you ask, and how many drinks they’ve had.
He calls it “Three Observations.” More like “Three Hail Marys to the Algorithm Gods.”
First off, the man loves his buzzwords. “AGI,” “socioeconomic value,” “individual empowerment”… It’s like a bingo card for tech-bro bullshit. But buried beneath the jargon, there’s a nugget of something… well, not truth, exactly. More like a greasy, half-eaten hot dog of an idea.
He starts with this whole “mission to ensure AGI benefits all of humanity” schtick. Right. Because that’s always how it works out with powerful new technologies, isn’t it? Nobody ever uses them to, you know, amass obscene wealth, control populations, or build killer robots. Nope. Never happens. I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell anyone who buys that line, and it comes with a free lifetime supply of digital snake oil.
Then he gets into the “observations.”
Observation 1: More Money = More Smarter AI.
No shit, Sherlock. You throw enough cash at a problem, and something’s bound to happen. It’s the American way! Except, usually, the “something” involves a bigger yacht for the CEO, not a sentient toaster oven. But hey, maybe this time it’s different. This time, throwing billions at complex algorithms will magically solve all the world’s problems. He presents no evidence to corroborate this other than saying: “It appears…” Sure, Sam.
Observation 2: AI Gets Cheaper, Faster Than You Can Say “Job Security.”
Okay, this one has a ring of truth, if only because it’s terrifying. He’s basically saying AI is on a rocket ship to affordability, leaving us mere mortals choking on its exhaust fumes. Remember Moore’s Law? This is Moore’s Law on steroids, mixed with a healthy dose of whatever they’re putting in the water over at OpenAI. The kicker? He says: “lower prices lead to much more use”. It’s an interesting observation, and I’d love to see some numbers to back it up.
Observation 3: The Value of AI is “Super-Exponential.”
Whatever the hell that means. I think he’s trying to say that a little bit of AI goes a long, long way. Like a shot of whiskey in your morning coffee – it might not be good for you, but it’ll definitely change your day. And, by extension, he states: “we see no reason for exponentially increasing investment to stop in the near future”. Of course, they don’t.
The rest of the piece is a blur of utopian fantasies and vague warnings. We’ll have “virtual co-workers” (great, more meetings), “cure all diseases” (finally, a cure for hangovers!), and “fully realize our creative potential” (by letting robots write our poetry?).
And what about the downside? Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be “uneven.” Some industries will change “very little” (like, say, bartending – thank God), while others will be… well, let’s just say “transformed.” He talks about the “balance of power between capital and labor” getting “messed up.” Yeah, no kidding. When the robots are doing all the work, what’s left for us poor saps?
He throws in a few crumbs of comfort for the soon-to-be-obsolete humans. “Agency, willfulness, and determination will likely be extremely valuable.” In other words, learn to hustle, kids, because the robots are coming for your lunch money. And your job. And possibly your soul.
And then there’s this gem: “Anyone in 2035 should be able to marshall the intellectual capacity equivalent to everyone in 2025.” Everyone will have access to “unlimited genius.” Sounds great, until you realize that “unlimited genius” is probably going to be controlled by the same people who brought you targeted advertising and social media algorithms. What could possibly go wrong?
He finishes by acknowledging that “public policy and collective opinion” matter. Which is a nice way of saying, “We’re going to do whatever we want, but we’ll pretend to listen to your concerns.” He even mentions “open-sourcing more,” as if that’s going to stop the inevitable march of the AI overlords. It’s like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound.
So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Honestly, I’m not sure. It’s a Tuesday, I’m on my third whiskey, and my head is starting to spin.
But here’s my best guess:
The future is coming, whether we like it or not. It’ll be powered by AI, fueled by money, and shaped by people who probably don’t understand the consequences of their actions. It might be amazing. It might be terrifying. It’ll probably be both.
And one last note, to preempt the journalists Sam so eloquently dismisses with his footnote… Microsoft is the sugar daddy here. That’s just a fact, jack. Doesn’t make this any less of a fever dream, though.
So, raise a glass to the future, folks. It’s going to be a wild ride. And as for me? I’m going to need another drink. Make it a double.
Source: Three Observations