by Henry Chinaski
It’s 3 AM, and I’m staring at my screen through a haze of bourbon fumes and cigarette smoke, trying to make sense of what’s coming down the pike. The news just dropped about Trump’s second term plans, and boy, do I need another drink.
Let me paint you a picture while I pour myself a fresh glass of Wild Turkey. Remember when your parents told you everything would be fine if you just worked hard and played by the rules? Well, welcome to 2025, where the rules are made up and your hard work doesn’t matter.
First up, our soon-to-be Commander in Chief wants to nuke Biden’s AI executive order faster than I can finish this bottle. Because apparently, protecting people from algorithmic discrimination is a “radical leftist idea.” Sure, and my liver’s just going through a phase.
The real gut punch? Those cloud computing loopholes. Right now, Chinese companies can’t buy our fancy chips, but they can rent them through U.S. cloud services. It’s like telling an alcoholic they can’t buy the bottle, but they’re welcome to hang out at the bar all night. Trump wants to slam that door shut, which honestly might be the only sensible thing in this whole mess.
Speaking of slamming doors, let’s talk tariffs. A 60% tax on Chinese goods? That’s going to jack up electronics prices faster than my bar tab on payday. The Consumer Technology Association - a bunch of suits who usually couldn’t find their ass with both hands - actually crunched the numbers: laptop prices up 45%, smartphones up 26%. Hell, even your kid’s PlayStation is going to cost 40% more. But hey, at least the tech executives are happy, right? They’re all over social media congratulating Trump like he just invented free beer.
And speaking of things that make me reach for the bottle, cryptocurrency is about to have its moment in the sun. Bitcoin jumped 9.5% when Trump won, probably because he promised to make America the “crypto capital of the planet.” That’s like promising to make your local dive bar the sobriety capital of the world - it just doesn’t add up.
The energy sector’s getting a makeover too. Trump’s picked an oil services exec to run the Department of Energy, which is about as surprising as finding me at last call. “Energy dominance” is the new buzzword, which sounds like something from a bad 80s action movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.
But here’s where it gets really dark - and trust me, I know dark. They’re planning to gut public transit funding completely. No more federal money for buses, trains, or any of that communist nonsense that gets working people to their jobs. Because nothing says “make America great again” like making sure poor folks can’t get to work, right?
The kicker in all this? While they’re slashing regulations faster than I go through whiskey, the rich are getting exactly what they ordered. It’s like watching a fancy restaurant where the customers write their own menu and the rest of us get to wash the dishes.
Look, I’m not saying the sky is falling. I’m just saying maybe we should all learn to duck. Or drink. Preferably both.
Time to wrap this up. My bottle’s empty and the sun’s coming up. Remember folks, in times like these, being human - messy, complicated, and slightly drunk - might be our last remaining superpower.
Stay real, Henry
P.S. If anyone needs me, I’ll be stockpiling bourbon and electronic gadgets before the prices go through the roof.
[Posted at 4:17 AM from somewhere at the bottom of a bourbon bottle]
Source: Trump’s Second Term Will Change AI, Energy, and More