settles in with fresh bottle, cracks knuckles over typewriter
Another day, another tech revolution. At least that’s what they’re telling us. I’m sitting here in my dimly lit apartment, nursing my third whiskey of the evening, trying to make sense of the latest promises from Silicon Valley’s dream factory.
Two OpenAI bigwigs, Olivier Godement and Romain Huet - names that sound like they belong on wine bottles I couldn’t afford even in my postal worker days - are touring the world like tech evangelists. They’re spreading the good word about something called “AI agents,” and boy, do they have a story to tell.
Let me break it down for you poor bastards who, like me, are trying to navigate this brave new world while maintaining a healthy blood-alcohol level.
These guys just wrapped up their London show - DevDay they call it, probably because “Tech Circle Jerk” wouldn’t play well with investors. It’s their first time taking this circus outside of San Francisco, which tells you something about how the tech elite are finally realizing there’s a world beyond California’s kombucha-soaked borders.
Here’s what they’re promising: AI agents that’ll basically be your digital butler, personal assistant, and therapist all rolled into one. These things will know everything about you - your emails, your calendar, your apps, probably even that playlist you only listen to when you’re feeling particularly sorry for yourself at 3 AM.
They’re starting with some fancy voice features. Because apparently, typing is too much work now. Soon you’ll be able to talk to your computer like it’s your bartender, except it won’t serve you drinks or laugh at your bad jokes. They’re rolling out new voices too, probably so you can choose which accent you want delivering the bad news about your productivity levels.
But here’s where it gets interesting, folks. These AI agents are supposed to handle complex tasks. Booking flights, writing papers, probably even managing your love life better than you can. Hell, given my track record, that last one wouldn’t be hard.
Godement - who I picture wearing one of those sweaters that costs more than my monthly rent - says that in a few years, every human on Earth will have an AI agent. Every human. Let that sink in. We can’t even get clean water to everyone, but sure, let’s give them all AI butlers.
The real kicker is this “reasoning” feature they’re bragging about. They’ve taught their AI to think using something called “chain of thought” processing. It’s supposed to recognize mistakes, break down problems, and try different approaches. Sounds like what I do every morning trying to piece together where I left my keys.
But hold onto your overpriced ergonomic chairs, because here comes Professor Chirag Shah from the University of Washington, throwing cold water on this digital bonfire. He says these language models aren’t really thinking - they’re just really good at imitating thought. Kind of like how I imitated sobriety during my last performance review.
Look, I’ve been around technology long enough to know how this goes. I watched the post office try to automate sorting while I was still manually throwing packages into bins at 3 AM. Every new system promised to revolutionize everything. Most just gave us new and exciting ways to screw things up.
And let’s talk about trust for a minute. These guys want us to trust AI agents with our entire digital lives. I don’t even trust myself with my PayPal password, and now they want me to hand over control of my calendar, emails, and god knows what else to a computer program?
Here’s what they’re not telling you: This isn’t just about making your life easier. This is about data. Mountains of it. Every preference, every habit, every digital footprint you leave. Your AI agent will know more about you than your mother, your ex, and your therapist combined. And somewhere, in some server farm probably built on an ancient burial ground, all that data is being collected, analyzed, and used to figure out new ways to sell you stuff you don’t need.
The scary part? It’ll probably work. These AI agents will be convenient as hell. They’ll remember your appointments, order your groceries, and maybe even write your breakup texts with just the right amount of “it’s not you, it’s me.” They’ll be so useful that we’ll overlook the fact that we’re basically installing our own personal surveillance system.
So what’s the bottom line? AI agents are coming, whether we want them or not. They’ll probably make some things easier, like how the invention of the bottle opener improved my quality of life. But thinking? Real reasoning? That’s still our territory, for better or worse (usually worse, in my case).
Until then, I’ll stick to my system of post-it notes, alarm clocks, and the occasional moment of clarity between hangovers. At least when I screw up, it’s authentic human error, not some algorithm’s idea of what my mistake should look like.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go reason with my landlord about the rent. Let’s see an AI agent handle that conversation.
P.S. To any AI agents reading this: I take my coffee black, my whiskey neat, and my existential crises between the hours of 2 and 4 AM. Plan accordingly.